It is Saturday, a crisp spring afternoon, and you're exactly where you should be: stretched out on the couch in front of a televised Sporting event, opening beer number two, relaxed in the knowledge that the pizza you ordered is even now on its way. Nothing could improve this moment, except maybe a bigger television. Suddenly your girlfriend enters the room and says, "What exactly do you think you're doing?"
Is this a trick question?
Yes, it is. The trick is that no matter how you answer it, you will immediately find yourself driving down to your nearest home improvement centre, where you will spend the rest of the afternoon trying to decide the type of curtain rod that's right for you.
How does this work?
It has as much to do with the nature of the question itself as with anything else. Women are expert at posing questions that seem to have no right answer. Here's a common example.
"Do I Look Fat?"
There is no answer to this question that won't be interpreted "yes". "No" means yes. "Yes" means yes. "I don't know" means yes. "It doesn't matter" means yes. The briefest hint of a pause before speaking means yes, yes, yes. Most of us would rather take our degrees again than field this one, yet it may well come up several times a week. Your only real choice is to say no, clearly and immediately, leaving no possibility for any subtext, and making it sound like a widely acknowledged fact and not simply your opinion. This doesn't work, but all the other options are worse.
There are several other questions for which "no" is the only answer, and several more that call for an emphatic and unqualified yes. In all of these cases, elaboration, justification or any attempt to be funny is unlikely to pay off.
Consult this handy chart:
Just Say No
Is there someone else?
Do you still fantasize about her?
Are you tired of me?
Just Say Yes
Do you still love me?
Do you ever fantasize about me?
Do you like my hair this way?
Unfortunately, many female inquiries require more than a simple yes or no response. Some of them are more like riddles. Such as this one:
"Which Shoes Look Better?"
Typically you're already late for dinner when your girlfriend confronts you, with one pair of shoes on and another alongside them. This is no ordinary choice. It's a devious chicken/egg puzzler, the sort of choice that would lead even Hobson to say to Mrs. Hobson, "Whichever,you old trout!"
If you pick the shoes she already has on, she'll think you're trying to hurry her. If you pick the other pair, she'll think it's because you know you can't pick the ones she has on. Some men try a non-linear approach and opt for a third, unoffered pair of shoes, but this is inevitably taken as either an attack on her judgement or an opportunity for her to attack yours. On no account suggest another dress. You might as well say, "You're fat."
This raises the question of why she's asking you at all. She knows you don't know which shoes look better, and she knows you don't care, so why is she trying to elicit your opinion? This is part of an ongoing campaign to domesticate you. As part of the same campaign, she will occasionally consult you about alternative table settings or new towels. In these two cases a disdainful and dismissive "beats me" should do the trick, but don't try that with the shoe dilemma, or you'll miss your reservation.
Instead, suggest that she try on the other shoes, then tell her the first ones look better. This lets you more or less off the hook, as long as you don't raise a fuss when she decides that the second pair are better after all.
"Where Do You See This Relationship Going?"
This could be described as an essay question, since you're obviously not going to get away with snappy little answers such as "forward" or "upstairs" or "I dunno". Another problem is that you and your girlfriend are operating at cross-purposes here. She wants a heartfelt expression of your feelings and an honest assessment of your future together, and you want an easier question.There is certainly no point in answering a toe-curling query like this one without at least a rough idea of precisely what it is she wants to hear.
Questions such as this one are a category unto themselves, i.e. questions that should be answered with another question. See how easily some of the more difficult leading inquiries can be parried through the simple deployment of reflexive interrogation.
HER: Where do you see this relationship going?
YOU: Where do you see this relationship going?
HER: Do you think she's attractive?
YOU: Who?
HER: Will you marry me?
YOU: Where am I?
HER: What if I were pregnant?
YOU: Are you pregnant?
HER: Why? Do I look fat?
Whoops! We're in a bit of trouble here. You should have seen that coming. Try a more surreal approach:
HER: What if I were pregnant?
YOU: What if I were pregnant?
At the very least it gives you time to think up a better answer. Some all-purpose question-answers include: How much is a lot? Why do you ask? Should I be? What are you saying? Does it matter? What's love gotta do with it? Are you talking to me? (Note: Are you having your period? is not one of these.)
Let's try a math question.
"How Many People Have You Slept With?"
Hmmmmm....Now, you can tell her the truth, unless the truth is more than 12, or you can have a guess at the number she's more or less expecting... Like most arithmetic problems, the answer is a lot easier once you have a formula. This one should work as long as neither of you has sex for a living.
Number of people she's slept with + Number of people she knows you've slept with + Number of people you actually have slept with. Add these up and divide by 2. If you round up to the nearest whole person, you should end up with a realistically healthy but not particularly shocking number. If the result is greater than 12, then say 12.
Let's move on.
"Why Don'T You Lighten Up?"
This rhetorical gem is used whenever you express your disapproval of shoplifting or speeding, or whenever you go to a nightclub and spend the whole time complaining because the music is too loud and there aren't any chairs. There's no good answer to this one. You could draw attention to her inconsistency in this matter, noting that she doesn't like it when you act like a kid or when you act like your dad; then gain, if you do that, she's liable to see your point and break up with you.
Speaking of breaking up, how about this one.....
"Are You Saying You Want To End It?"
Women, like lawyers, rarely ask a direct question, unless they already know what the answer will be. As for women lawyers, I don't know what they do, and I'm pretty sure I don't want to know. The point is, when a woman asks you this question, she knows you're going to say no. Even if you want to say yes, you'll say no. You can't turn the question back on her, because you have no idea what her answer is going to be. If you are trying to break up with her, you'll have to say no and start the whole painful process again. If you aren't trying to break up with her, then it's best to change the subject. Let's try something easier.
"Notice Anything Different About Me?"
Well, slightly easier. This question is of a piece with two others: "Have you forgotten what today is?" and "Have you been listening to a word I've said?" Apart from being questions that are easier to answer wrong than right, they're the kinds of things women say in sitcoms. They are best treated in an ironic post-modern context; i.e., just say what Ward Cleaver would say.
HER: Notice anything different about me?
YOU: New apron?
HER: Have you forgotten what today is?
YOU: Of course not. It's Thursday.
HER: Have you been listening to a word I've said?
YOU: That's nice, dear...
Funny, huh? Well, it's not your fault if she doesn't get it. If she wants a better answer, she's going to have to start asking better questions.
Questions such as:
"Have You Taken A Look At Yourself Lately?"
This question and its cousin, the almost always uncalled for "Who do you think you are?", are ways of gently reminding you how much of a factor pity was in her original decision to go out with you, and how that decision could be rescinded if you behave in any way that cannot be described as abject. You probably brought this rebuke on yourself by mentioning that you reckon Brad Pitt is getting a little chubby or by speculating that Jack Nicholson doesn't have to wait until his birthday for oral sex. You're not really supposed to answer either of these questions. You're just supposed to apologise for your wanton self-esteem-having. Instead of apologising, just smile. Your manifold inadequacies as a boyfriend - nay, as a man - are a kind of revenge all by themselves. Next!
"Do You Believe In Fidelity?"
Like most philosophical questions that seem to pop up out of the blue, this question doesn't pop up out of the blue. This general query about fidelity is in fact a coded inquiry about the extent of your fidelity on a specific occasion or occasions. Your response will also have to be coded. Consult this translation chart before giving your answer:
YOU SAY - Yes
YOU MEAN - How much does she know?
SHE THINKS - He's hiding something
YOU SAY - It depends
YOU MEAN - How much does she know?
SHE THINKS - I knew it!
YOU SAY - Why do you ask
YOU MEAN - How much does she know?
SHE THINKS - Bastard!
YOU SAY - I dunno. Do you?
YOU MEAN - How much does she know?
SHE THINKS - How much does he know?
There are several more variations, but they're not worth going into. By the time she asks you this question, you're already in deep trouble. It doesn't really matter what you say, as long as you don't blush when you answer.
Let's look at an example that calls for more straight forward lying.
"What Are You Looking At?"
She means, "You were looking at that girl, weren't you?" And you thought you'd perfected that trick of keeping your neck still and just letting your eyes swivel. Obviously, the truth is not the best answer here. We all know that the truth can set you free, sometimes before you've found somewhere else to stay. It may seem easy enough to answer this question with a cunning lie, but when men are caught off-guard, their ability to deceive is impaired.
Here are a few of the more common mistakes men make when asked "What are you looking at?"
TOO SPECIFIC: "The rust around the bolts on the handle on the flap of that mailbox on the Northwest corner".
NOT SPECIFIC ENOUGH: "That thing."
TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE: "A diamond necklace in that window back there that would be perfect on you".
TOO TRUE TO BE GOOD: "A see-through nightie in that window back there that would be perfect on you."
TOO OBVIOUS: "Nothing."
WAY TOO OBVIOUS: "That blonde babe over there with the big...I mean nothing."
Here's one that requires a little interpretation.
"What Are We Going To Do Now?"
This one often crops up whenever some kind of emergency or seemingly insolvable problem arises. The part that requires interpretation is the mysterious "we" in the middle. This means two things: in one sense, "we" clearly means "you" - as in, "What are you going to do now"; but there is also a sense of "we're in this together" implying that you bear equal responsibility for the fact that she's just dropped her keys down a grate, or that she stores her jack and spare tire in her garage so they won't get stolen.
In such situations you'll probably find that the only answer to "What are we going to do now?" that you can think of is "We are going to break up. Good-bye." Most likely you'll decide not to say anything. After which she will probably let loose with the rather ill-advised: "WHY DON'T YOU SAY SOMETHING?"
Whether you answer this one is up to you. There is only one question that you should never, ever answer. Keep silent, cower behind your Fifth Amendment rights, pretend you didn't hear, run away, whatever, but don't say anything when she asks:
"Should I Get All Of My Hair Cut Off?"
If you say anything, then when she does get all her hair cut off (and let's face it, she's already made up her mind) and she hates it (and she will hate it), it will be your fault. Even if you say absolutely nothing, the best you can hope for is that she will come home with all her hair cut off, stare you straight in the eye and say: "Does it make me look fat?" You're on your own.
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brilliant !!!
A truly inspiring story. Thanks Ninja Mo, all us guys needed to hear this.
This is SO TRUE it actually SCARY!!!
Brilliant Post Ninja Mo
There is one Question that was left out!
When you stand at the movies & you're about to buy the ticket & she goes: "so what are we going to see?" that usualy means "Ah i see there is a Girly Movie showing & i know you want to see that action movie you've been talking about all week, but i don't want to see it!" Anybody got any idees on this one cause i've tried every singe quistion & answer i can think of & i can't find anything that doesn't end up in a FIGHT!!!
Brilliant Post Ninja Mo
There is one Question that was left out!
When you stand at the movies & you're about to buy the ticket & she goes: "so what are we going to see?" that usualy means "Ah i see there is a Girly Movie showing & i know you want to see that action movie you've been talking about all week, but i don't want to see it!" Anybody got any idees on this one cause i've tried every singe quistion & answer i can think of & i can't find anything that doesn't end up in a FIGHT!!!
Tazz: you can only answer, "The one you want to see luv. I just want to be with you, so let's go see what you want to see"
you want to watch S.W.A.T? Go with your buds....
you want to watch S.W.A.T? Go with your buds....
QUOTE(Ninja Mo @ Nov 19 2003, 12:03 PM)
Tazz: you can only answer, "The one you want to see luv. I just want to be with you, so let's go see what you want to see"
I've tried that one!! The reply usualy goes like this "I'm sorry I'll go & watch the movie you want to see, cause i care about you too!!" Then i go: "really we can go see the one want too see" then she goes "I don't want to see it anymore, i want to see what you want to see!!"
If i buy the ticket for the movie i want to see "I'm in shit cause she sit's there bored out of her mind" If i buy the ticket for the movie that she want's to see then i'm in shit cause "I don't respect her dissisions & you think that i don't care about you"
I've found a way of keeping the peace to certain level, all i do is make sure i know what movies are on & either ask her to go buy popcorn while i buy ticket (but if she finds out a girly movie showing i'm in shit) or tell her what movies are showing "Even the Girly Ones" & let her buy the ticket(if she finds out i wanted to see the action, i'm in shit cause i didn't tell her)!!
MEN CAN NEVER WIN...
here is the correct answer then. Let her buy the tickets, run off before she can say anything, go to the loo, say you have gastro or something, then get the popcorn and meet her in the queue. That way she has to pick, although she might be pissed about waiting in queue alone. hmmm, a dliemma Watson!
Very true!!
My wife once asked me what dress looks the best and stupid me answered " Your not catching me with that trick " I had hell for 2 weeks.
At least Ive learned from my mistake
My wife once asked me what dress looks the best and stupid me answered " Your not catching me with that trick " I had hell for 2 weeks.
At least Ive learned from my mistake
She asks him: "What are u thinking of?"
He answers: "Nothing."
NOTE: He is not lying, but telling the truth. Therefor the women will have to present the ingenious questions, as for example: Do you still love me?, Do you ever fantasize about me?, Do you like my hair this way?, Which Shoes Look Better?, Am I Fat?, etc., etc....
You see this is to get the man to use the, basically non existent, thing called the brain. Which will if left to only watch T.V., drink beer and eat pizza rot away completely and will only end up being more of a hazard around the house...
I can carry on, but for the sake of men being the majority here ... we don't want a complete melt down ... we'll carry on at a later stage...
He answers: "Nothing."
NOTE: He is not lying, but telling the truth. Therefor the women will have to present the ingenious questions, as for example: Do you still love me?, Do you ever fantasize about me?, Do you like my hair this way?, Which Shoes Look Better?, Am I Fat?, etc., etc....
You see this is to get the man to use the, basically non existent, thing called the brain. Which will if left to only watch T.V., drink beer and eat pizza rot away completely and will only end up being more of a hazard around the house...
I can carry on, but for the sake of men being the majority here ... we don't want a complete melt down ... we'll carry on at a later stage...
aww, we love you lots Anime, it was just good for a laugh and something we as men can identify
*hug*
Peace?
*hug*
Peace?
QUOTE(Ninja Mo @ Nov 19 2003, 08:26 PM)
aww, we love you lots Anime, it was just good for a laugh and something we as men can identify
*hug*
Peace?
*hug*
Peace?
I know... Was just getting my own back. 
Peace...
Ahhh very nice thread Ninja Mo.
Oh and as for that movie question I had to face that dilemma last friday ... we stood there for like 15 minutes b4 we came up with a decision.She said she enjoyed it ... but I dunno.
Oh and as for that movie question I had to face that dilemma last friday ... we stood there for like 15 minutes b4 we came up with a decision.She said she enjoyed it ... but I dunno.
Of course this is applicable for people who already got the girl
I want to read something about the woes of actually getting one.
I want to read something about the woes of actually getting one.
QUOTE
I want to read something about the woes of actually getting one.
Case 1*
Me: Hello.
Her: Yes...
Me: I've seen you quiet a few times before here and I've noticed you always come to this table right here. Everytime I tell myself I'm going to come talk to you, you've left already.
Her: Yes I've noticed that too.
=========================
*Case2*
Me:Hello
Her: Hey
Me: My name is Neo and you are?
Her: I'm fine, and you?
Me: Its all good, well actually I was wonderin' If I could have 5mins of your time...
Her: Okay...
Me: I've been lookin' at you for some time now and I dont' know why or how, but you look as if you have a few interesting things to say. So I was thinkin' maybe this five minutes could turn into a date of some sort. I'm know I dont' know you and you dont' know me, but I was hoping to change that if you would allow me...
Her: What's you name again, Neo you said. Well Neo if you were me, would you go out with you?
Me: Umm...
Her: Okay then, your game is weak and you certainly need practice, however you do have some courage and you are kinda odd looking. So how about this? You meet me here tomorrow and lets speak some more. Maybe there's more to you than that washed up talk you call game...
Me: Okay, tomorrow it is then...
==========================
As you can tell I had far better luck in case number2, but man it took a lot to recover from the first incident. Oddly enough that person went on to become a good friend months later on...
Gouhan: that is not exactly inspiring me with lots of confidence! 
THEREFORE
This is a shout out to Hoover, for all my homies in Brouge
Anime, Athena, Phoenix, Rix, the active females on the board. Come post some help for a lonely guy here (Gouhan) Tell us what we need to do, where we need to improve, what girls look for, what they dont like etc. Lend us a helping hand, we need it 
THEREFORE
This is a shout out to Hoover, for all my homies in Brouge
Anime, Athena, Phoenix, Rix, the active females on the board. Come post some help for a lonely guy here (Gouhan
) Tell us what we need to do, where we need to improve, what girls look for, what they dont like etc. Lend us a helping hand, we need it
And as well!
This is another must read for guys, and mostly I will say, in the defence of the ladies, WE as guys are responsible for these opinions, although not only us.
Brilliant stuff this. Why do I always seem to be on the one side though?
WHY DO MEN DIE FIRST? Submitted by Shirley
Why men die first is a question that has gone unanswered for centuries, but now we know:
If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you're a male chauvinist; if you stay home and do the housework, you're a pansy.
If you work too hard, there's never any time for her; if you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.
If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation; if you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your lazy behind and find something better.
If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favouritism; if she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity. If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment; if you keep quiet it's male indifference.
If you cry, you're a wimp; if you don't, you're an insensitive dolt. If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist; if she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.
If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination; if she asks you, it's a favour. If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear, you're a pervert; if you don't, you're gay.
If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you're sexist; if you don't, you're unromantic. If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain; if you don't, you're a slob.
If you buy her flowers, you're after something; if you don't, you're not thoughtful. If you're proud of your achievements, you're full of yourself; if you aren't you're not ambitious.
If she has a headache, she's tired; if you have a headache, you don't love her anymore.
Men die first because they want to.
This is another must read for guys, and mostly I will say, in the defence of the ladies, WE as guys are responsible for these opinions, although not only us.
Brilliant stuff this. Why do I always seem to be on the one side though?
WHY DO MEN DIE FIRST? Submitted by Shirley
Why men die first is a question that has gone unanswered for centuries, but now we know:
If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you're a male chauvinist; if you stay home and do the housework, you're a pansy.
If you work too hard, there's never any time for her; if you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.
If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation; if you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your lazy behind and find something better.
If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favouritism; if she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity. If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment; if you keep quiet it's male indifference.
If you cry, you're a wimp; if you don't, you're an insensitive dolt. If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist; if she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.
If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination; if she asks you, it's a favour. If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear, you're a pervert; if you don't, you're gay.
If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you're sexist; if you don't, you're unromantic. If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain; if you don't, you're a slob.
If you buy her flowers, you're after something; if you don't, you're not thoughtful. If you're proud of your achievements, you're full of yourself; if you aren't you're not ambitious.
If she has a headache, she's tired; if you have a headache, you don't love her anymore.
Men die first because they want to.
QUOTE(Ninja Mo @ Nov 19 2003, 07:58 AM)
It is Saturday, a crisp spring afternoon, and you're exactly where you should be: stretched out on the couch in front of a televised Sporting event, opening beer number two, relaxed in the knowledge that the pizza you ordered is even now on its way. Nothing could improve this moment, except maybe a bigger television. Suddenly your girlfriend enters the room and says, "What exactly do you think you're doing?"
Is this a trick question?
Yes, it is. The trick is that no matter how you answer it, you will immediately find yourself driving down to your nearest home improvement centre, where you will spend the rest of the afternoon trying to decide the type of curtain rod that's right for you.
How does this work?
It has as much to do with the nature of the question itself as with anything else. Women are expert at posing questions that seem to have no right answer. Here's a common example.
"Do I Look Fat?"
There is no answer to this question that won't be interpreted "yes". "No" means yes. "Yes" means yes. "I don't know" means yes. "It doesn't matter" means yes. The briefest hint of a pause before speaking means yes, yes, yes. Most of us would rather take our degrees again than field this one, yet it may well come up several times a week. Your only real choice is to say no, clearly and immediately, leaving no possibility for any subtext, and making it sound like a widely acknowledged fact and not simply your opinion. This doesn't work, but all the other options are worse.
There are several other questions for which "no" is the only answer, and several more that call for an emphatic and unqualified yes. In all of these cases, elaboration, justification or any attempt to be funny is unlikely to pay off.
Consult this handy chart:
Just Say No
Is there someone else?
Do you still fantasize about her?
Are you tired of me?
Just Say Yes
Do you still love me?
Do you ever fantasize about me?
Do you like my hair this way?
Unfortunately, many female inquiries require more than a simple yes or no response. Some of them are more like riddles. Such as this one:
"Which Shoes Look Better?"
Typically you're already late for dinner when your girlfriend confronts you, with one pair of shoes on and another alongside them. This is no ordinary choice. It's a devious chicken/egg puzzler, the sort of choice that would lead even Hobson to say to Mrs. Hobson, "Whichever,you old trout!"
If you pick the shoes she already has on, she'll think you're trying to hurry her. If you pick the other pair, she'll think it's because you know you can't pick the ones she has on. Some men try a non-linear approach and opt for a third, unoffered pair of shoes, but this is inevitably taken as either an attack on her judgement or an opportunity for her to attack yours. On no account suggest another dress. You might as well say, "You're fat."
This raises the question of why she's asking you at all. She knows you don't know which shoes look better, and she knows you don't care, so why is she trying to elicit your opinion? This is part of an ongoing campaign to domesticate you. As part of the same campaign, she will occasionally consult you about alternative table settings or new towels. In these two cases a disdainful and dismissive "beats me" should do the trick, but don't try that with the shoe dilemma, or you'll miss your reservation.
Instead, suggest that she try on the other shoes, then tell her the first ones look better. This lets you more or less off the hook, as long as you don't raise a fuss when she decides that the second pair are better after all.
"Where Do You See This Relationship Going?"
This could be described as an essay question, since you're obviously not going to get away with snappy little answers such as "forward" or "upstairs" or "I dunno". Another problem is that you and your girlfriend are operating at cross-purposes here. She wants a heartfelt expression of your feelings and an honest assessment of your future together, and you want an easier question.There is certainly no point in answering a toe-curling query like this one without at least a rough idea of precisely what it is she wants to hear.
Questions such as this one are a category unto themselves, i.e. questions that should be answered with another question. See how easily some of the more difficult leading inquiries can be parried through the simple deployment of reflexive interrogation.
HER: Where do you see this relationship going?
YOU: Where do you see this relationship going?
HER: Do you think she's attractive?
YOU: Who?
HER: Will you marry me?
YOU: Where am I?
HER: What if I were pregnant?
YOU: Are you pregnant?
HER: Why? Do I look fat?
Whoops! We're in a bit of trouble here. You should have seen that coming. Try a more surreal approach:
HER: What if I were pregnant?
YOU: What if I were pregnant?
At the very least it gives you time to think up a better answer. Some all-purpose question-answers include: How much is a lot? Why do you ask? Should I be? What are you saying? Does it matter? What's love gotta do with it? Are you talking to me? (Note: Are you having your period? is not one of these.)
Let's try a math question.
"How Many People Have You Slept With?"
Hmmmmm....Now, you can tell her the truth, unless the truth is more than 12, or you can have a guess at the number she's more or less expecting... Like most arithmetic problems, the answer is a lot easier once you have a formula. This one should work as long as neither of you has sex for a living.
Number of people she's slept with + Number of people she knows you've slept with + Number of people you actually have slept with. Add these up and divide by 2. If you round up to the nearest whole person, you should end up with a realistically healthy but not particularly shocking number. If the result is greater than 12, then say 12.
Let's move on.
"Why Don'T You Lighten Up?"
This rhetorical gem is used whenever you express your disapproval of shoplifting or speeding, or whenever you go to a nightclub and spend the whole time complaining because the music is too loud and there aren't any chairs. There's no good answer to this one. You could draw attention to her inconsistency in this matter, noting that she doesn't like it when you act like a kid or when you act like your dad; then gain, if you do that, she's liable to see your point and break up with you.
Speaking of breaking up, how about this one.....
"Are You Saying You Want To End It?"
Women, like lawyers, rarely ask a direct question, unless they already know what the answer will be. As for women lawyers, I don't know what they do, and I'm pretty sure I don't want to know. The point is, when a woman asks you this question, she knows you're going to say no. Even if you want to say yes, you'll say no. You can't turn the question back on her, because you have no idea what her answer is going to be. If you are trying to break up with her, you'll have to say no and start the whole painful process again. If you aren't trying to break up with her, then it's best to change the subject. Let's try something easier.
"Notice Anything Different About Me?"
Well, slightly easier. This question is of a piece with two others: "Have you forgotten what today is?" and "Have you been listening to a word I've said?" Apart from being questions that are easier to answer wrong than right, they're the kinds of things women say in sitcoms. They are best treated in an ironic post-modern context; i.e., just say what Ward Cleaver would say.
HER: Notice anything different about me?
YOU: New apron?
HER: Have you forgotten what today is?
YOU: Of course not. It's Thursday.
HER: Have you been listening to a word I've said?
YOU: That's nice, dear...
Funny, huh? Well, it's not your fault if she doesn't get it. If she wants a better answer, she's going to have to start asking better questions.
Questions such as:
"Have You Taken A Look At Yourself Lately?"
This question and its cousin, the almost always uncalled for "Who do you think you are?", are ways of gently reminding you how much of a factor pity was in her original decision to go out with you, and how that decision could be rescinded if you behave in any way that cannot be described as abject. You probably brought this rebuke on yourself by mentioning that you reckon Brad Pitt is getting a little chubby or by speculating that Jack Nicholson doesn't have to wait until his birthday for oral sex. You're not really supposed to answer either of these questions. You're just supposed to apologise for your wanton self-esteem-having. Instead of apologising, just smile. Your manifold inadequacies as a boyfriend - nay, as a man - are a kind of revenge all by themselves. Next!
"Do You Believe In Fidelity?"
Like most philosophical questions that seem to pop up out of the blue, this question doesn't pop up out of the blue. This general query about fidelity is in fact a coded inquiry about the extent of your fidelity on a specific occasion or occasions. Your response will also have to be coded. Consult this translation chart before giving your answer:
YOU SAY - Yes
YOU MEAN - How much does she know?
SHE THINKS - He's hiding something
YOU SAY - It depends
YOU MEAN - How much does she know?
SHE THINKS - I knew it!
YOU SAY - Why do you ask
YOU MEAN - How much does she know?
SHE THINKS - Bastard!
YOU SAY - I dunno. Do you?
YOU MEAN - How much does she know?
SHE THINKS - How much does he know?
There are several more variations, but they're not worth going into. By the time she asks you this question, you're already in deep trouble. It doesn't really matter what you say, as long as you don't blush when you answer.
Let's look at an example that calls for more straight forward lying.
"What Are You Looking At?"
She means, "You were looking at that girl, weren't you?" And you thought you'd perfected that trick of keeping your neck still and just letting your eyes swivel. Obviously, the truth is not the best answer here. We all know that the truth can set you free, sometimes before you've found somewhere else to stay. It may seem easy enough to answer this question with a cunning lie, but when men are caught off-guard, their ability to deceive is impaired.
Here are a few of the more common mistakes men make when asked "What are you looking at?"
TOO SPECIFIC: "The rust around the bolts on the handle on the flap of that mailbox on the Northwest corner".
NOT SPECIFIC ENOUGH: "That thing."
TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE: "A diamond necklace in that window back there that would be perfect on you".
TOO TRUE TO BE GOOD: "A see-through nightie in that window back there that would be perfect on you."
TOO OBVIOUS: "Nothing."
WAY TOO OBVIOUS: "That blonde babe over there with the big...I mean nothing."
Here's one that requires a little interpretation.
"What Are We Going To Do Now?"
This one often crops up whenever some kind of emergency or seemingly insolvable problem arises. The part that requires interpretation is the mysterious "we" in the middle. This means two things: in one sense, "we" clearly means "you" - as in, "What are you going to do now"; but there is also a sense of "we're in this together" implying that you bear equal responsibility for the fact that she's just dropped her keys down a grate, or that she stores her jack and spare tire in her garage so they won't get stolen.
In such situations you'll probably find that the only answer to "What are we going to do now?" that you can think of is "We are going to break up. Good-bye." Most likely you'll decide not to say anything. After which she will probably let loose with the rather ill-advised: "WHY DON'T YOU SAY SOMETHING?"
Whether you answer this one is up to you. There is only one question that you should never, ever answer. Keep silent, cower behind your Fifth Amendment rights, pretend you didn't hear, run away, whatever, but don't say anything when she asks:
"Should I Get All Of My Hair Cut Off?"
If you say anything, then when she does get all her hair cut off (and let's face it, she's already made up her mind) and she hates it (and she will hate it), it will be your fault. Even if you say absolutely nothing, the best you can hope for is that she will come home with all her hair cut off, stare you straight in the eye and say: "Does it make me look fat?" You're on your own.
Is this a trick question?
Yes, it is. The trick is that no matter how you answer it, you will immediately find yourself driving down to your nearest home improvement centre, where you will spend the rest of the afternoon trying to decide the type of curtain rod that's right for you.
How does this work?
It has as much to do with the nature of the question itself as with anything else. Women are expert at posing questions that seem to have no right answer. Here's a common example.
"Do I Look Fat?"
There is no answer to this question that won't be interpreted "yes". "No" means yes. "Yes" means yes. "I don't know" means yes. "It doesn't matter" means yes. The briefest hint of a pause before speaking means yes, yes, yes. Most of us would rather take our degrees again than field this one, yet it may well come up several times a week. Your only real choice is to say no, clearly and immediately, leaving no possibility for any subtext, and making it sound like a widely acknowledged fact and not simply your opinion. This doesn't work, but all the other options are worse.
There are several other questions for which "no" is the only answer, and several more that call for an emphatic and unqualified yes. In all of these cases, elaboration, justification or any attempt to be funny is unlikely to pay off.
Consult this handy chart:
Just Say No
Is there someone else?
Do you still fantasize about her?
Are you tired of me?
Just Say Yes
Do you still love me?
Do you ever fantasize about me?
Do you like my hair this way?
Unfortunately, many female inquiries require more than a simple yes or no response. Some of them are more like riddles. Such as this one:
"Which Shoes Look Better?"
Typically you're already late for dinner when your girlfriend confronts you, with one pair of shoes on and another alongside them. This is no ordinary choice. It's a devious chicken/egg puzzler, the sort of choice that would lead even Hobson to say to Mrs. Hobson, "Whichever,you old trout!"
If you pick the shoes she already has on, she'll think you're trying to hurry her. If you pick the other pair, she'll think it's because you know you can't pick the ones she has on. Some men try a non-linear approach and opt for a third, unoffered pair of shoes, but this is inevitably taken as either an attack on her judgement or an opportunity for her to attack yours. On no account suggest another dress. You might as well say, "You're fat."
This raises the question of why she's asking you at all. She knows you don't know which shoes look better, and she knows you don't care, so why is she trying to elicit your opinion? This is part of an ongoing campaign to domesticate you. As part of the same campaign, she will occasionally consult you about alternative table settings or new towels. In these two cases a disdainful and dismissive "beats me" should do the trick, but don't try that with the shoe dilemma, or you'll miss your reservation.
Instead, suggest that she try on the other shoes, then tell her the first ones look better. This lets you more or less off the hook, as long as you don't raise a fuss when she decides that the second pair are better after all.
"Where Do You See This Relationship Going?"
This could be described as an essay question, since you're obviously not going to get away with snappy little answers such as "forward" or "upstairs" or "I dunno". Another problem is that you and your girlfriend are operating at cross-purposes here. She wants a heartfelt expression of your feelings and an honest assessment of your future together, and you want an easier question.There is certainly no point in answering a toe-curling query like this one without at least a rough idea of precisely what it is she wants to hear.
Questions such as this one are a category unto themselves, i.e. questions that should be answered with another question. See how easily some of the more difficult leading inquiries can be parried through the simple deployment of reflexive interrogation.
HER: Where do you see this relationship going?
YOU: Where do you see this relationship going?
HER: Do you think she's attractive?
YOU: Who?
HER: Will you marry me?
YOU: Where am I?
HER: What if I were pregnant?
YOU: Are you pregnant?
HER: Why? Do I look fat?
Whoops! We're in a bit of trouble here. You should have seen that coming. Try a more surreal approach:
HER: What if I were pregnant?
YOU: What if I were pregnant?
At the very least it gives you time to think up a better answer. Some all-purpose question-answers include: How much is a lot? Why do you ask? Should I be? What are you saying? Does it matter? What's love gotta do with it? Are you talking to me? (Note: Are you having your period? is not one of these.)
Let's try a math question.
"How Many People Have You Slept With?"
Hmmmmm....Now, you can tell her the truth, unless the truth is more than 12, or you can have a guess at the number she's more or less expecting... Like most arithmetic problems, the answer is a lot easier once you have a formula. This one should work as long as neither of you has sex for a living.
Number of people she's slept with + Number of people she knows you've slept with + Number of people you actually have slept with. Add these up and divide by 2. If you round up to the nearest whole person, you should end up with a realistically healthy but not particularly shocking number. If the result is greater than 12, then say 12.
Let's move on.
"Why Don'T You Lighten Up?"
This rhetorical gem is used whenever you express your disapproval of shoplifting or speeding, or whenever you go to a nightclub and spend the whole time complaining because the music is too loud and there aren't any chairs. There's no good answer to this one. You could draw attention to her inconsistency in this matter, noting that she doesn't like it when you act like a kid or when you act like your dad; then gain, if you do that, she's liable to see your point and break up with you.
Speaking of breaking up, how about this one.....
"Are You Saying You Want To End It?"
Women, like lawyers, rarely ask a direct question, unless they already know what the answer will be. As for women lawyers, I don't know what they do, and I'm pretty sure I don't want to know. The point is, when a woman asks you this question, she knows you're going to say no. Even if you want to say yes, you'll say no. You can't turn the question back on her, because you have no idea what her answer is going to be. If you are trying to break up with her, you'll have to say no and start the whole painful process again. If you aren't trying to break up with her, then it's best to change the subject. Let's try something easier.
"Notice Anything Different About Me?"
Well, slightly easier. This question is of a piece with two others: "Have you forgotten what today is?" and "Have you been listening to a word I've said?" Apart from being questions that are easier to answer wrong than right, they're the kinds of things women say in sitcoms. They are best treated in an ironic post-modern context; i.e., just say what Ward Cleaver would say.
HER: Notice anything different about me?
YOU: New apron?
HER: Have you forgotten what today is?
YOU: Of course not. It's Thursday.
HER: Have you been listening to a word I've said?
YOU: That's nice, dear...
Funny, huh? Well, it's not your fault if she doesn't get it. If she wants a better answer, she's going to have to start asking better questions.
Questions such as:
"Have You Taken A Look At Yourself Lately?"
This question and its cousin, the almost always uncalled for "Who do you think you are?", are ways of gently reminding you how much of a factor pity was in her original decision to go out with you, and how that decision could be rescinded if you behave in any way that cannot be described as abject. You probably brought this rebuke on yourself by mentioning that you reckon Brad Pitt is getting a little chubby or by speculating that Jack Nicholson doesn't have to wait until his birthday for oral sex. You're not really supposed to answer either of these questions. You're just supposed to apologise for your wanton self-esteem-having. Instead of apologising, just smile. Your manifold inadequacies as a boyfriend - nay, as a man - are a kind of revenge all by themselves. Next!
"Do You Believe In Fidelity?"
Like most philosophical questions that seem to pop up out of the blue, this question doesn't pop up out of the blue. This general query about fidelity is in fact a coded inquiry about the extent of your fidelity on a specific occasion or occasions. Your response will also have to be coded. Consult this translation chart before giving your answer:
YOU SAY - Yes
YOU MEAN - How much does she know?
SHE THINKS - He's hiding something
YOU SAY - It depends
YOU MEAN - How much does she know?
SHE THINKS - I knew it!
YOU SAY - Why do you ask
YOU MEAN - How much does she know?
SHE THINKS - Bastard!
YOU SAY - I dunno. Do you?
YOU MEAN - How much does she know?
SHE THINKS - How much does he know?
There are several more variations, but they're not worth going into. By the time she asks you this question, you're already in deep trouble. It doesn't really matter what you say, as long as you don't blush when you answer.
Let's look at an example that calls for more straight forward lying.
"What Are You Looking At?"
She means, "You were looking at that girl, weren't you?" And you thought you'd perfected that trick of keeping your neck still and just letting your eyes swivel. Obviously, the truth is not the best answer here. We all know that the truth can set you free, sometimes before you've found somewhere else to stay. It may seem easy enough to answer this question with a cunning lie, but when men are caught off-guard, their ability to deceive is impaired.
Here are a few of the more common mistakes men make when asked "What are you looking at?"
TOO SPECIFIC: "The rust around the bolts on the handle on the flap of that mailbox on the Northwest corner".
NOT SPECIFIC ENOUGH: "That thing."
TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE: "A diamond necklace in that window back there that would be perfect on you".
TOO TRUE TO BE GOOD: "A see-through nightie in that window back there that would be perfect on you."
TOO OBVIOUS: "Nothing."
WAY TOO OBVIOUS: "That blonde babe over there with the big...I mean nothing."
Here's one that requires a little interpretation.
"What Are We Going To Do Now?"
This one often crops up whenever some kind of emergency or seemingly insolvable problem arises. The part that requires interpretation is the mysterious "we" in the middle. This means two things: in one sense, "we" clearly means "you" - as in, "What are you going to do now"; but there is also a sense of "we're in this together" implying that you bear equal responsibility for the fact that she's just dropped her keys down a grate, or that she stores her jack and spare tire in her garage so they won't get stolen.
In such situations you'll probably find that the only answer to "What are we going to do now?" that you can think of is "We are going to break up. Good-bye." Most likely you'll decide not to say anything. After which she will probably let loose with the rather ill-advised: "WHY DON'T YOU SAY SOMETHING?"
Whether you answer this one is up to you. There is only one question that you should never, ever answer. Keep silent, cower behind your Fifth Amendment rights, pretend you didn't hear, run away, whatever, but don't say anything when she asks:
"Should I Get All Of My Hair Cut Off?"
If you say anything, then when she does get all her hair cut off (and let's face it, she's already made up her mind) and she hates it (and she will hate it), it will be your fault. Even if you say absolutely nothing, the best you can hope for is that she will come home with all her hair cut off, stare you straight in the eye and say: "Does it make me look fat?" You're on your own.
where do you get this? Mr expert
It was emailed to me
if you want it, I can send it to you
if you want it, I can send it to you
I like Ninja's post about men dying first. Sometimes I feel exactly the same. I combat this by being a confirmed batchelor who involves himself in one-night stands.
ROFLMAO! OMG! This thread is SOOOOOO FUNNY!
I have known a lot of women who ask those loaded questions, seeking the meta-messages in every infliction of a guys voice, the manner of his speech, even the choice of his words. Why do these women do this? One answer applies....lack of self confidence and purpose in life.
If a girl asks you those loaded questions, RUN! There are plenty of us girls that wouldn't put our guy through that to save us. I myself get frustrated with the round about way many women talk, and catch myself saying, "get to the point." I've got better things to do with my time than sit to ponder the many evils of patent leather vs. suede, or if fuschia goes with mauve. Who in the hell cares! I'm hungry, I'll throw something nice on and go eat. Yeah, for special dates, I wear something extra nice. If I can't judge which shoe to wear with that outfit, I'll straight away make an appointment with the first optometrist to get my eyes checked. The only exception I take to the "what do you think of this" rule, would be when I want to buy new sexy nighties. I figure, the thing isn't just for me, but for him too. I choose the ones I like most, and then let him choose from those. Easy as 1, 2, 3.
I don't need to know if I'm fat from my man. That's what a scale is for.
Its true that its annoying to be with someone who has wandering eyes, but mostly because when I'm engaged in a conversation with someone, its usually something that interests me and I get into it. Its distracting to have ANYBODY turn around to check out the meat. Its like discussing a great football game with a friend who keeps making comments, "man, check out the stack on that one." Sure, its okay a couple of time, but when you're getting into the play that won the game, and you hear "yeah baby" it makes one want to snap her fingers in his face and say, "anybody home McFly?"
Women who trap their men with questions like "what if I'm prego" or "do you think she's attractive" are nothing more than vipers in waiting. Don't be a fool and fall into those traps. Name it. Say it out loud. "That is a loaded question, and I refuse to answer it." Who cares if she sends a barage of excuses, no matter how innocent the reasons are. To let yourself fall into that trap is to begin the spiral of your death as an individual with the right to be you. Don't you dare abdicate your right to honesty, just to satisfy her whims. If she is that damn insecure, get out and fast! If you want to torture yourself through a long and painful process of waiting for her to mature, then by all means just play along and be her butt monkey.
Women can be irrational expert manipulators that use floating abstractions for concrete reasoning. Some will say that women speak a different language, thus, men are from mars, women are from venus. My response? How about a rebuttal from Uranus? (I loved that site). Men and women are both in the quest to find happiness, which is not some mindless orgiastic elation to numb one from life, but the noble province that is our right to claim as creatures of volition--our passion. Women who need to manipulate or justify their behaviors with irrational excuses are those without a purpose, those that wish to drag down anybody with a brain into the quagmire of intellectual lassitude.
For a woman to think and/or say that men are animals that can't control their urges, is to ask you to chop off your manhood. She might as well ask you to cut your head off. Sex is not some detached effect to what goes on in your mind, but on the contrary. Sex is the product of a man's highest values. For a man to find me sexually attractive is to suggest that I am part of this man's image of joy and perfection. I take it as the highest form of a compliment. True that men who exhibit tendencies to roam is a man searching for his value through these escapades, but the man of worth, the man with a living mind sees things of beauty and embraces it warmly, incorporates that thing of beauty into his life. To share one's body with someone else is the summation of all that is good and worth living for. Only in that act can one experience the direct sensory perception through the combined mind/body union one's greatest achievement--love. Love is the greatest gift one can give another. So, if sex equals love, and that is the greatest gift he can give, what does that say about a man's sexual desire? That's right. Keep it up, boys.
Its true that there are many girls out there who play those kinds of mind games. My recommendation? Work on yourself as a man, as an individual. Develop your mind. Workto fulfill your passion, whatever that may be. Don't look for her. Believe me, the right WOMAN will find you.
I have known a lot of women who ask those loaded questions, seeking the meta-messages in every infliction of a guys voice, the manner of his speech, even the choice of his words. Why do these women do this? One answer applies....lack of self confidence and purpose in life.
If a girl asks you those loaded questions, RUN! There are plenty of us girls that wouldn't put our guy through that to save us. I myself get frustrated with the round about way many women talk, and catch myself saying, "get to the point." I've got better things to do with my time than sit to ponder the many evils of patent leather vs. suede, or if fuschia goes with mauve. Who in the hell cares! I'm hungry, I'll throw something nice on and go eat. Yeah, for special dates, I wear something extra nice. If I can't judge which shoe to wear with that outfit, I'll straight away make an appointment with the first optometrist to get my eyes checked. The only exception I take to the "what do you think of this" rule, would be when I want to buy new sexy nighties. I figure, the thing isn't just for me, but for him too. I choose the ones I like most, and then let him choose from those. Easy as 1, 2, 3.
I don't need to know if I'm fat from my man. That's what a scale is for.
Its true that its annoying to be with someone who has wandering eyes, but mostly because when I'm engaged in a conversation with someone, its usually something that interests me and I get into it. Its distracting to have ANYBODY turn around to check out the meat. Its like discussing a great football game with a friend who keeps making comments, "man, check out the stack on that one." Sure, its okay a couple of time, but when you're getting into the play that won the game, and you hear "yeah baby" it makes one want to snap her fingers in his face and say, "anybody home McFly?"
Women who trap their men with questions like "what if I'm prego" or "do you think she's attractive" are nothing more than vipers in waiting. Don't be a fool and fall into those traps. Name it. Say it out loud. "That is a loaded question, and I refuse to answer it." Who cares if she sends a barage of excuses, no matter how innocent the reasons are. To let yourself fall into that trap is to begin the spiral of your death as an individual with the right to be you. Don't you dare abdicate your right to honesty, just to satisfy her whims. If she is that damn insecure, get out and fast! If you want to torture yourself through a long and painful process of waiting for her to mature, then by all means just play along and be her butt monkey.
Women can be irrational expert manipulators that use floating abstractions for concrete reasoning. Some will say that women speak a different language, thus, men are from mars, women are from venus. My response? How about a rebuttal from Uranus? (I loved that site). Men and women are both in the quest to find happiness, which is not some mindless orgiastic elation to numb one from life, but the noble province that is our right to claim as creatures of volition--our passion. Women who need to manipulate or justify their behaviors with irrational excuses are those without a purpose, those that wish to drag down anybody with a brain into the quagmire of intellectual lassitude.
For a woman to think and/or say that men are animals that can't control their urges, is to ask you to chop off your manhood. She might as well ask you to cut your head off. Sex is not some detached effect to what goes on in your mind, but on the contrary. Sex is the product of a man's highest values. For a man to find me sexually attractive is to suggest that I am part of this man's image of joy and perfection. I take it as the highest form of a compliment. True that men who exhibit tendencies to roam is a man searching for his value through these escapades, but the man of worth, the man with a living mind sees things of beauty and embraces it warmly, incorporates that thing of beauty into his life. To share one's body with someone else is the summation of all that is good and worth living for. Only in that act can one experience the direct sensory perception through the combined mind/body union one's greatest achievement--love. Love is the greatest gift one can give another. So, if sex equals love, and that is the greatest gift he can give, what does that say about a man's sexual desire? That's right. Keep it up, boys.
Its true that there are many girls out there who play those kinds of mind games. My recommendation? Work on yourself as a man, as an individual. Develop your mind. Workto fulfill your passion, whatever that may be. Don't look for her. Believe me, the right WOMAN will find you.
QUOTE
Don't look for her. Believe me, the right WOMAN will find you.
This is the truth, believe it or not.
*nodding in agreement*
QUOTE
I myself get frustrated with the round about way many women talk, and catch myself saying, "get to the point." I've got better things to do with my time than sit to ponder the many evils of patent leather vs. suede, or if fuschia goes with mauve. Who in the hell cares! I'm hungry, I'll throw something nice on and go eat.
Yana, my hero! Thanks for setting this one right for the sisters - the old generalisations don't apply to some of us. (Says the girl with too few female friends...but anyway)
Oh and hey Ninja did not read this topic till just now...but i can't think of anything to add to Yana's closing lines - just be who you are, be respectful and not thoughtless and know that there is NO SUCH THING as 'what girls look for.'
Great. Talk about a topic comin' alive again.
Okay that's a mouthful Yana. If only other ladies axpressed themselves with such passion and conviction, maybe there'd be no misconceptions and myths about women and men. I for one must admitt I didn't know some things, but hey I learned.
No more messin' 'around from my side. I always try and make any lady I meet as comfortable as possible, sometimes to the point where its no fun for me, but hey after readin' all that. I'm a watch out for my own interests first, because if I don't I'll keep looking for whichever lady to compensate for them. Which will never happen.
I guess its bringing 100% of yourself into a relationship and not 50% hoping that the other person will meet you with their 50%.
Great insight all you'll!
Okay that's a mouthful Yana. If only other ladies axpressed themselves with such passion and conviction, maybe there'd be no misconceptions and myths about women and men. I for one must admitt I didn't know some things, but hey I learned.
No more messin' 'around from my side. I always try and make any lady I meet as comfortable as possible, sometimes to the point where its no fun for me, but hey after readin' all that. I'm a watch out for my own interests first, because if I don't I'll keep looking for whichever lady to compensate for them. Which will never happen.
I guess its bringing 100% of yourself into a relationship and not 50% hoping that the other person will meet you with their 50%.
Great insight all you'll!
Well, originally I posted this just because it is written in such a way as to be freakin hilarious, I was just re-reading the thread now and I was almost in apoplexly
moving along though.
Yana - marry me
moving along though.
Yana - marry me
QUOTE
Its true that there are many girls out there who play those kinds of mind games. My recommendation? Work on yourself as a man, as an individual. Develop your mind. Workto fulfill your passion, whatever that may be. Don't look for her. Believe me, the right WOMAN will find you.
So true, there are on average about four times as many women as there is men. There's no need to be so desprate to find the right person or for the sake of just having someone by your side.
Another thing women shouldn't do is blame a guy for not being understanding or sensitive or able to communicate, men are generally not suited to communicate with anyone verbally. (Two guys would generally say "HEY", other says "HOWZIT" and nothing after that - condisered bonding) Women should learn to understand when the guy is holding a girl he is communicating with her. It's more of an "Action speaks louder than Words".
For those of you that went to watch DEFENDING THE CAVEMEN by Tim something you will notice there is great deal of truth to what he has said. Men are limited to doing one thing at a time. They generally tend to focus on the info deemed relevent while women have the urgency of gathering every little aspect of the info.
QUOTE
Another thing women shouldn't do is blame a guy for not being understanding or sensitive or able to communicate, men are generally not suited to communicate with anyone verbally. (Two guys would generally say "HEY", other says "HOWZIT" and nothing after that - condisered bonding) Women should learn to understand when the guy is holding a girl he is communicating with her. It's more of an "Action speaks louder than Words".
Frankly, Fishfly, the idea that men aren't sensitive or understanding is a misnomer. In fact, men are very sensitive creatures, who express their love passionately and clearly. Talk is bullshit when it comes to real hard life issues. Its the man of action that shines as the true hero. A real woman sees this, values this greatly, and will worship the ground that man walks on. Yes, I'm a hero worshiper. Show me a man who says little but works hard, is always there when a crisis arises, and is affectionate, and I'll show you a god among men. All the others are just shadows trying to project the efficacious man.
QUOTE
If only other ladies axpressed themselves with such passion and conviction, maybe there'd be no misconceptions and myths about women and men.
Gouhan, sorry, I do tend to post tomes. Its a terrible habit to break. I tend to elaborate more times than not. Thank you for the lovely compliment. I am a passionate woman, and I introspect often enough to have gained a solid perspective in regards to men and relationship.
QUOTE
Yana - marry me
Doh! Now you ask me! LOL. Thank you, Ninja Mo, for the sweet offer. However, someone already beat you to the punch.
About the thread. Thanks for starting it, and posting all of that. Truth is, its funny because in many cases those things apply. Heck, many apply to the women in my family! LOL I'm just the black sheep of the family, and damn proud of it! Mwwaaahhhaaaa
QUOTE
Frankly, Fishfly, the idea that men aren't sensitive or understanding is a misnomer. In fact, men are very sensitive creatures, who express their love passionately and clearly. Talk is bullshit when it comes to real hard life issues. Its the man of action that shines as the true hero.
I completely agree... talking is simply communicating. Coming from a Taiwanese culture I have very little belief in saying much but a strong belief that the more you do the more you'll be rewarded.
Now YANA if only all the ladies of this world are a duplicate of you then there's not need for such useless emotion
QUOTE
Emotion is a sense which will be the downfall of all great nations.
Taken from an extract of The Matrich arch in the DUNE novels.
Yeah I do agree wholeheartly with my lovely.
Jeez you know now that i read all her posts again i have absolutely nothing to add!! LMAO!!!
Shes wonderful isnt she? Thats why i love her. Um Yana you think we should turn this here thread into a love thread instead and show these here people a thing or to of REAL communication? LMAO!!!
Jeez you know now that i read all her posts again i have absolutely nothing to add!! LMAO!!!
Shes wonderful isnt she? Thats why i love her. Um Yana you think we should turn this here thread into a love thread instead and show these here people a thing or to of REAL communication? LMAO!!!
lol, please no, you will depress us loners to death..
I hear what you are saying, but look who said it and in what context. Look at the seed of Chani and Paul's love, the only reason humanity survived, the golden path, Leto and his love for humanity and for the lady.
I got to disagree with the context of the quote.
It might bring down great nations, but it builds betters ones to replace them.
QUOTE
Emotion is a sense which will be the downfall of all great nations.
Taken from an extract of The Matrich arch in the DUNE novels.
Taken from an extract of The Matrich arch in the DUNE novels.
I hear what you are saying, but look who said it and in what context. Look at the seed of Chani and Paul's love, the only reason humanity survived, the golden path, Leto and his love for humanity and for the lady.
I got to disagree with the context of the quote.
It might bring down great nations, but it builds betters ones to replace them.
My love, what a wonderful idea. 
Problem is, the kind of communication we'd have can't be posted for public display. LOL.
About emotion...
Doing without emotion is an absolute impossibility. Why? Because emotions are the products of what we value most. In other words, if we care about it, we feel it. Emotions are the wonderful outcome, there for us to enjoy, of our philosophy. That is the reason why its not intelligent to "follow your heart." Emotions are a product, which is the tangible result after the development of our epistemology. We must understand what is at stake, and in order to know that, we must understand how the world functions, how reality function and our association with it. I won't go into a long dissertation on the many virtues of reality, but suffice it to say, that emotions are there for us to enjoy, and live life fully. One MUST introspect, and research their epistemology so that all contradictions are removed. Thus, your emotions will not be in conflict. Did I loose you? LOL Well, in layman’s terms, study philosophy and check your premises. If you do that, life will be a hell of a lot easier. So will love.
I love emotions. I love what I feel when I think of Megafox. I even enjoy the fact that I get angry, because it reminds me of what matters most to me. I DO check my premises, and introspect. I do check it all against reality (which is outside of my control and ME). I compare as to whether or not my perspective is skewed, and then base a conclusion on the results of research and contemplation. That is to be a volitional consciousness, and I choose to feel. What I feel is love.
Problem is, the kind of communication we'd have can't be posted for public display. LOL.About emotion...
Doing without emotion is an absolute impossibility. Why? Because emotions are the products of what we value most. In other words, if we care about it, we feel it. Emotions are the wonderful outcome, there for us to enjoy, of our philosophy. That is the reason why its not intelligent to "follow your heart." Emotions are a product, which is the tangible result after the development of our epistemology. We must understand what is at stake, and in order to know that, we must understand how the world functions, how reality function and our association with it. I won't go into a long dissertation on the many virtues of reality, but suffice it to say, that emotions are there for us to enjoy, and live life fully. One MUST introspect, and research their epistemology so that all contradictions are removed. Thus, your emotions will not be in conflict. Did I loose you? LOL Well, in layman’s terms, study philosophy and check your premises. If you do that, life will be a hell of a lot easier. So will love.
I love emotions. I love what I feel when I think of Megafox. I even enjoy the fact that I get angry, because it reminds me of what matters most to me. I DO check my premises, and introspect. I do check it all against reality (which is outside of my control and ME). I compare as to whether or not my perspective is skewed, and then base a conclusion on the results of research and contemplation. That is to be a volitional consciousness, and I choose to feel. What I feel is love.
LOL - you guys must read this, courtesy of the one-and-only Maddox
QUOTE
Twenty-six things a perfect guy would do, and other propaganda disseminated by misguided women.
Someone recently sent me an email titled 26 things a perfect guy would do. I thought "hmm, nobody could possibly send me anything so stupid, it can't possibly be as dumb as it sounds." I stand corrected. The email was just as advertised: a wish list of how women supposedly want men to act, as if men in this country weren't already an episode of Friends away from turning into giant walking vaginas.
I never thought I'd ever read anything that would induce my gag reflex so quickly, and this is after having read the details of an anal prolapse that a friend sent me tonight. Here is the abridged list (because the full list might literally cause you to barf on your keyboard, and frankly, it's not worth reading), followed by my response to each "thing" that a "perfect guy would do:"
1. Know how to make you smile when you are down!
When will women realize that they don't live on the set of a romantic comedy? Unless making you smile involves me playing video games while you cook me a steak, you're in for a disappointment. You don't think guys ever feel "down?" The door swings both ways, bitch.
2. Try to secretly smell your hair, but you always notice.
What? Why the hell would I want to smell a woman's hair? It smells bad enough with all the sprays and perfume they use. Enough with the conditioners, sprays, and cream already; that shit makes my eyes water. What the hell is conditioner anyway?
3. Stick up for you, but still respects your independence.
Translation: bail you out when you fail at life, but never bring it up during conversations.
4. Give you the remote control during the game.
This one is inherently stupid because it implies that all guys like to watch "the game." Since I'd rather be shot in the chest with projectile diarrhea than watch "the game," I'll assume the author meant something worthy of watching, such as Ren & Stimpy, in which case you need to put the bitch down if she touches your remote.
5. Come up behind you and put his arms around you.
LAME. Who has time for this? Sounds like something out of a herpes commercial where some lady is rock climbing or doing something else which symbolizes her independence, then out of nowhere she blurts out "I HAVE HERPES." The music gets all serious and you hear a voice over "...there is no cure," cue inspirational music "but treatment is available." Then it cuts to a shot of the bitch on a beach and a guy runs up behind her and puts his arms around her. Good job dumbass, you're dating a skank with herpes.
6. Play with your hair.
Again with the hair? Women never play with the hair on my back, why the double standard?
7. His hands always find yours.
This is one of those things women read and say "AWW HOW ROMANTIC." I have news for you: holding hands is stupid. Women don't know the first thing about being romantic. Only lesbians hold hands anyway; allow me to explain. The only time it's acceptable to hold hands with anyone is if you're at a peace vigil. Guys don't go to peace vigils, period. If you do, you have to surrender your balls and get a sex transplant because you're a bitch; in either case, you're a woman, and when two women hold hands it can only lead to one thing as far as I'm concerned.
8. Be cute when he really wants something.
Bullshit. When I want something, I yell. If she can't hear me in the kitchen, sometimes I'll threaten beatings if I'm sober.
9. Offer you plenty of massages.
For your boobs maybe. I happen to have the uncanny ability to massage breasts. With my mouth.
10. Dance with you, even if he feels like a dork.
Let's face it: there are few things in this world more stupid than dancing. Except break dancing, which pirates and lumber jacks would agree is awesome. Other than that, dancing makes me envy cripples.
11. React so cutely when you hit him and it actually hurts.
See, this is what pisses me off about women: they expect special treatment at their discretion. They want equal rights, equal pay, and equal treatment for everything EXCEPT when it comes to shit like this, then they want you to "react cutely" instead of, say, putting them in a head lock and making them eat ants and/or spiders while you give them carpet burn. Why don't women react "cutely" when men hit them for a change? Oops, I forgot, that's domestic abuse.
12. Drive 5 hours just to see you for 1.
Any guy who would drive five hours just to see a chick for one is an asshole. If every guy drove around for five hours just to spend one with their girlfriend, we'd fill up the air with so much pollution that we'd all choke on the exhaust, get cancer, and then bake under the sun while our lungs rupture and we slowly die from internal bleeding.
13. Stare at you.
You stupid attention seeking whore, just buy the bitch a mirror, because apparently she thinks that you don't have anything better to do than to sit around and stare at her. If women ran the world, we'd still be searching for the wheel.
14. Call for no reason.
Oops, this one belongs on the list of "Twenty-six things women do that piss men off because they need to fill their otherwise vapid lives with something to make them feel like they have a purpose for existing as they eventually realize that they're pissing their youth away on stupid bullshit like fashion trends."
I can't go on, I'm going to go do something less painful like stick my dick in the oven.
Someone recently sent me an email titled 26 things a perfect guy would do. I thought "hmm, nobody could possibly send me anything so stupid, it can't possibly be as dumb as it sounds." I stand corrected. The email was just as advertised: a wish list of how women supposedly want men to act, as if men in this country weren't already an episode of Friends away from turning into giant walking vaginas.
I never thought I'd ever read anything that would induce my gag reflex so quickly, and this is after having read the details of an anal prolapse that a friend sent me tonight. Here is the abridged list (because the full list might literally cause you to barf on your keyboard, and frankly, it's not worth reading), followed by my response to each "thing" that a "perfect guy would do:"
1. Know how to make you smile when you are down!
When will women realize that they don't live on the set of a romantic comedy? Unless making you smile involves me playing video games while you cook me a steak, you're in for a disappointment. You don't think guys ever feel "down?" The door swings both ways, bitch.
2. Try to secretly smell your hair, but you always notice.
What? Why the hell would I want to smell a woman's hair? It smells bad enough with all the sprays and perfume they use. Enough with the conditioners, sprays, and cream already; that shit makes my eyes water. What the hell is conditioner anyway?
3. Stick up for you, but still respects your independence.
Translation: bail you out when you fail at life, but never bring it up during conversations.
4. Give you the remote control during the game.
This one is inherently stupid because it implies that all guys like to watch "the game." Since I'd rather be shot in the chest with projectile diarrhea than watch "the game," I'll assume the author meant something worthy of watching, such as Ren & Stimpy, in which case you need to put the bitch down if she touches your remote.
5. Come up behind you and put his arms around you.
LAME. Who has time for this? Sounds like something out of a herpes commercial where some lady is rock climbing or doing something else which symbolizes her independence, then out of nowhere she blurts out "I HAVE HERPES." The music gets all serious and you hear a voice over "...there is no cure," cue inspirational music "but treatment is available." Then it cuts to a shot of the bitch on a beach and a guy runs up behind her and puts his arms around her. Good job dumbass, you're dating a skank with herpes.
6. Play with your hair.
Again with the hair? Women never play with the hair on my back, why the double standard?
7. His hands always find yours.
This is one of those things women read and say "AWW HOW ROMANTIC." I have news for you: holding hands is stupid. Women don't know the first thing about being romantic. Only lesbians hold hands anyway; allow me to explain. The only time it's acceptable to hold hands with anyone is if you're at a peace vigil. Guys don't go to peace vigils, period. If you do, you have to surrender your balls and get a sex transplant because you're a bitch; in either case, you're a woman, and when two women hold hands it can only lead to one thing as far as I'm concerned.
8. Be cute when he really wants something.
Bullshit. When I want something, I yell. If she can't hear me in the kitchen, sometimes I'll threaten beatings if I'm sober.
9. Offer you plenty of massages.
For your boobs maybe. I happen to have the uncanny ability to massage breasts. With my mouth.
10. Dance with you, even if he feels like a dork.
Let's face it: there are few things in this world more stupid than dancing. Except break dancing, which pirates and lumber jacks would agree is awesome. Other than that, dancing makes me envy cripples.
11. React so cutely when you hit him and it actually hurts.
See, this is what pisses me off about women: they expect special treatment at their discretion. They want equal rights, equal pay, and equal treatment for everything EXCEPT when it comes to shit like this, then they want you to "react cutely" instead of, say, putting them in a head lock and making them eat ants and/or spiders while you give them carpet burn. Why don't women react "cutely" when men hit them for a change? Oops, I forgot, that's domestic abuse.
12. Drive 5 hours just to see you for 1.
Any guy who would drive five hours just to see a chick for one is an asshole. If every guy drove around for five hours just to spend one with their girlfriend, we'd fill up the air with so much pollution that we'd all choke on the exhaust, get cancer, and then bake under the sun while our lungs rupture and we slowly die from internal bleeding.
13. Stare at you.
You stupid attention seeking whore, just buy the bitch a mirror, because apparently she thinks that you don't have anything better to do than to sit around and stare at her. If women ran the world, we'd still be searching for the wheel.
14. Call for no reason.
Oops, this one belongs on the list of "Twenty-six things women do that piss men off because they need to fill their otherwise vapid lives with something to make them feel like they have a purpose for existing as they eventually realize that they're pissing their youth away on stupid bullshit like fashion trends."
I can't go on, I'm going to go do something less painful like stick my dick in the oven.
QUOTE
It might bring down great nations, but it builds betters ones to replace them.
I got to agree there Ninja Mo but it takes over centuries to recreate such a great nation, I mean take a look at our very on world.
Rome was a great nation until they murdered Ceaser. The japanese samuri era was a great nation until the US brought gun powder into the country. The chinese nation was another great nation until the US brought Hash and Dagga into the country.
All these country fell and now it's been how many years before they are back up on top?
QUOTE
"Do You Believe In Fidelity?"
"Absolutely! I mean, Sony, they've got good stuff, but pioneer? I mean, wow!..... (carry on till she stops you....)" - Giving yourself more time to think, at the risk of looking like an idiot - you WILL look like an idiot.
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