Herro,

So I just want your opinions on the following because I'm really confused as to what I should do:

I have a friend, she has just recently turned 20 and fell pregnant (by accident). She is now 6 months along. Problem is, the father of the baby is a complete bastard, he treats her like utter crap. For example, we were at a concert and I wanted her to dance with me and he wouldn't let her! He is so controlling over her, and I can see she is unhappy.

He is 25 and clearly not ready for a baby. He hasn't even told his parents that she is pregnant! They have been dating for 7 months. He works until 11 or 12 every night and has just taken a part-time job which needs him to work on weekends, so they hardly ever see each other. They have at least one fight every day. He doesn't even go with her to the gynaecologist for the check-ups and scans!

Now the problem is, I really think he isn't right for her and I know she doesn't deserve to be treated this way. She has to leave him or she is going to be unhappy her whole life. I think she is holding on because he has told her he wants to get engaged to her since the first month they were dating - but not even her falling pregnant landed up with an engagement!

Should I tell her that I can't stand the dude and that she should leave him? I mean, it's not like she's going to be alone - there are four of us in this "friendship group" and we are all really close friends and we would do anything for each other. I mean, I am more than willing to babysit any time she needs a break. Or, should I just let them be and let nature take its' course? I am worried that if I tell her how I feel, it'll ruin our friendship but at the same time, I am worried that she is going to have her heart broken if I don't.

I can't stand "men" like that...

If he's "man enough" to make a baby then he should be "man enough" to start taking some responsibility, stop fighting about shit and start to make plans to become a father.

The truth hurts some times, but this guy is too much of a coward to acknowledge or face what is about to happen. Having a baby is a LIFE changing thing. For both of them.

He hasn't told his parents after this long? What is he twelve or something? If he ignores it long enough maybe it'll go away?

If he lacks the maturity to see the big picture and start taking some real responsibility then he won't be able to be a good father to this child.

Kick his ass to the curb, he's nothing but trouble.

Geez, if I got Jess pregnant I would die, but atleast I would have the balls to approach her parents and tell them what the story is, and I would be with her every step of the way too!

If you do go ahead and try to convince her that she can do better than him then be prepared for a worse case scenario.
And by that I mean be ready for when she writes off your friendship and those who tried to do the right thing for her.
Please let me try to explain; yes you've got a idea to do some good but even with good intentions if your friend does not want to leave him then she will stick to her guns. She'll try everything to make it work... the first in helping her is to be there for her... listen when ever she talks and never judge her or even let it seem that you're judging her. She has to want to get away from him. When she does, she will see that her friends are the ones who do really care for her. Yes, sure stone him if you want to. But do NOT directly or even indirectly badmouth him or anything like that. He WILL use that to his advantage and before you know it you've lost her.
I'm also guessing that she is pretty much scared this whole time; if he leaves her what will she do? what can she do to keep him, cause pregnant woman sometimes do think crazy thinks thanks to all the chemicals in their bodies during the pregnancy; she is also maybe insecure at the moment.

As cliche as this sounds; the wheel will turn again and he will get what he deserves. Till then pray that his parents find out some how. That will change him, cause then on every side he will have people kicking his ass.

Did she trip and fall on his dick ?

sorry toasted, but that is an overused excuse, one does not fall pregnant by accident.

Reverse gear does not work, he should wear a condom, she should be on the pill/injection or use a diaphragm.

These are consequences that you only realise after the oops that you made a booboo so to speak.


back on track,

you and your freinds, should all sit down with her and tell her that if she stays with him and does not give him the boot, she will not only be alone but will lose her friends because of him.

She should not worry about the legal aspect of it as she can take him to maintenance court and they will support her.

Further more, I know many guys that dont mind dating a girl with a child so she wont have trouble finding another guy, take me for example.

Its much easier for dating someone that has a child because we relate on all levels.

(do you have a pic of her? lolz)

but yeah thats my advice.

You should tell her how you feel, toasted. Perhaps she will want to end the friendship, but what if she ends up marrying this tosser, and you say nothing, wouldn't you feel worse then?

At the end of the day, the guy is bad news. By her wanting to be with this oke, the risk is that the child grows up in a dysfunctional environment, which can lead to problems later on in life (ask you friend if she wants this for her child).

Sometimes, people also think that they are in love with someone, but they are actually in love with the IDEA of someone. You friend needs to just see this guy for what he is - bad news, which will most likely just get worse as things go on...

You should tell her how you feel, toasted. Perhaps she will want to end the friendship, but what if she ends up marrying this tosser, and you say nothing, wouldn't you feel worse then?

At the end of the day, the guy is bad news. By her wanting to be with this oke, the risk is that the child grows up in a dysfunctional environment, which can lead to problems later on in life (ask you friend if she wants this for her child).

Sometimes, people also think that they are in love with someone, but they are actually in love with the IDEA of someone. You friend needs to just see this guy for what he is - bad news, which will most likely just get worse as things go on...

Kick the nob in the nads...

Sit her down and say to her she will be miserable with him for the rest of her life

Then

Kick her in the stomach, problem solved.

One thing though, he hasn't made a run for it so at least he is showing some sort of commitment with going through with the boo boo

okay this might sound totally weird and random (it kinda is) but this situation sounds very VERY familiar!!
her name isn't by chance Karryn??

If you let on that you do not like him, and she really does love him, she will pick him over you and your relationship will deteriorate. But its something you have to do. If you two are really good friends, then she will value your opinion.

Lol, divine_madness, that is not her name. Must just be a big coincidence.

Rushells, she is on Facebook if you are that desperate. And, yeah, I see what you are saying about pregnancy not being an accident. Thing is she was on the pill, and she decided to change to the injection and in between changing she decided to go trip and fall on his dick.

And fishfly, we are all going away on holiday together soon so I will have plenty opportunities to kick him in the nads.

lool you made me laugh a littled bit