1 Excerpts From A Dog's Diary
Day number 181
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 pm - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 pm - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
Day number 182
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
1:30 pm - ooooooo. bath. bummer.
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 pm - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 pm - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
2 Excerpts From A Cat's Diary
Day 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another
houseplant.
Day 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed.
DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan.
DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it includeda burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer". Moreimportantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how
to use it to my advantage.
DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his
current placement in the metal room his safety is assured.
But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...
Source Unknown
Full Version: Comparison of a Dog's and a Cat's Diary
rotfl
LOLOLOLOLOL
Hilarious!!!!
Hilarious!!!!
i've heard this before, and i still think its hilarious. we need more posts like this!
omfg, im still laughing
omfg, im still laughing
Famous Cat Quotes
A cat is a puzzle for which there is no solution. ~ Hazel Nicholson
A cat is always on the wrong side of the door. ~ Anonymous
A cat is there when you call her - if she doesn't have something better to do. ~ Bill Adler
A cat is the only domestic animal I know who toilet trains itself and does a damned impressive job of it. ~ Joseph Epstein
A cat makes all the difference between coming home to an empty house and coming home.
~ Unknown
A cat sees no good reason why it should obey another animal, even if it does stand on two legs. ~ Sarah Thompson
A cat will assume the shape of its container. ~ Unknown
A man has to work so hard so that something of his personality stays alive. A tomcat has it so easy, he has only to spray and his presence is there for years on rainy days. ~ Albert Einstein
A meow massages the heart. ~ Stuart McMillan
An ordinary kitten will ask more questions than any five year old. ~ Carl Van Vechten
As anyone who has ever been around a cat for any length of time well knows cats have enormous patience with the limitations of the human kind. ~ Cleveland Amory
As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat. ~ Ellen Perry Berkeley
By associating with the cat one only risks becoming richer. ~ Colette
Cat people are different, to the extent that they generally are not conformists. How could they be, with a cat running their lives? ~ Louis J. Camuti, DVM
Cats always know whether people like or dislike them. They do not always care enough
to do anything about it. ~ Winifred Carriere
Cats are connoisseurs of comfort. ~ James Herriot
Cats are kindly masters, just so long as you remember your place. ~ Paul Gray
Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia. ~Joseph Wood Krutch
Cats are the ultimate narcissists. You can tell this because of all the time they spend on personal grooming. Dogs aren't like this. A dog's idea of personal grooming is to roll in a dead fish. ~ James Gorman
Cats' hearing apparatus is built to allow the human voice to easily go in one ear and out the other. ~ Stephen Baker
Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you. ~ Mary Bly
Dogs have owners, cats have staff. ~ Anonymous
If animals could speak the dog would be a a blundering outspoken fellow, but the cat
would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. ~ Mark Twain
I love cats because I enjoy my home; and little by little, they become its visible soul. ~ Jean Cocteau
I've met many thinkers and many cats, but the wisdom of cats is infinitely superior. ~ Hippolyte Taine
Kittens are born with their eyes shut. They open them in about six days, take a look
around, then close them again for the better part of their lives. ~ Stephen Baker
Most cats, when they are out want to be in, and vice versa, and often simultaneously. ~ Louis F. Camuti, DVM
No amount of time can erase the memory of a good cat, and no amount of masking tape can ever totally remove his fur from your couch. ~ Leo Dworken
No matter how much cats fight, there always seems to be plenty of kittens." - Abraham Lincoln
Odd things animals. All dogs look up to you. All cats look down to you. Only a pig looks at you as an equal. ~ Sir Winston Churchill
Of all God's creatures, there is only one that cannot be made the slave of the lash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with a cat it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the cat. ~ Mark Twain
One cat just leads to another. ~ Ernest Hemingway
Purring would seem to be, in her case, an automatic safety-valve device for dealing with happiness overflow. ~ Monica Edwards
The mathematical probability of a common cat doing exactly as it pleases is the one scientific absolute in the world. ~ Lynn M. Osband
The more people I meet, the more I like my cat. ~ unknown
The naming of cats is a difficult matter. It isn't just one of your holiday games. You may think at first I'm mad as a hatter. When I tell you a cat must have three different names ~ T.S. Eliot
The only mystery about the cat is why it ever decided to become a domestic animal.
~ Sir Compton MacKenzie
The phrase "domestic cat" is an oxymoron. ~ George Will
There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats. ~ Albert Schweitzer
The smallest feline is a masterpiece. ~ Leonardo Da Vinci
The trouble with cats is that they've got no tact. ~ P.G. Wodehouse
There are no ordinary cats. ~ Colette
There is no more intrepid explorer than a kitten. ~ Jules Champfleury
There's no need for a piece of sculpture in a home that has a cat.~ Wesley Bates
Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this. ~ Anonymous
Two things are aesthetically perfect in the world - the clock and the cat. ~ Emile Auguste Chartier
What greater gift than the love of a cat? ~ Charles Dickens
When I play with my cat, who knows whether she is not amusing herself with me more than I with her." ~ Montaigne
Which is more beautiful, feline movement or feline stillness? ~ Elizabeth Hamilton
Who can believe that there is no soul behind those luminous eyes! ~ Theophile Gautier
With the qualities of cleanliness, affection, patience, dignity, and courage that cats have,
how many of us, I ask you, would be capable of becoming cats? ~ Fernand Mery
A cat is a puzzle for which there is no solution. ~ Hazel Nicholson
A cat is always on the wrong side of the door. ~ Anonymous
A cat is there when you call her - if she doesn't have something better to do. ~ Bill Adler
A cat is the only domestic animal I know who toilet trains itself and does a damned impressive job of it. ~ Joseph Epstein
A cat makes all the difference between coming home to an empty house and coming home.
~ Unknown
A cat sees no good reason why it should obey another animal, even if it does stand on two legs. ~ Sarah Thompson
A cat will assume the shape of its container. ~ Unknown
A man has to work so hard so that something of his personality stays alive. A tomcat has it so easy, he has only to spray and his presence is there for years on rainy days. ~ Albert Einstein
A meow massages the heart. ~ Stuart McMillan
An ordinary kitten will ask more questions than any five year old. ~ Carl Van Vechten
As anyone who has ever been around a cat for any length of time well knows cats have enormous patience with the limitations of the human kind. ~ Cleveland Amory
As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat. ~ Ellen Perry Berkeley
By associating with the cat one only risks becoming richer. ~ Colette
Cat people are different, to the extent that they generally are not conformists. How could they be, with a cat running their lives? ~ Louis J. Camuti, DVM
Cats always know whether people like or dislike them. They do not always care enough
to do anything about it. ~ Winifred Carriere
Cats are connoisseurs of comfort. ~ James Herriot
Cats are kindly masters, just so long as you remember your place. ~ Paul Gray
Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia. ~Joseph Wood Krutch
Cats are the ultimate narcissists. You can tell this because of all the time they spend on personal grooming. Dogs aren't like this. A dog's idea of personal grooming is to roll in a dead fish. ~ James Gorman
Cats' hearing apparatus is built to allow the human voice to easily go in one ear and out the other. ~ Stephen Baker
Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you. ~ Mary Bly
Dogs have owners, cats have staff. ~ Anonymous
If animals could speak the dog would be a a blundering outspoken fellow, but the cat
would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. ~ Mark Twain
I love cats because I enjoy my home; and little by little, they become its visible soul. ~ Jean Cocteau
I've met many thinkers and many cats, but the wisdom of cats is infinitely superior. ~ Hippolyte Taine
Kittens are born with their eyes shut. They open them in about six days, take a look
around, then close them again for the better part of their lives. ~ Stephen Baker
Most cats, when they are out want to be in, and vice versa, and often simultaneously. ~ Louis F. Camuti, DVM
No amount of time can erase the memory of a good cat, and no amount of masking tape can ever totally remove his fur from your couch. ~ Leo Dworken
No matter how much cats fight, there always seems to be plenty of kittens." - Abraham Lincoln
Odd things animals. All dogs look up to you. All cats look down to you. Only a pig looks at you as an equal. ~ Sir Winston Churchill
Of all God's creatures, there is only one that cannot be made the slave of the lash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with a cat it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the cat. ~ Mark Twain
One cat just leads to another. ~ Ernest Hemingway
Purring would seem to be, in her case, an automatic safety-valve device for dealing with happiness overflow. ~ Monica Edwards
The mathematical probability of a common cat doing exactly as it pleases is the one scientific absolute in the world. ~ Lynn M. Osband
The more people I meet, the more I like my cat. ~ unknown
The naming of cats is a difficult matter. It isn't just one of your holiday games. You may think at first I'm mad as a hatter. When I tell you a cat must have three different names ~ T.S. Eliot
The only mystery about the cat is why it ever decided to become a domestic animal.
~ Sir Compton MacKenzie
The phrase "domestic cat" is an oxymoron. ~ George Will
There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats. ~ Albert Schweitzer
The smallest feline is a masterpiece. ~ Leonardo Da Vinci
The trouble with cats is that they've got no tact. ~ P.G. Wodehouse
There are no ordinary cats. ~ Colette
There is no more intrepid explorer than a kitten. ~ Jules Champfleury
There's no need for a piece of sculpture in a home that has a cat.~ Wesley Bates
Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this. ~ Anonymous
Two things are aesthetically perfect in the world - the clock and the cat. ~ Emile Auguste Chartier
What greater gift than the love of a cat? ~ Charles Dickens
When I play with my cat, who knows whether she is not amusing herself with me more than I with her." ~ Montaigne
Which is more beautiful, feline movement or feline stillness? ~ Elizabeth Hamilton
Who can believe that there is no soul behind those luminous eyes! ~ Theophile Gautier
With the qualities of cleanliness, affection, patience, dignity, and courage that cats have,
how many of us, I ask you, would be capable of becoming cats? ~ Fernand Mery
This is a "lo-fi" version of our main content. To view the full version with more information, formatting and images, please click here.