A disgruntled coworker beats you to death with a computer keyboard.

A gang of midgets wraps you in plastic wrap and proceeds to cook you with a hair dryer. You are slowly squeezed to death as the plastic wrap shrinks around your body.

While drunk with friends, you fall down a flight of stairs and break your neck. Thinking you've simply passed out, your friends ignore your lifeless body for hours.

As the unfortunate target of a serial killer, you are skinned alive and left in an abandoned warehouse.

You defeat an egomaniacal opponent at chess. In his rage, he stabs you though the eye with his bishop.

Sunday, March 24, 2030

Mr. "Where the heck is the spell check?" writes...

I am hihly Ofented by yer site. I ast it when I wuld dy and it said yist'rday. Yer no god. I aint believin what tis ya wrote. Yer a hartless basterd. I can't believe ya think ya are god or some such thing.


The Death Clock replies...

Well, I would be ofented too. I ast that you please not dy on my account and please forgive me for being some a basterd.



Little Timothy from Tennessee writes...

Abourt three months ago, i was diagnosed with terminal cancer. They said i had about 6 weeks to live. A few days later i was browsing the web when i found the heart of my current inspiration. It is you. I was curios, put in by birth date to check up on the doctors. THEY WERE WRONG!!!! I am so happy. You and this company should be commending by the medical association. I know look forward to 34715378 more seconds of life....well now its 34715370......thank you again.


The Death Clock replies...

Praise the Lord, the DC has saved another soul. Now maybe that short sighted medical board will give me back my medical license!



Ms. Hopeless from Arkansas writes...

How are you able to tell when someone is going to die just by their birthday and sex? I did my grandpa's and it said he was going to die on March 25, 1998. He's been dead for a good nine or ten years. ???

The Death Clock replies...

Well, even Death makes mistakes sometimes. I have sent out a crew of our best grave rob... err, repo-men to dig up Gramps and deliver him to your front door. Enjoy the extra 5 months you have with Gramps, and excuse him if he's a bit stiff.


Delirious Danielle from Michigan writes...

I hope to die fastly.I would rather die fast than slow and painfully. I wish to see all my peaple and meet new ones. I hope to go to heaven and stay away from hellions, whether I fight Satin or any other bad sole, i'll be on the good side in heaven.

The Death Clock replies...

I've heard bad things about Satin, especially the upkeep. Also, the DC hates anything you have to hand wash.


Mr. "Darwin Was Right" from AOL writes...

to prove your theory wrong, i am going to kill myself right now. good riddance.

The Death Clock replies...

God I love natural selection!

While crossing what is typically a very quiet street, you're struck by a speeding motorist and are killed instantly.

Friday, January 1, 2066

You are beaten to death by a disgruntled teammate with a bar of soap stuffed in a gym sock.

Thursday, May 28, 2015

While marching in a local parade, you trip and stumble over a pothole. You are immediately crushed under the wheels of a fire engine full of clowns.

While attempting to remove a slice of burnt toast from your toaster using a metal fork, you're electrocuted.

You die from a ruptured spleen.

While scarfing down lunch, a large chunk of your meal becomes enlodged in your throat, and you choke to death.