Woman goes to her gynea complaining that every time she spreads her legs, her vagina starts singing "God Save the queen"
Gynea replies "Don't worry, a lot of cunts sing that song"
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After South africa win the World Cup, a woman who is absolutely bok befok goes to a tattoo shop and asks for a tattoo on the inside of her left thigh of Bryan Habana and one on the inside of her right thigh of Victor Matfield.
When the tattoo artist is done, she looks at his work and is furious. she says "there is no way that that is either Habana or Matfield!"
Tattoo artist replies "of course it is! lets get an opinion"
he pops his head out the door and pulls in the 1st person he sees who just happens to be Koos.
The tattoo artist points at the woman's inner thighs and asks Koos "Koos, who are those rugby players?"
Koos takes a loooong looks before replying "I am not too sure about the okes on the sides, but the oke in the middle is definitely Jonny Wilkinson"
Full Version: rugby jokes
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Hahahahaha. I was wondering how long they where going to take before coming out.
whats red and white and goes "beep beep beep" ?
England's victory parade bus reversing back into the garage
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The Springboks were playing England, and after the half-time whistle blew they found themselves ahead 50-0, Habana getting eight tries. The rest of the team decided to head for the pub instead of playing the second half, leaving Habana to go out on his own.
"No worries," Habana told them, "I'll join you later and tell you what happened." After the game Habana headed for the pub where he told his teammates the final score: 95-3.
"What!!!!" said a furious Jake White, "How did you let them get three points??!" Habana replied apologetically, "I was sent off with 20 minutes to go."
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In 1987 3 kids were playing in the street in London when they were hit by a train. They all go to heaven and God says to them, "You weren't supposed to die, you were all supposed to live out your lives. This was not your time. To make it up to you, I'll let you choose what you want to do with your life. Take a running jump off of that cloud over there, and as you're flying back down to Earth, shout out what you want to do. And so it shall be."
The 1st kid takes a running leap and shouts "Lawyer" and so, 20 years later, he is a very successful lawyer, making lots of money, with an upcoming appointment to the Bench.
The 2nd kid takes his turn and shouts "brain surgeon" and so, 20 years later, he is the most admired man in his field of medicine and making a ton of money saving lives.
The 3rd kid goes to take his turn, and as he runs he trips over his own feet and stumbles of the cloud muttering "stupid clumsy arsehole." 20 years later, he's playing the back line for the England rugby team.
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England rugby coach Brian Ashton takes the England side out for a training run and first up he tells everyone to assume their normal position. So they all go and stand behind they goalposts and wait for the conversion.
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The British post office will have to recall all of the latest stamps featuring England rugby players because the public can`t decide which side to spit on.
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England's victory parade bus reversing back into the garage
-----------
The Springboks were playing England, and after the half-time whistle blew they found themselves ahead 50-0, Habana getting eight tries. The rest of the team decided to head for the pub instead of playing the second half, leaving Habana to go out on his own.
"No worries," Habana told them, "I'll join you later and tell you what happened." After the game Habana headed for the pub where he told his teammates the final score: 95-3.
"What!!!!" said a furious Jake White, "How did you let them get three points??!" Habana replied apologetically, "I was sent off with 20 minutes to go."
---------------------------
In 1987 3 kids were playing in the street in London when they were hit by a train. They all go to heaven and God says to them, "You weren't supposed to die, you were all supposed to live out your lives. This was not your time. To make it up to you, I'll let you choose what you want to do with your life. Take a running jump off of that cloud over there, and as you're flying back down to Earth, shout out what you want to do. And so it shall be."
The 1st kid takes a running leap and shouts "Lawyer" and so, 20 years later, he is a very successful lawyer, making lots of money, with an upcoming appointment to the Bench.
The 2nd kid takes his turn and shouts "brain surgeon" and so, 20 years later, he is the most admired man in his field of medicine and making a ton of money saving lives.
The 3rd kid goes to take his turn, and as he runs he trips over his own feet and stumbles of the cloud muttering "stupid clumsy arsehole." 20 years later, he's playing the back line for the England rugby team.
-------------------------
England rugby coach Brian Ashton takes the England side out for a training run and first up he tells everyone to assume their normal position. So they all go and stand behind they goalposts and wait for the conversion.
----------------------
The British post office will have to recall all of the latest stamps featuring England rugby players because the public can`t decide which side to spit on.
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Little Peter was in his junior school class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up:
Fireman, policeman, salesman, politician, etc.
However, little Peter was being uncharacteristically quiet, and so the teacher asked him about his father. Reluctantly he replied, “My Dad’s an exotic dancer in a gay club, and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer’s really good, he’ll go out with a man, rent a cheap room and let him shag him.”
The teacher hurriedly set the other children to work on some colouring and then took Little Peter aside to ask him, “Is that really true about your father?”
“No,” said Peter, “My father plays rugby for England; I was just too embarrassed to say.”
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Did you hear that thieves broke into the England rugby team trophy room last night?
Scotland Yard are appealing for information on the whereabouts of a glass cabinet and a carpet.
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Fireman, policeman, salesman, politician, etc.
However, little Peter was being uncharacteristically quiet, and so the teacher asked him about his father. Reluctantly he replied, “My Dad’s an exotic dancer in a gay club, and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer’s really good, he’ll go out with a man, rent a cheap room and let him shag him.”
The teacher hurriedly set the other children to work on some colouring and then took Little Peter aside to ask him, “Is that really true about your father?”
“No,” said Peter, “My father plays rugby for England; I was just too embarrassed to say.”
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Did you hear that thieves broke into the England rugby team trophy room last night?
Scotland Yard are appealing for information on the whereabouts of a glass cabinet and a carpet.
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haha!
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