This year has been particularly terrible for me in terms of the opposite sex. First having to deal and get over being cheated on and then when I get the courage to take the chance on someone again, I got taken for a ride... And now, I am so cynical about love and relationships.

And with this time of the year... not having someone special to celebrate with the year's successes and laugh at the year's events...it sucks. Yes I have my family and they have been very supportive but its not the same as someone holding you or falling asleep in their arms... I miss those things, but at the same time, I dont want it because I'm afraid of being hurt yet again.

And I wonder you know, what do I do for this to happen? Surely there must be something that I'm doing wrong.. maybe I'm too trusting, tolerant, accepting? Too passionate to the extent that its off-putting? I dont know.

I know for a fact that I am not ready for a relationship right now, but I do want to be able to trust people again and not question everything and not doubt myself. I dont hate men, I know there are some incredible men out there, its just.. yeah... been hard this past 2 months or so especially. And this morning I woke up feeling not so lekka...

I just want to move on with my life and leave all the hurt in the past. But the latter is so hard to do. Because no matter how brave of a face or how confident people think I am, deep down... my confidence, my beliefs are tattered and torn, and its something I know only I can fix....

At least you have the right philosophy in place there.

Relationships are at the end of the about risks. Don't let fear keep you from taking risks (and yes, getting hurt does suck, but it is part of life really), because then you could end up all alone, 80 years old, living in a hovel, with a bunch of smelly cats to keep you company.

we learn from failed relationships. They make us stronger. Take what you have learnt and apply it well. But dont give up on yourself, there's a lid for ever pot.

Yr in CT, the men are all gay

Move

on a more serious note, dont go looking for it, it will find you (cheesy but true)

Good words Rush, all I can say is i've been at the bottom, you think you've had bad relationships.... trust me there are much worse.

Thing to look at is that if you are feeling really really down all there is is up!! make your life positive and you will go from strength to strength.

Not all of them are gay hunter... although that doesnt make it any better because most are either arrogant, have committment phobia, are lying cheating bastards or they just see you as a dudette...lol...
I guess there are some good CT men, but they are more often than not, taken.

I've never been a person to go out and look for love, if it doesnt find me it doesnt, if it does however, i dont know if I would want it at this stage in my life.. might feel differently in a few months time i dont know.

And I have definitely learnt alot about myself and about life from my past relationships. Yes rush there is a lid for every pot.. but the pot needs to be whole and fixed by herself before any lid will be able to fit.

And have friends like me. oh wait, you both already do. haha

Sorry I am in a weird mood this morning.

Treshi, I know times are tough at the moment. Have faith, spend time with your family and those friends you have had for a long time. Those that you know you can trust. Forget about us men. The right guy will find you. Hunters cheesy words are correctus.

^^ Too much coffee I suspect, going to come up to your desk and get some. have it ready

I've been in the same place as Treshi.

Only I was taking out the frustration caused by one woman on all woman. There were a few women who were interested in me but I pushed them all away trying not to get hurt again - only to end up hurting myself.

Atleast you don't hate men because there are alot of good guys out there.

Don't rush into anything either. There's really no rush. Be happy with yourself before you happy with some one else.

The right person for you will come around when they are supposed to.

I know what you mean rurounikenshin... there are guys interested in me now, but I'm hesitant... I think i would just contaminate and poison a relationship given the way I feel about things right now...

A few months ago I was so ready to let romance and love back into my space.. then i got burned rather badly... and now the cynicism has settled in... and i think it likes me ...lol

but you are all right, its time for some me time.... i am going away for a while on friday so it should be good for my little soul...

thank you for the advice and the caring... i appreciate it...

ok now everybody.. group hug!!!!!

Where you going Treshi? How long you going for?

Its a cottage in the Hemel en Aarde valley in Hermanus.. will be staying till 28 December... Its my uncle's place and he offered to let me stay there for a few days.

What is the point of this discussion?

That sounds fantastic Treshi. I am sure that will be nice and relaxing.

dr_z, Treshi is a valued member of the community and she is just letting us know how she feels, and possibly looking for a bit of advice from people that may have been in the same situation. Hope that cleared it up for you.

You insensitive prick...

she's taking hunter's advice moving away from the ghey men of CT
group

Treshi you should take men with a pinch of salt at this point in time... are you seriously looking for something which will end up in you being married 3-4 years down the road? You sohuld be selective and look for what you need what the man can offer... yes people take you for a ride but that's how you learn...

btw you need someone to take out this dude's kneecaps? I know some contacts in CT

Fishy dont tempt me and besides taking out kneecaps is not painful enough muahahahaha.. but seriously though, whatever wrongs they did to me, they will get their own back in their own time in their own way....

cyfer i mean correctus... yes it should be relaxing, its a beautiful place with a river and all.. its just what I need...

and z.... the reason for my post is exactly what correctus/cyfer said.... i wanted some advice from people who has been in the same place as i am right now and talking about things really does help... i'm glad i wrote this post, i wasnt going to submit it at first.... but i feel much better compared to this morning

as humans, I think we all crave acceptance and someone to lean on from time to time. Some people need it more than others and the best way to get this type of support is in a relationship. Your partner SHOULD be there for you when you feel down or need to bare your soul.

More often than not the best person to have is of the oppsitte sex, someone that can potentially be more than a friend.

We sometimes needs to hear words of encouragement or have that someone reassure us when we feel unsure or lacking in confidence.

We don't feel whole when not in a relationship. How often do we find ourselves looking at our involved friends and think "Oh damn I need to find me a girl/man/gerbil" ?

But at the same time, we get let down by those people who we trust and put our time and effort into which makes it harder the next time round, which is why you are probably feeling cynical Treshi, but you cant give up on love. Being in love is one of the most undescribable feelings on earth. It makes us feel whole, fulfilled, complete and with purpose.

You just need to keep your chin up and wait for Mr. Right, just remember that relationships are like playing the lottery, you never going to win until you buy a ticket.

And what are the chances of winning the lottery?

Seems to me that Dr Z has nothing better to do than spam...

They increase when you buy a ticket

Boy, Frik, you sure are one cynical dude.

Posts like that won't win you the post-a-thon as they won't be counted.

The point Rush was making is that you can't win the lottery if you don't at least enter. i.e. You won't find a partner if you not willing to try.

I think I have the ability to be quite cynical too.

Problem is.... in my case it's the woman at fault always! I see it more and more, people cheating etc. etc. it's just not right

No wonder Marriage is just a word these days, to easy to get into, too easy to get out of etc. etc.

I see woman now becoming like men, they starting to enjoy sex and this sortof power they hold over us, problem is if they are now becoming like "men" so to speak in general things are really going to get stuffed up. They are already equal on the business field and in most respects of any attribute trying to leapfrog men.

If you can do it, we can do it better.

If you can cheat "we can do it better"

If you can party "we will stay out longer and get totally ratfaced and then say" "I did it because I can"

This girl power bullshit is going to be the cornerfront of many a divorce and break in relationship.

Don't worry Shi-Shi, it happens to the best of us.

All you need is time and eventually you will meet the person that is meant for you: the person that treats you exactly how you want and deserve to be treated and who loves you just as you are.

But rushells really has it down when he says: Just wait till you get that excited feeling again, knowing you are with someone. All the pain you've been through will be worth it - as improbable and impossible as it may sound now.

Awwww let's hug and make sweet love.

awww....

toasted

I'll second that!

some girl on girl action

Toast I agree, lets hug and make sweet love! I'm buying dinner

LOL. Such a charmer you are. You can buy the dinner, I will have the dessert.

So i've been told, although I think my charm only comes out in person

And while you guys are eating I'll leave with the ladies!

He he!

Sounds like a good idea rurounikenshin

What did you think was for dessert? The ladies of course.