so here's what happened. i've been with my guy for a couple years and although like all couples we have our fights etc., we both always said we'd be together for a long time - marriage and everything.

then the other day, he's supposed to come stay at my house. he gets out the car and says "i'm not staying", along with giving me a letter. he wants to "take a break" which we both agreed basically meant breaking up.

anyway, just outta nowhere, the man i thought i was going to marry just doesn't love me anymore.

he doesn't know why but he says he has just been feeling "different" about me. he doesn't know how either.

he wants to see what else is out there in the world - which i take as "trying out" different girls.

all my friends, i met through him. i have no one without him. he's waiting a week to give me a decision: to break up, or to try over. something tells me he'll break up with me.

how can so many years just be thrown away so quickly? how can you just stop loving someone, and start loving them "as a friend"?

he says it's got nothing to do with me, and i've done nothing wrong. can anyone tell me how it can not be me? he wants a different girlfriend. he doesnt want ME for the rest of his life. obviously i just havent been "good enough" or something?

obviously, he wants to remain friends and all that, and i NEED him in my life, as a friend, but more importantly as a boyfriend, but i don't know how i would feel being his friend that is
a. in love with him, and
b. going to be unable to handle it when he gets another girlfriend, let alone someone i know. then i'll know that all the time we were together, he was most probably wanting her instead of me.

i know i will never find another guy to love me. i never have been able to find someone that loves me as ME, and that wants to be with ME. i've tried convincing him, tried begging him. i know this hurts him, but not nearly as much as me. i must have done so much wrong in a previous life to be going through this pain now. i'm not going to contact him until i see him to get his answer, maybe then he'll realise what he's missing.

if we break up, HOW AM I EVER GOING TO MEET SOMEONE? i have noone to go out with to try find someone, because they are all mainly his friends. i'm going to miss our weekends just relaxing and being pigs, our holidays together, going out, laughing together (which is something we always did).

he says how much this hurts him. that he still cares about me. he still finds me attractive. he loves me (he's just not sure how) - what i don't get is, if he still cares about me, finds me attractive, loves me, and finds this so difficult, why does he have to do this? why can't we go on together. he says it's just something he has to do for himself. i've lost all hope for life. without him, i am nothing.

my life is crumbling before my eyes. i can't live without this man, and i can't believe that he can live without me.

Firstly: You do NOT need him. The more you tell yourself that you need him, the less progress you make.

Otherwise: This happens and it really sux. The whole: "it's not you... it's me routine" actually does have a bit of truth; HE has changed.

I really don't have much advice to offer, but think better of yourself... I'm sure you have friends and people that care about you. Feel free to mourn, but be strong and move on.

I know this sounds really callous but you need to find some self esteem

Self esteem? Try a strap on backbone...do you slouch a lot?
Maybe the guy got bored because he knows everything about you...boredom can kill anything...all it takes is:"oh same ol same ol and nothing new happened". Judging from your attitude I'm guessing you were the one with the collar in this BDSM relationship. STOP blaming yourself. If he calls it quits accept it and move on.Trust me you'll grow up a lot quicker with these experiences. And dont go crawling back to him or try to draw it out. Cut it off like loreena bobbit and stay awkward "friends". R10 bucks says you'll try to get with him again (or vice versa) at the next drunken opportunity.

If you want to get back at him..maliciously...let me know. I'm always up for terrorising the little sheep.

Oh and maybe he's got a fling on the side... Maybe I'm too cynical?

^^ Guess logging in helps...sorry slow Thursday.

^^ hahahahhaha after reading that I thought to myself Damn that seriously sounds like BlackRazor or a twin

As for depressed, this is the thing:

1. You don't NEED him
2. Stop telling yourself that you need him
3. You just need to adjust living by yourself
4. Make new friends
5. Find a different crowd



You are clinging on too tightly to him and what this shows is that he has the power over you, to control you.

If he said he loves you HTF can he say he wants to explore different avenue?

That tells me he just wants other people and has no respect for you!

So pull yourself together and try progress one day at a time... think of the things you want to do without him.

Start by going shopping/parties without thinking that you need him by your side and DON'T feel guilty about it!

To answer your question as to why love never lasts... well simply because the type of love between you and this guy was just not the one that was meant to or had the substance to last...


Alot of people, in my opinion. get caught up in the idea of being in love instead of just loving that person or realising that it is not actually love at all.... All the things you mentioned... laughing together and going out.... its all part of the illusion of love that people create...... if you do those things with people, surely it must be signs of love? right? wrong...

evidence of real love comes from the silences you share and in that silence, the love is expressed the most

it comes from the safety and security you automatically feel in that persons presence or just thinking about them

it comes from the desire within you to protect and shield that person from any harm, the desire to help that person when in need

to hold that person in you arms and know that even if some major natural disaster would occur, you'll die peacefully, safely in the arms of the person you love

evidence of love is not in the fact that you go out, that you relax together, or go away on weekends together.... those are things you can do with anyone anytime..... it is what develops in those times, what is felt in those times.... that is the essence of love...


from the way and what you wrote.. it seems to be that you are hanging onto the idea of being in love... i say this because the first thing you said was what am I going to do? who am I going to go out with? will I meet another person? you not distraught about losing him, you distraught about losing the love and alll the other stuff you mentioned....


rather save yourself for someone who is worthy of your love.. someone who you truly love..... and love that person for what he is, for his substance..... the danger of becoming attached to someone in the way you have means that if the idea of love goes, so does your life go downhill... dont let that happen

you better than that and i'm sure you have lots of family who loves you and will be there for you... good luck and all the best

If this happened recently (which it probably did), then you obviously dont see anything clearly. About a month or 2 from now you will start to see why it is probably a good thing that this happened now.

Would you rather he stay with you without realy loving you /wanting to?
Would you rather he stay with you and he feels that he "wants to try other girls"?

And even if he does go out with someone you know, it doesnt mean that he wanted her all this time. People change.

You should not try to go out and meet someone. Get some activies to do by yourself, and soon enough you will make new friends, and you probably will meet someone when you least expect it.

Lastly, get a backbone, and cut yourself off from him completely. This is the best way to get over him as fast as you can. (says the guy who still has a pic of his ex-gf's belly in his avatar... )

sh1t happens, trust me - i'm the freakin posterchild for crap situations! you'll get over it, as we all do...

Pain is part of learning who you are, you can't control the uncontrollables; What will be, will be. It'll all work out in the end, and ten years down the line, you'll wonder why you ever got so worked up over it...

I know it REALLY HURTS SO MUCH to be in your position now...

"someone that loves me as ME" --> I know it's diffiult to do but one thing you could try though is to LOVE HIM for WHATEVER he is. Love him as HIM. Even if it means accepting him even for being with another girl. Keep doing something to express your love for him... Spend some time and effort everyday to do something that would express your love for him....

My God bless you...

Wish you a very speedy recovery....

I just had to follow BlackRazor’s path to this topic, which did catch my attention in the end and so I had a gander through this to see what it was all about.

I could say what has happened in my life, but then I would just be bragging of what I have been through, and how I managed to survive the suicide attempts that came to mind. Still I stand up to the fact that there is more to life, than just any one particular person.

I'm not a love shrink, nor am I an expert on life situations. The only things I know is that without experiences like these, we don't get to know who we really are, or what we really want in life. Once the shimmer of sadness has lifted, each individual will realize that what they had was not what they were really wanted. Over time each and everyone will get to know exactly what feeling represent, and how they will know that they have found the special one in their lives.

There is absolutely no one that can tell what is right and what is wrong. You will be the only one to know that, but you can be sure that there is a person that will stand by you when you make the decisions, and be able to stand by your side when you go through the shit when it comes your way, or learn from you when you succeed.

Take a look around and wipe the sadness from your eyes (everything just looks blurry) take a closer look at what you have, rather than what you have lost. Most likely you have lost the so called “love of your life” but in the end what have you received in return.

Experience is something that no one can take from you. That is what makes you - you. Rather be grateful, than disappointed.

Okay that is enough of my ranting. Maybe it’ll make sense to you, or someone else. This is just my opinion.

i understand what you're going through. My boyfriend recently did the same thing to me. our whole live merged perfectly. All of the friends that we had independtly loved each of us together. Our kids were telling everyone how they were brohers and sisters. He would tell me that he wanted to spent the rest of his life with me, that he had never been with someone as wonderful as me. Then all the sudden he started to change. He began drinking a lot and then there were a few nights that he stayed out real late. He would come in drunk and tell me that he was just no good. I don't understand what happened and none of the kids do either. This is really hard for all of us and i don't know what to do.

urm jenn maybe speak to your BF and ask exactly what is it that he's done which warrants this change... try be supportive regarding his situation - maybe he's gotten into a gambling debt, took out a loan from a loan shark, etc - maybe he's done something that he's not very proud of, try get to the bottom of it.

shame girl ...

to keep things short and sweet ...

when he says its not you, its him. trust me, it is him. he prob wants to feel 'in love' again and just doesnt appreciate what you guys have .... or hes just not ready for never being with someone else again

try not to let this fook up your self esteem ... its not worth it and seriously, im sure your a wonderfull person ... imean the guys been with you for so long for various reasons ... remember that

dont dwell on the crud ... remember the good stuff and get over it (not to be harsh but yeah ... im sure your picking up wot im putting down)

YOU CAN DOOO IIIITTT !!!!!!!

I have been down this road from the opposite end.

Sometimes people need to lose what they have to appreciate it more.

the best thing you can do is to show him you can get on without him.

I understand that you share friends, but you need to get out there, maybe find some single girls that you work or study with and go out and party hard.

He'll eventually hear or find out that you are out there enjoying life and will probably come crawling back