I was going to post this onto my blog, (I typed it in wordpress..) but decided against it at the last minute because my girlfriend often reads my blog, so I thought it better to keep things under wraps for a little bit, unless of course you all think I should let her read it.

but anyway, here is the post:

I don't know where I am going with this post, so apologies if I wander, I just want to put down what I’m thinking today.
My girlfriend and I have been together for close on 4 months now. Reading back to my old posts about our first meeting was nothing new to me, because I remember the so obvious connection that we had like we met yesterday. It was one of the best feelings that I have ever experienced, and I will not soon forget it, if ever. Those feelings are still apparent today, and are stronger.

I have fallen in love. Heavily in love, wonderfully, and terribly, in love. There is nothing better, really there isn't, and I wouldn't trade it for the world. When we started seeing each other, I knew that things were going to have to end at some stage, because our lives were going in different directions, i.e. I am staying here, while she is going home to SA in June. I tried to keep things slow. I tried to take things one day at a time, enjoy what I had for what it was and make sure that I kept in mind what was inevitable. Now I am faced with saying goodbye to the most spectacularly amazing person I know, and I don't want to.

Following her home... Something I would do if I had options. Going home in June for good is not an option for me. My parents are still here, I refuse to start university straight after school, and our house is being rented out until Jan of 2007. It would mean starting from scratch, with a little bachelor-flat and a crappy job trying to support myself for a while, or leeching off my sister and her husband. Neither of which I want to do, but given the circumstances, I would.

I however, also knew something else at the beginning. And that was a small matter of the guy in SA. I knew that she shared a connection similar to ours with someone else. I knew it, and it bugged me big time, but what I felt for her was way too strong to let something like that get in the way. I knew right from the beginning, that I would lose her to him at some stage, and I accepted that, I knew that what we would have together would be great, and that as long as I kept in mind that she wasn't mine forever, things would be ok. I was wrong, I don't want to let go now. The thought of this guy anywhere near her makes my skin crawl. Just the other day I happened to notice the screensaver on my girlfriend’s phone was who I assume to be this guy. It made me livid. I am still angry. Really angry, but I know that it’s something I should never be angry about. It’s a small insignificant thing that shouldn't bother me. Especially since I knew all along that I was fighting a losing battle. But it does bother me. I love this girl, and she loves me, and it’s my fault for letting it get this far when I knew what would happen all along.

I want to beg her to stay here for a while longer, take a 6 month gap before university, so that we can go home together in 2007, but I know that that is not fair on her. Not at all, and I wouldn't even dream of asking her to do it for me. We both have our lives to lead, and I don't want to stop her or slow her down for one minute, because she has an amazingly bright future, and 5 minutes of wasted time would make me guilty for eternity.

Her valentine’s card to me read like this:

I smile bigger, laugh harder and think happier thoughts...
Days are brighter, nights are sweeter, cares are lighter...
It just feels easier...
I'm my happiest...
... because you're in my world

Every line rings true for me, and makes me love her more.

I am going to make her last few months here in Dubai her happiest if I can, and hope that things won’t be as hard as I think they will.

Wow, that is a though situation...

Have you talked to her about what is gonna happen? And I don't mean the 'we know it is gonna end' but I am talking about the options and feelings? You should talk to her about it and see what she says about it. Personally I would tend to say that you shouldn't chase her (the other guy seems to be a problem perhaps?) although on the other hand you have this strong connection and if I would have it I would probably follow her and struggle for a little while...

But like I said, you should probably hear what she says. There is no point in chasing her if she is gonna be with the other guy in SA, you also know her for only 4 months so it is difficult to say how things will be when put into a different situation (country, work, etc). I guess following your heart would be the best (for yourself) but do it with her throught put into it...

If I would speak for myself and my current gf, I would try to make it work (although she doesnt have another guy, how do you do that?) but it has to come from two sides, 4 months is really short...

You say that it isn't fair to ask her to stay longer but is it fair on you to follow her? Like I said, two sides...

gitano, first speak to her about this. As JuCa said there's not point in dropping everything in an attempt to get a glimmer of hope. Maybe things aren't ment to be, maybe it is? but right now you have to thing about the right thing - that is your education/lifestyle must come first! People change and if you make the wrong changes you'll never get that back.

this might sound harsh.. but how deep can the connection be if the other person even considers another man? if the connection between the two of you are is so strong, why is there even mention or rather why is he a screensaver on her cell, if it is him? why are you not the content of the screensaver? does this guy in SA even know of your existence? has she ever said she would be prepared to make sacrifices to be with you?

its only been four months... dont rush into something that is so young, when you might end up hurting over it for longer than four months... if someone is truly in love with you and loves you, there wont be a third party that they have a similar connection with.. yes you can fall in love many times in a lifetime, but in love with two people at the same time? i dont know gitano..... someone is going to end up hurt... i hope its not you....

i've been where you are..... even if i didnt know it for a while... my then bf now ex had fallen in love with someone else and he had a connection as he said, with this girl.. he told me he was in love and all that... he was even planning on marrying her.. this from a guy that had marriage high on his not to do list...... a month later, she dumped him at a drop of a hat.... and the connection he felt with her, was one sided, it wasnt felt in the same way by her as he did.... he cheated on me on the basis of a 5 month connection he had with this girl, a connection which ended in him being hurt really bad.... And now his lonely, regretful and hurting.... dont let that happen to you....

if you truly feel in your heart that the connection is real and you feel its right..... and if it is real and right, the connection will be there in 6 months time, in 10 months time.... so give it time.. take this next few months to get to know her, and I know you think you do know her and all.... but really take time time to get to know her as a person, not just her and her emotions...

dont disrupt your life for someone that isnt willing to disrupt their life for you.... she needs to make up her mind.... its either you or the guy in SA.... she cant have it both ways.....ask her about it, talk to her, discuss things.....

so think about it, ask the hard questions, go deeper and really consider this all.... even the painful issues such as the deal with this other guy.... its a small price to pay for your future happiness... i would hate it if you made a decision to disrupt your life in dubai, and end up regretting it.....

i wish you all the best and i hope whatever you decide or do or end up doing , makes U happy.... if its with her, congrats and make the best of the relationship, if not, then remember that every man has his dream woman out there, he might not find her right now, but when the time is right, it will happen..... Good luck!

Thanks for all the thoughts guys, I really will consider everything you have said.

Tonight we went out for dinner, and had an amazing evening. We were talking about how we felt when we first met, and she somehow managed to explain my feelings to me, without me telling her first, so Im pretty sure (well hoping) that this isn't the same as Treshi's ex's situation. We spoke about the guys in SA, and the deal is that they broke up because she moved away, no other reason. She still has some feelings for him, and speaks to him on the odd occaision, but it doesn't look like anything will be rekindled. Lets wait and see.

Then she asked what I thought about her leaving. I can't remember exactly how the conversation went, but she asked me to tell her exactly how I felt about us carrying on, because she had tried many times before only to get the answer I wanted to give her. At least I know Im not a complete see-through hey.
So I told her. I told her everything about how I feel about her moving away, and she was stunned. Like wide eyed, spechless kind of shocked. Once she had her head around it, she told me that she never thought I felt that way, and that she is completely re-evaluating what she wants. We wpent the rest of the night talking about possibilities for the future, like what would happen if she stayed, or if I went home, or etc.

Thanks guys, I will keep you posted on this.
Im going to post this onto my blog, because I would like to keep a record of how things are going, and now that she knows, no point in hiding it!

Thanks again.

dude dude dude. I FEEL YOU COMPLETLEY 100%

maybe my story can help you feel a bit better (well at least not alone).

In the beginning of december I went out clubbing to a popular niteclub. I was dancing near a group of girls and took an interest in one of them. She walked off the dancefloor and proceeded to the bar where I decided to make a move. Later on that nite we started making out when she told me that she didnt want anything too serious because she was moving to jo'burg in a couple of months, to which i replied thats perfect because im planning on moving to uk early 2006.

so december - feb turned out to be some of the best times i've ever had. moreso than a previous relationship which lasted for more than 1 1/2 years. Then, without prior warning, I get dumped, and no, not by phonecall or sms, but by email. It totally shattered me.

I couldnt figure out why she did it. We both have 3months left here, and everything was going great. So feeling bitter I decided to leave it. I didnt want to end up hating her, instead opting to being gratefull for the time I had with her, take it as an experience, and move on.



After about a week, I get this sms. She tells me that the reason she broke it off was because she fell in love with me. And that for me, put a huge spanner in the works. Because, I too started to have deep feelings for her, but what made it worse was the fact that her old boyfriend was returning from overseas and wanted to see her (which I really cudnt do anything about since where no longer together). This just made me feel really really sad. Then on Friday nite she phones me crying on the phone wishing she cud be with me.

Whats a guy supposed to do in these types of situations?
Its really hard Gitano, it really is.

Then I sat back and thought about it for awahile...

Everyone said that I shud let her go, because it wudnt be worth it in the end.
She said to me that we cudnt be together, it wudnt be fair on both of us.
But what about what I want???
Did anyone think about that???

What do you want Gitano? Do you want her? Its times like these where u have to be selfish. You have to fight for her. And why must you fight? Because in the end its all that matters, Love & Happiness.

Now in my situation all I can do is get her back for a few months, and thats exactly what I plan on doing. It'll probably hurt more when we eventaully do separate. But, so be it. I'll take the pain.

Im seeing her on Friday, because I know where she's gunna be. And I'm gunna fight for her.

Now I've only read ur first post, as to give my first honest opinion.

So now heres your question: Will you fight for her?

Badavis, dude, I love you.

Thanks for letting me know someone else is going through the same thing, its good to hear.

Ill go down fighting.

Just my 2c:

I think its a bad idea to change your dreams for a girl you are not sure you are gonna marry.
If you want to tour europe or whatever do it. If you change your plans for this girl, and things dont work out 6 months from now, you will probably be angry at her for depriving you of your dream or gap year or whatever.

I'm not saying you will be changing your dreams, its just something to consider:
...would you still change your plans for the future for her if you knew your relationship was only going to last 3 months longer?

At the beginning of 2004 I also met this great girl. It was both of our final years at varsity, and knew our paths would probably separate at the end of the year. At that time I thought the chance of the relationship lasting a whole year was not exactly 100%.
At the end of the year, I felt different. There was not much I could do to ensure that we would be together for the next year, so we decided to give the long distance thing a go. Although it didnt work out in the end, we were together for another year. And I wouldnt have wanted it any other way.
Six months apart is a long time... but if you realy want to, it need not be the end of the relationship.

On the other hand though, if you do not follow the girl you might throw away something great with her, Europe will stay (or wherever) but the girl probably aint.

A few words of advice:

NEVER let opportunity pass you by. Take every opportunity that you can and make the most of it. Just be very aware that you are the one that will have to be able live with the consequences of your actions.

Valheru, I completely agree, BUT, which one is the opportunity? Staying with her and potentially being happy for the rest of my life, or leaving her and touring the world?

Thanks for all the thoughts guys. I am definately going to stay in Dubai after I finish school, just for 6 months or so, maybe get a job at one of the local dive centers, but staying will be her decision, as much as I want her to, its hers in the end.

Dreams and asperations can be altered or adjusted by someone coming into your life and there is no reason to cancel your dreams all together, just include the person that entered your life.

Good luck :\

Erm, mebbe find out if it is that guy first

maybe it's a movie start or some p0rn actor

when you meet someone, you can never expect what you had in mind, or had planned to always follow through.

i was always going to goto uni after matric, no questions asked. but toasted wanted to take a gap year and what not, so i changed my plans for her, and it was 100% worth it. even though it was hard for my parents to accept (me going away for 9months), i did it, im back, and now i am studying.

as long as both sides are willing to adapt to eachother then things should go well. it's when you are willing to sacrifice everything and the other person could not even be bothered that you will run into problems.

have you asked if she would not maybe like to come with you on your travels?

I'm not sure that anyone person can make you happy for the rest of your life. This is fantasy. I think one can potentially have a more meaningful existence alongside someone else. Happiness, however, blows with the wind - it's here and then it's not.

I'm not sure that you can persuade anyone to want to be with you either. It's about a person making his or her own choices and taking responsibility for those choices once they have been made.