Understanding the Female Mind
She asks you tricky questions; we tell you how to answer them without getting yourself into trouble

Edited by: Matt Bean
Posted on 10/17/2005

Want to understand the female mind? Rent Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.

Want to do it without feeling your testicles recede into your body? Listen to what she's asking you -- not what she says, but what she means. "A woman wants the man in her life to see things from her point of view," says Brenda Shoshanna, Ph.D., author of The Anger Diet. "She wants to feel like you're on the same page." Here's a quick guide to dodging any conversational bear trap.

She asks: "Can you believe Dan cheated on Sarah?"

You answer: "What could he have been thinking?"

Doesn't matter if shes talking about friends or TV characters -- this is her thinly veiled way of checking your moral compass. In her perfect world, you'd tell her you don't condone cheating under any circumstances, and punctuate your statement with "May his manhood turn black and fall off." If you're not comfortable with that, simply express concern for the cheatee. "She wants to know you empathize with the woman," says Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D., author of Make Up, Don't Break Up.

She asks: "Is she pretty?"

You answer: "Are you fishing for compliments?"

She could be talking about your ex, your coworker, or that hot waitress. Whoever the woman, your girlfriend doesn't want to feel threatened. Confront this one head-on, says Lillian Glass, Ph.D., author of I Know What You're Thinking -- but do so with a bit of humor. Then offer her a reassuring ego boost by telling her she's beautiful.

She asks: "Why is my best friend being such a bitch?"

You answer: "I don't blame you for being ticked off."

This one's a catch-22, says Weil. No woman wants to hear that someone she cares about is a screaming shrew. But she also wants you to be on her side. "You have to validate her feelings, but not necessarily agree with her," advises Weil. Whatever you do, don't insult the friend (or family member) in the process.

She asks: "Would you go out with Angelina Jolie?"

You answer: "Angelina has fat lips. I prefer yours."

Of course you'd go out with Angelina Jolie. You'd be on her like green on grass. You know it, and your girlfriend knows it. (Just as she'd be nannying the hell out of Jude Law if she had the chance.) "She's trying to pick a fight," says Weil. Instead of answering either way, find a flaw in the famous hottie. You didn't lie, and you made the woman in your life feel attractive.

A mailorder bride

I just look at it as helping out all the guys I've heard saying that they don't get us, and don't know what to say to make us feel good about ourselves?

I don't get it, I always hear guys going ON AND ON AND ON about how they don't understand women. As soon as they then get advice, and don't like what they're hearing, we become self-centred.

I'm sure that Ug (the neanderthal) and Ooga (his wife - or mate whatever) were very happy... i'm also quite sure that Ug never had to think about surprising Ooga with nice flowers, or 'a surprise hug from behind', or any of this crap we hear about.

Yeah, and we iron, clean, do the dishes, do the laundry, make you breakfast, lunch, supper, take care of you, vacuum, mop the floors, clean the toilets, clean the bath, the shower, take care of the children, dust, polish, clean up after you.