QUOTE
Nookie no-no
It's not true that men just want to get laid, with little regard to how, where or when. They, too, have their sexual wish-list that's often overlooked.
Believe it or not, men have sensibilities just as finely-tuned as ours when it comes to sex. They may not always express them, but there's a definite list of no-no's that can turn men off faster than a cold shower.
According to our sources, these are some of them:
# When a woman asks: "Who was the last woman you had sex with?" or interrogates a man about his previous lovers.
# A woman who talks about her own last lover/s, or who compares what her partner's doing to her with how other men have pleasured her. No man's under the delusion that his partner's a vestal virgin, but it's important to feel as if he's special and unique.
# A woman who wears sexy underwear only on the nights she knows she's going to have sex. Why not every night?
# A woman who comes to bed with her face covered in thick cream.
# A woman who smells of garlic, cigarettes or booze.
# Conversely, a woman who reeks of perfume to the point where her partner's dizzy from it. Natural is nicest – and fragrance should be subtle, never overpowering.
# A woman who worries aloud about the smell, size or taste of her nether regions.
# A woman with long toenails, or – God forbid! – a belly-ring that hooks onto crucial bits and pieces of a man's anatomy during intimacy.
# So much for the primary faux pas; now for second-gear offences. The guys interviewed for this article listed the following behaviours as sure-fire passion-killers:
Too proud to beg
"I feel like some dirty lecher if I always have to initiate the sexual encounter. If a woman wants to have sex with me, she should let me know. She doesn't have to say it in so many words, but taking off her clothes – or, better still, taking off mine – is a good indication that she didn't have a movie in mind at this point." – Dumisane*, 24
Whine gums
"It's awful when a woman whinges about whether or not you'll respect her/leave her/betray her if she gets into bed with you. And this also applies to her post-coital behaviour: I hate being made to feel as if I've just signed my soul away because I had sex with her. "We live in a permissive age, and having a fling in bed doesn't equate to a marriage vow. I'm not a rapist – if a woman decides to get into bed with me, let her be adult enough to handle the implications without whining like a child." – Peter*, 27
Soap and water
"I detest slimy, smelly armpits that haven't been shaved since she left high school. Women should be fragrant and clean – and that doesn't mean using expensive cosmetics: it just means practising good personal hygiene. "I once dated a pretty girl with a lovely personality, but she left pubic hairs on the lavatory seat – and that was the end of any fantasies I'd entertained of being between her thighs!" – Sipho*, 32
"Miss Represent"
"Luring me into bed with a padded or wonder bra is a bad idea, because once you take it off, I can't imagine where they wandered to!" – Isaac*, 21
The prologue
"Guys find foreplay just as necessary for good sex as women do. We aren't always up and ready – sometimes we need to be coaxed. When a woman simply jumps into bed, opens her legs and waits for intercourse, it really ruins the moment. A little imagination is called for." – Pele*, 39
Directing traffic
"What grates (or, rather, limps) me is when I'm in bed for the first time with a woman, and she's explaining a long list of 'do's' and 'don'ts'. I'd far prefer to discover her – and let her discover me – slowly and sensually, without a verbal instruction manual. She should simply put my hands where she wants them." – Oliver*, 23
"Turn off the lights"
"If the lights happen to be on when we start getting down and getting hot, interrupting the flow to go and switch them off is instant death for me. Sex with the lights on can be incredibly exciting. I mean, it's not as if we're committing a robbery, or doing something stealthy that requires the cover of night!" – Jabu*, 28
Laugh it off
"I like a woman who has a sense of humour, and who doesn't treat every act of intercourse as if it were a matter of cosmic significance. It's great when the atmosphere's relaxed, and we can both just enter the moment without worrying about who signed on what dotted line, and how many degrees north or south our relationship has moved because of this encounter. I can't perform with a woman who makes me feel as if she's taking herself, or what we're doing, so seriously." – Godfrey*, 32
Self-conscious show-stoppers
"I hate it when I'm in the throes of passion with a woman, and she suddenly starts trying to cover up her butt, thighs or waist. For God's sake, sister – by the time a man's in bed with you, he's totally uninterested in your cellulite, your weight or the roll of fat around your tummy! He's already noticed them, and still been turned on enough by you to break a few commandments. So throw inhibition to the wind – believe me, the more you enjoy yourself, the sexier you are." – Thabo*, 33
Hello, moto...
"If a woman insists on replying to incoming SMSs or answering her cellphone just as we're getting down, I'm out of there!" – Vuyo*, 36
"Is this really love? (And, if not, what is it?)"
"I can't bear it when a woman starts a long, intense conversation with me during sex. This isn't the moment to launch into heavy emotional cross-examinations, or grill me about the meaning of love. If she's so insecure that she needs all that reassurance even during what's supposed to be an ecstatic, carefree experience, then she's bad news." – Paulus*, 41
No mess, no fuss – no fun!
"I'm turned off when a woman's worried about messing up her hairstyle, or smudging her lipstick or eye make-up. If she's more concerned with her appearance than with giving and getting pleasure, she's not for me." – Robert*, 22
Diversion tactics
"Nothing fazes me more than a woman who distracts the action by discussing the book she's reading, the last movie she saw, the war in Iraq or whether or not to change her job. It's really unnerving to try to get aroused when your partner's mind is on everything and anything except you." – Franz*, 21
Silent movie
"I don't like women who keep deadly quiet during sex. It's really strange and unnatural. I need a partner who responds to me with words, gasps, giggles and screams, where appropriate! The silent treatment is a huge turn-off, and is horribly clinical." – Rocky*, 23
Still life
# "Some women (especially the very pretty ones) just lie in bed doing nothing, except murmuring the odd 'ooh, yes, baby!'. It's very disappointing when a woman isn't a mover and shaker. You might as well masturbate." – Ayanda*, 29
# "I hate it when a woman defies Newton's Third Law of Motion ('for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction') and lies there as unmoving as a corpse. I'd rather buy a blow-up doll!" – Chadwell*, 34
Most of the men interviewed agreed that a bit of adventurousness is essential for good sex. While anal sex and wild acrobatics may not be everyone's favourite activity, a willingness to occasionally try different positions and locations is essential for keeping the flame and fun alive. As for oral sex, the brothers agree that women should be prepared to give as good as they get – although they added the need to learn some basic expertise in handling a man's penis, which is every bit as sensitive as anything in our own anatomy.
# "Oral sex is pretty basic. If I'm prepared to go down on her (which I always am), I at least expect the favour returned." – Desmond, 24
# "Suck, don't chew! And learn where you should and shouldn't press your fingers. Testicles aren't worry-beads, nor are they bean-bags that can be squeezed at will." – Simon*, 37
# "I hate it when a woman treats a blow-job as a dirty chore, with an expression of disgust on her face, loudly choking and spitting, and then leaps up and runs to wash out her mouth straight afterwards, as if she's been sucking rat poison." – Hector, 35
# "Use your teeth sparingly. It's not a bar of chocolate...need I say more!?" – Stanley*, 23
Bad semenship
"Semen is part of sex, so enjoy your partner's pleasure. It's awful when a woman rushes to the shower or starts dousing herself frantically with antiseptic straight after I've ejaculated!" – Tebogo*, 32
Faking it
"Most guys can spot a fake orgasm a mile away. When a woman moans and groans like a porn queen, and writhes around as if she's being stung by a swarm of bees, I know it isn't real. Don't underestimate a man's intelligence." – William*, 25
I can't bear to look
"I once had sex with a woman who kept her eyes shut throughout the action, as if she couldn't face the sight of what was happening. It was a huge turn-off. I'm not a seeing-eye dog!" – Lex*, 28
No onlookers, please!
"The worst turn-off I've ever experienced was with a woman whose three-year-old son wandered into the bedroom just as I was about to climax and stood there staring at us. It brought me up short, in more ways than one." – Faizel*, 35
Coming and going...
# "If she asks: 'Have you come yet?' How can a woman sound so bored in bed?" – Alvin*, 22
# "I can't stand it when a woman takes it upon herself to use all the silly things she's been reading in magazines, without warning you. I don't want to have a vibrator stuffed in my backside. It's a one-way street!" – Lucas*, 39
So there you have it, sisters: a list of no-no's, straight from the horses' mouths. Watch out for an upcoming article about women's greatest turn-offs in bed, when we tell the guys all the things they need to know about being a good lover! You might want to leave it lying around somewhere strategic so that your man can pick it up and learn a few pointers...
*Not their real names.
It's not true that men just want to get laid, with little regard to how, where or when. They, too, have their sexual wish-list that's often overlooked.
Believe it or not, men have sensibilities just as finely-tuned as ours when it comes to sex. They may not always express them, but there's a definite list of no-no's that can turn men off faster than a cold shower.
According to our sources, these are some of them:
# When a woman asks: "Who was the last woman you had sex with?" or interrogates a man about his previous lovers.
# A woman who talks about her own last lover/s, or who compares what her partner's doing to her with how other men have pleasured her. No man's under the delusion that his partner's a vestal virgin, but it's important to feel as if he's special and unique.
# A woman who wears sexy underwear only on the nights she knows she's going to have sex. Why not every night?
# A woman who comes to bed with her face covered in thick cream.
# A woman who smells of garlic, cigarettes or booze.
# Conversely, a woman who reeks of perfume to the point where her partner's dizzy from it. Natural is nicest – and fragrance should be subtle, never overpowering.
# A woman who worries aloud about the smell, size or taste of her nether regions.
# A woman with long toenails, or – God forbid! – a belly-ring that hooks onto crucial bits and pieces of a man's anatomy during intimacy.
# So much for the primary faux pas; now for second-gear offences. The guys interviewed for this article listed the following behaviours as sure-fire passion-killers:
Too proud to beg
"I feel like some dirty lecher if I always have to initiate the sexual encounter. If a woman wants to have sex with me, she should let me know. She doesn't have to say it in so many words, but taking off her clothes – or, better still, taking off mine – is a good indication that she didn't have a movie in mind at this point." – Dumisane*, 24
Whine gums
"It's awful when a woman whinges about whether or not you'll respect her/leave her/betray her if she gets into bed with you. And this also applies to her post-coital behaviour: I hate being made to feel as if I've just signed my soul away because I had sex with her. "We live in a permissive age, and having a fling in bed doesn't equate to a marriage vow. I'm not a rapist – if a woman decides to get into bed with me, let her be adult enough to handle the implications without whining like a child." – Peter*, 27
Soap and water
"I detest slimy, smelly armpits that haven't been shaved since she left high school. Women should be fragrant and clean – and that doesn't mean using expensive cosmetics: it just means practising good personal hygiene. "I once dated a pretty girl with a lovely personality, but she left pubic hairs on the lavatory seat – and that was the end of any fantasies I'd entertained of being between her thighs!" – Sipho*, 32
"Miss Represent"
"Luring me into bed with a padded or wonder bra is a bad idea, because once you take it off, I can't imagine where they wandered to!" – Isaac*, 21
The prologue
"Guys find foreplay just as necessary for good sex as women do. We aren't always up and ready – sometimes we need to be coaxed. When a woman simply jumps into bed, opens her legs and waits for intercourse, it really ruins the moment. A little imagination is called for." – Pele*, 39
Directing traffic
"What grates (or, rather, limps) me is when I'm in bed for the first time with a woman, and she's explaining a long list of 'do's' and 'don'ts'. I'd far prefer to discover her – and let her discover me – slowly and sensually, without a verbal instruction manual. She should simply put my hands where she wants them." – Oliver*, 23
"Turn off the lights"
"If the lights happen to be on when we start getting down and getting hot, interrupting the flow to go and switch them off is instant death for me. Sex with the lights on can be incredibly exciting. I mean, it's not as if we're committing a robbery, or doing something stealthy that requires the cover of night!" – Jabu*, 28
Laugh it off
"I like a woman who has a sense of humour, and who doesn't treat every act of intercourse as if it were a matter of cosmic significance. It's great when the atmosphere's relaxed, and we can both just enter the moment without worrying about who signed on what dotted line, and how many degrees north or south our relationship has moved because of this encounter. I can't perform with a woman who makes me feel as if she's taking herself, or what we're doing, so seriously." – Godfrey*, 32
Self-conscious show-stoppers
"I hate it when I'm in the throes of passion with a woman, and she suddenly starts trying to cover up her butt, thighs or waist. For God's sake, sister – by the time a man's in bed with you, he's totally uninterested in your cellulite, your weight or the roll of fat around your tummy! He's already noticed them, and still been turned on enough by you to break a few commandments. So throw inhibition to the wind – believe me, the more you enjoy yourself, the sexier you are." – Thabo*, 33
Hello, moto...
"If a woman insists on replying to incoming SMSs or answering her cellphone just as we're getting down, I'm out of there!" – Vuyo*, 36
"Is this really love? (And, if not, what is it?)"
"I can't bear it when a woman starts a long, intense conversation with me during sex. This isn't the moment to launch into heavy emotional cross-examinations, or grill me about the meaning of love. If she's so insecure that she needs all that reassurance even during what's supposed to be an ecstatic, carefree experience, then she's bad news." – Paulus*, 41
No mess, no fuss – no fun!
"I'm turned off when a woman's worried about messing up her hairstyle, or smudging her lipstick or eye make-up. If she's more concerned with her appearance than with giving and getting pleasure, she's not for me." – Robert*, 22
Diversion tactics
"Nothing fazes me more than a woman who distracts the action by discussing the book she's reading, the last movie she saw, the war in Iraq or whether or not to change her job. It's really unnerving to try to get aroused when your partner's mind is on everything and anything except you." – Franz*, 21
Silent movie
"I don't like women who keep deadly quiet during sex. It's really strange and unnatural. I need a partner who responds to me with words, gasps, giggles and screams, where appropriate! The silent treatment is a huge turn-off, and is horribly clinical." – Rocky*, 23
Still life
# "Some women (especially the very pretty ones) just lie in bed doing nothing, except murmuring the odd 'ooh, yes, baby!'. It's very disappointing when a woman isn't a mover and shaker. You might as well masturbate." – Ayanda*, 29
# "I hate it when a woman defies Newton's Third Law of Motion ('for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction') and lies there as unmoving as a corpse. I'd rather buy a blow-up doll!" – Chadwell*, 34
Most of the men interviewed agreed that a bit of adventurousness is essential for good sex. While anal sex and wild acrobatics may not be everyone's favourite activity, a willingness to occasionally try different positions and locations is essential for keeping the flame and fun alive. As for oral sex, the brothers agree that women should be prepared to give as good as they get – although they added the need to learn some basic expertise in handling a man's penis, which is every bit as sensitive as anything in our own anatomy.
# "Oral sex is pretty basic. If I'm prepared to go down on her (which I always am), I at least expect the favour returned." – Desmond, 24
# "Suck, don't chew! And learn where you should and shouldn't press your fingers. Testicles aren't worry-beads, nor are they bean-bags that can be squeezed at will." – Simon*, 37
# "I hate it when a woman treats a blow-job as a dirty chore, with an expression of disgust on her face, loudly choking and spitting, and then leaps up and runs to wash out her mouth straight afterwards, as if she's been sucking rat poison." – Hector, 35
# "Use your teeth sparingly. It's not a bar of chocolate...need I say more!?" – Stanley*, 23
Bad semenship
"Semen is part of sex, so enjoy your partner's pleasure. It's awful when a woman rushes to the shower or starts dousing herself frantically with antiseptic straight after I've ejaculated!" – Tebogo*, 32
Faking it
"Most guys can spot a fake orgasm a mile away. When a woman moans and groans like a porn queen, and writhes around as if she's being stung by a swarm of bees, I know it isn't real. Don't underestimate a man's intelligence." – William*, 25
I can't bear to look
"I once had sex with a woman who kept her eyes shut throughout the action, as if she couldn't face the sight of what was happening. It was a huge turn-off. I'm not a seeing-eye dog!" – Lex*, 28
No onlookers, please!
"The worst turn-off I've ever experienced was with a woman whose three-year-old son wandered into the bedroom just as I was about to climax and stood there staring at us. It brought me up short, in more ways than one." – Faizel*, 35
Coming and going...
# "If she asks: 'Have you come yet?' How can a woman sound so bored in bed?" – Alvin*, 22
# "I can't stand it when a woman takes it upon herself to use all the silly things she's been reading in magazines, without warning you. I don't want to have a vibrator stuffed in my backside. It's a one-way street!" – Lucas*, 39
So there you have it, sisters: a list of no-no's, straight from the horses' mouths. Watch out for an upcoming article about women's greatest turn-offs in bed, when we tell the guys all the things they need to know about being a good lover! You might want to leave it lying around somewhere strategic so that your man can pick it up and learn a few pointers...
*Not their real names.
Source
It's true, I didn't even realise it: We tend to look past men, and place a lot of emphasis on women. I have no idea why this would be though. Perhaps because women are considered more hard to please? I find the following weird to read:
QUOTE
But it's important to feel as if he's special and unique.
Along with the whole "stiff upper lip" thing, we've been made to believe that men don't need to be loved, or made to feel special and unique.
