With proper application and ingenuity, these menthods may impair and destroy most relationships with your lover, they are truely multipurpose tools:

1. Lie. This is basic and effective. To maximize bad results, lie about something important to the other person(s) and arrange to be caught in the lie in such a way as to produce maximum shock. Additional stress points awarded for keeping the lie going for a while before discovery, which increases disorientation and sense of betrayal in the deceived person(s).
Lying about sex gets double points. Creative lies of omission (i.e. "not telling") with fancy rationalizations and condescension get gold stars.

2. Avoid Self-knowledge. This is more elegant than strategy 1, as it combines a bold sweep of denial with sorties of distraction aimed at oneself. This tactic is most effective when combined with tactics 3 and 4. Self-destructive and addictive behaviour has also been found very effective in avoiding self-knowledge. When combined with an endearing attitude of helplessness, this strategy has been proven efficacious in attracting "rescuers" or "white knights" on whom one can then practice strategies 4 &3, in that order.

3. Blame the other person(s). If anything went wrong, hey, it must be their fault, right? This eliminates the need for messy things like communication and negotiation, which can be embarassing, particularly if one is using strategy 2.

4. Disclaim Responsibilty. This is a little more complex than strategy 3, and often includes what is referred to as "codependency." The classic way to play this stategy ius to cater to the partner(s) involved while repressing one's own desires and questions. This allows a good head or resentment to build up, and one can justify anger by saying one has done so much for one's partner(s) and gets no thanks, etc. In its most refined state, this strategy makes the other person(s) responsible for setting the direction, pace and content of the relationship, for which on can blame them if one's own expectations or needs are not being met. Using strategy 2 to avoid knowledge of these expectations and needs gets double points.

5. Don't Talk. Talking has been known to lead to communication if practiced carelessly. Communication will seriously impair your fuck-up progress, and in certain cases will halt or reverse it entirely. If you must talk, fall back on strategy 1.

6. For the ultimate metafuck-up, remain techincally faithful to your partner while breaking the spirit of whatever agreement you have whenever possible, keeping the knowledge bottled up to ensure maximum fear, shame, and resentment.

hehehe gvdwest you attempting any of these?

I'm quite good at the don't talk bit, have not really had the chance of trying the other tactics

Sleep with her mom.

that doesn't always work

Wtf kind of chicks do you date?

*waits for response from Evernight*

they both prob cling on for dear life! maybe evernight is good in the sack?

tsk tsk tsk boys

Oh....my.....word

The scary thing is: I wonder how many people reading this can find a description of their relationship in one or more of those points...

just one question - gvdwest where on earth do you get all this from anyways?

must be from experience

got it on another forum i frequent, their tag line is "Where Pornographers Debate Nihilists About Pop Culture", so there are quite a few of these type of posts

big up Fishfly.. I think its just the universe does whatever it needs to ensure the quota of mother/daughter sex is met...

YOU MUST BE JOKING!!!

Anyone ever seen the movie"How to loose a guy in ten days?"

It is possible to put someone off quite easily, so this is not an uncommon topic - the question is, "If you are not willing to sleep with her mom, what is the next ultimate relationship breaker?"

* How about dating her sister?

Need someting stronger?

* Send her a rotten-fruit basket, or a bunch of dead flowers. she will get the picture very quickly.

Though I think that it is better to break it off in a gentler way - but somethimes relationships need to end ...

Sleep with their best friend...?

Become bankrupt

I recently discovered that the 'don't talk' one doesn't always work. This chick just wouldn't go away!

well here's a new one seeing as we in SA, how about beating them to a pulp?
that sometimes works if the chick is sensible...

Doesn't always work, as the lady is scared what the dumbass dude will do if they leave him. I will never hit a woman. I may hit on them, but never hit them.

lol this is some funny shit rotfl

so true... but wtf? how can you live your life in fear of what the dude might do if you don't do this or if you do that or if you leave him... If I ever find out anyone beating any friend of mine I'll go teach that person a good lesson...

Send her this way

gvdwest, dude, that is brilliant. Even I can appreciate it such thought.

How do you get rid of a stalker though

Sometimes kicking her in the ovaries deters them for a while...

More importantly, how can i get someone specific to start stalking me?

ask mister cyfermaster for some pointers val he's had a few

I dont think you count as a stalker trout, you guys are friends anyway....

Although I did wonder who that wierd guy in the balaklava was who followed cyf and me to lunch that day..

eish. I have had a few. fishfly excluded.

they not fun.