My gf and i have been dating for 8 months and she thinks we have reached the comfortable stage i.e no holding hands, no display of public affection, no kissing or very little and less and less physical contact in general... my question is... is this normal?

To be honest, I've never even heard of this "comfortable" stage.

I've always thought that the longer you're together, the more you would feel able and free to do those sorts of things?

Surely comfortable is when you can do all that?

I don't know, from my perspective, that is a little strange. However, on the other hand, that could honestly be the way she feels and thinks, and it could mean nothing at all.

i hate the comfortable stage ... it usually happens after 6 - 9 months and it sucks ... the trick is to stay in love ... to keep those butterflies and to stay on your best behaviour ... it takes a lot of work

Ah right is that the stage where you can let one rip in front of her? Or was that the stage where she helps you gut the fresh bodies from the lake?

Thats a load. Theres no "comfartable stage". Are u sure she's not getting over u?

LOL @ BlackRazor!

Aredius - the "comfortable stage" is something that will happen now and then in a relationship, and usually both parties are to blame for it. When last did you do something romantic for her, like surprise her with a candlelit dinner at home that you cook yourself, or something like that? These things are usually the result of a build up of general apathy towards your relationship.

The best thing you can do is speak to her about it. She might be going through some things that are causing her to withdraw, or she might feel that you are doing things to make her feel distant. Communication really is the key.

It seems like you are mixing the "comfortable stages" with her reactions/feelings towards you...
My gf and are have been seeing each other for 3 years now and yeah we have reached a comfortable stage which means:

1. We do things for each other without thinking
2. We could say to each other "Hey I've gotta go drop a log in the toilet" and we won't think OMG that's disguesting.
3. We always cater for each other
4. We don't have to worry about if the other person likes me or what is he thinking about me
5. We can dress like a slob
6. ETC, you get the pic

but it doesn't mean we don't hold each other's hand, we don't show public affection....

I know what you mean fishfly... being comfortable with someone certainly doesnt mean you dont show public display of affection or hold hands or kiss.... if anything i think if you've reached those stages.. u would do it more often

my bf and i have been together for over 2 years now and we have seen each other look our worst and best... i keep him company when he showers or baths.. or better.. i do it for him... we act like big kids together...

i dont think there is a thing such as a comfortable stage, for surely if there is such a thing... stage implies its temporary.. so what then comes afterwards? the uncomfortable stage? lol

i think we should call the comfortable stage the lazy stage ... cos thats what it is in my opinion .. and nothing good comes off lazyness

...except getting voted into PArliament, guiness records book, peace on earth...being lazy helps.

I wouldn't be as worried about not touching/holding hands as much as not talking. Relationships go sour when the sex becomes platonic and your moments are full of uncomfortable silences.

I haven't heard about the 'comfortable stage' either but in my opinion it shouldn't affect to hold hands in public and to show affection. It should just make it more comfortable (duh) and like said before it is probably that stage where you went through up and downs but still love each other.

I think by "comofortable stage" Areduis is referring to a situation where the partners have been in the relationship long enough to not worry about always doing and saying the right thing, and generally being relaxed around each other. This however sometimes turns into a stage where you make less of an effort to show how you care about the other person, which causes you to be less "touchy feely" around each other, even though you feel very comfortable doing so.

I think a better term for that would be "complacent stage", since the two partners feel so secure in their relationship that they stop feeling the need to actively express their affection for each other. Such proactive effort is what is referred to as "working at a relationship".

Very importand!

No stage is comfortable enough to let one rip on her pillow without her getting a little bit upset.

:-p

glad you wanna let one rip on your gf/wifes pillow

pre-emptive strike?

With me and my ex it took about 7 months or so. It is not a good thing. You absolutely have to keep your relationship on its toes. Now its 4 months later and she is seeing someone else.

Luckily in any future relationship I can apply this knowledge.

Adieu

As they say, hindsight is an exact science. The last "attempt" at a relationship i did not do it, and even though we knew each other for quite a while, the actual relationship lasted a couple of weeks.

From now on i will also tread lightly....

do unto her before she does unto your friends

wow.. how different things are from the last time i posted here...anyway..

you have to keep the relationship going by doing little things, saying little things to your partner.... by showing your appreciation so now and then.. get excited when they get excited... surprise them for lunch at work... put little naughty post-it messages in his briefcase or leave it around his apartment when his not looking and then wait with anticipation for him to find it and to call you and ask you about... when his had a stressful day you run his bath, give him a nice massage and the two of you can relax lekka...

it truly is the small things that count and that matters most....

Amen to that!

Unfortunately it is these small things that people are too quick to discard for "greener" grass.

And yet, it is the same things that they miss and make them want you back.

yes relationships are weird like that, the things you fall in love with become the things you hate but turn into the things you miss
but i think the time it takes to hit the comfort stage varies in every relationship, but when your partner stops showing affection or things change for the worse, its a sign of trouble not comfort

Comfortable stage se gat!

If a woman tried to pull that shit on me she'd see the rear end of my car driving away mighty fast.

I'm all for being supportive - but a sudden change is affection - please!

I'm not falling for a line like - "We've reached the comfortable stage"

That's woman talk for - time to move on.

Once bitten, twice shy as they say...

like fruitloop said, it should be called the lazy stage, cos really thats what it is... when your'e too 'comfortable/lazy' you stop making the effort to keep things new and interesting and a relationship needs to stay that way. keep you on your toes . but i think if you do hit comfort then possibly one or both of you are probably just waiting for something better to come along.

To me the comfortable stage is when you can really relax when
ur around eachother. Be youself.
You can talk about anything and everything and understand where the other
person's cumin from.
I also think it's a time of security when you realise that the both of
you have invested feelings, time and effort into making the relationship
work.
You trust the other person completely and know that they have your best
interests at heart.



Agreed Shi-shi! It's the little things that you do for each other, some times without even
thinking that keep things interesting and show you care...

i'd say 8 months is exactly right

It might not really be that you're in the "comfortable stage" but that the initial excitement of a new relationship has simply worn off. I agree with just about everyone that the comfortable stage is where you can do all of that and not worry about what other people are thinking. Although, it does wear off after a while. When my husband and I first started dating we would hold hands and show affection in public often. After time it wears off. Not because we don't want to show our affection, but because we don't feel the need to reassure each other about how we feel. Plus, depending on who you're around, you might make other people uncomfortable if you show too much affection around them in public. It could simply be that she doesn't feel the need to show you as much affection because she thinks you know how she feels.
The best advice is to talk to her and see what she says.

Pisces if your hubbie isn't holding your hand whos hand is he holding??? I don't think that affections would change and holding hand's isn't about public acknowledgement... it's just nice to have your gf/bf/wife/hubbie hold your hand no?

The way I see it, it's all bullshit.

When your relationship reaches the "comfortable" you should stop trying to be the "perfect" man, and start being yourself more, after all, that's who she is dating right, the REAL you?

The longer a relationship goes on, the more the feeling should intensify of spending time/affection on him/her, not the opposite.

Right now I'm dating the most awesome woman I've ever met, and I'm very happy. Sure our relationship isn't that old, but we've agreed on the "comfortable" stage early on to make things easier (I hate pretending).

In your case, I'd seriously take time and re-evaluate the relationship, if it's coming for her it might be the calm before the storm, and there might be a few BIG problems underneath the surface.

I didn't say that we're not holding hands in public anymore, but we don't feel the need to do it all the time. I never question where my husband's heart lies. I know that it's with me. I guess it comes from being a little older and not needing things like that. Plus, neither one of us are the PDA type.