As some of you may or may not know, I recently split up with my fiance. We would've been together for 8 years this December. We were engaged for almost a year. Then I found out that she had cheated on me... on more than one occasion and it all went to hell.

I never honestly thought that I would get here. But here I am. I am finally over her. I have my up days and my down days but for the most part I don't have this heavy pain in my heart any more.

I recently met some one at work who, for just a moment, made my heart flutter. She is special to me even though she may never know it. It was just in the way she smiled at me one morning. I haven't felt like that in... oh 8 years?! We looked each other straight in the eyes from across the room and for those few seconds held each others gaze and just smiled at each other.

A close friend of mine has even noticed that I seem more like the person she used to know.

God, to think I was actually considering suicide at one point. I still have so much to live for - I just couldn't see it till recently.


I don't know if you'll ever read this Nazreen - frankly, I dont actually care.
As far as I am concerned - you can go straight to hell. You're selfish, self centred and narrow minded.

I told you once that the line between love and hate is paper thin and it's no big mystery which side you are on...


God people! Do any of you realise how wonderful it actually is to be alive? To walk barefoot on the grass and feel the sunshine on you face!

Oh Allah, verily you did not create these things in vain!

Could it be that I have just become content with the person that I am while I am single? Did I ge to know myself through all of this? Is that why I am happier now, single than I ever was with *her*?

I don't know, but I do know this, the next woman I am with is going to see only the best of me.

I will give her more than I ever could've given *her*

Congratulations man, its great to hear that you are still with us, and fighting for life!

Inshalah things will progress from here, and your life can start again,
Mah'salama.

Sorry if the spelling of the arabic words are terrible, they were not meant to be written in english.

Ma'salami, slap slap yea I know no Islam. But Well done. Anyone that cheats on someone else deserves to get their jaws broken, alas thats not how the world works.

You will become alot stronger now.

Congrats

Ye man! No women is worth going mental over.

Just the other day, the owner of a jewelry store near my office killed himself in the store by drinking acid because his girlfriend dumped him. Now, while I feel sorry for his situation, I can only think of him as being weak-willed and cowardly.

There is so much out there and so many people willing to help if you just ask.

Well done!

Wow, congratulations.

Well done for being able to make it through all this, when most people would have failed.

You clearly deserve someone so much better.

Yay for being happy again.

Thanks to all for your kind words and support.

I realise though that maybe I should also forgive *her* for what she did, we're all human after all?

Maybe I will in time? Who really knows?

For now though, I am focusing on me.

I know that feeling all too well. Apart from the engaged part.

There seems to be a few stages to getting over your ex:
* Denial
* Sadness (Feeling sorry for yourself)
* Severe anger (severe applies here)
* Telling everyone you don't care
*sometimes* The wheel turns

It is when you reach the stage where you can say that if you run into *her*, it will not effect you too much. You will be friendly but brief, cause you don't let it effect you anymore.

BUT when the wheel turns.....

Call me vindictive, i don't care. But it made me feel a whole lot better when she got snubbed herself.....

oi... now I can explain why you were MIA from the forums

But this is good news! a women is nothing to for

Forgive her?

seriously if it was one time you could maybe forgive and forget. You said it happened more than once?

"Too be cheated on once, is their fault"
"Too be cheated on more than once, is your own fault"

This is relevant in your case now in that this was the first time, if you forgive her and it happens again then it's your own fault.

Use it, don't use it.

my 2c

Words of wisdom dude, words of wisdom.
Couldnt have put it better myself. I also broke up with my long term x about 4months ago. I've now got a 19year old afrikaans girl whos crazy 4 me and is more loyal than a german sheperd! (figure of speech)

All I can say is live life, be happy, always go on bno's (boys nites out) and be yourself! One of my best friends Casey (hawt babe) told me that. Best advice eva..

Well, I think if I did see her again I would probably answer alot of her questions with yes/no answers and not get too personal.

I really couldn't care less if I do or do not see her again. At the end of the day I don't think that we will ever get back together. I am not willing to get hurt like this again.

A friend of mine asked me how the love life is going and I realised that I am not even remotely interested in a woman at this point of my life.

I think that I would bring alot of baggage into a relationship and it wouldn't last long. I wouldn't want to hurt a woman just because some one else hurt me. It's not fair.

I tell you what though, nothing has ever hurt me like this has in my whole entire life. I gave up all my friends, turned my back on my family, changed my religion, missed my opportunity to go to University and it was all in vain. And she still has the nerve to tell me that she is the one who had to make all the sacrifices?

I am not one to hit women - but I nearly punched her when she told me that. Believe you me. When I think about my brother who told me that I am dead to him and that I am not his brother, who didn't speak to me for years after I converted to Islam... sacrifices? sacrifices?

The past 8 years of my life were sacrificed in a vain effort to make her happy. What a waste, what a terrible waste.

Like I said I have my up days and I have my down days. I drowned all my regrets with alhohol trying to escape from them, but I have to face them in order to get stronger.

I some times wish that I could go back in time and talk to the boy I was. Tell him what would happen. If I knew then what I know now - I wouldn't have gotten involved with her in any shape or form.

Hmmm, maybe I've said too much?

She had no right to say she made the sacrifices.

I really feel for you. You had to go through so much. It would take a lot to go through that for someone, but perhaps the lesson to learn is that no one is worth that much of your time.

At least now that she is out of your life, you can start to get your life back on track. Regain your friendships, and live how you want to live.

The worst thing you could do right now is drown your problems in alcohol. Face up to what has happened, and know that you'll be a better person once you have moved on from this stage of your life.

As cliched as that may sound, it is the truth.

From experience i can say that this does not work too well. It seems like the depression just deepens, and we don't want to go there. So i agree with this one.

Don't take this the wrong way,but a person should never change who they are giving up friends,family,etc. and who they want to be for anyone.If someone loves you then they love you for who you are.Why change your whole life to please a person ?.

oi rurounikenshin just remember ppl make mistakes... you learn from them and dun forget your family will always be there for you... so dun run away from them

All true, thanks guys.

I have started trying to make amends with my family first.
I have lost out on so much with them these past few years.

I am going to get my life back on track. I get the feeling that I took this whole thing harder than she did. But I am gonna learn from my mistakes and do my best to become a better person because I made them, not inspite of them.

Funny, I've never met any of you in person, but it's easier for me to express how I feel with you rather than with certain people I know.

I picked up the Qur'aan the other day and began to read. Some thing compelled me to read and read. I need to make a decision about where my life is going.

But thats going to take some more introspection.

Some people define themselves by the way they are with a "partner"
I want to know who I am - Who is the real me?

Dude, just give it time. It will all come back. Its a very big psycological shock to have this happen to you. Spend some time with yourself, but not too much (avoid depression). Rather surround yourself with friends, it will get better with time.

i agree with the others.... kanallah dont turn to alcohol.. its going to mess you up and just make things worse....

i know things look like crap right now.... but by you feeling this way... you letting her win....i know its hard to recover from being cheating on... but.. you have to be strong... show her u doing ok, u doing fine... the best thing to do is just to take it one day at a time... take each one as it comes.....

stop, look and appreciate all the little things you never noticed before.... the clouds, birds, people walking around.... once you stop and just take in your surroundings you'll realise... things are not that bad..... it could be worse.... and that you will rise above it all....

just keep ur head up and keep the faith... inshallah, things will get better.

hey ruro ... sorry to hear about what your ex did to you dude ... i dont know if this will help, but this is the way i see things ... if it doesnt work with someone in a relationship, that must mean that person is not the one ... and so if that person is not the one, you must still find the one ... so in other words ... breaking up is actually a good thing because it gives you the opportunity to actually find the one ... so its no big loss ... its just how dating goes .... its a whole new beginning for you ... id be kinda excited if i was you ...

That is what I am starting to realise.

8 years with some one is hard to let go of. But I am looking forward to meeting some one new.

I had a one night stand with some one recently. I had just met her. We haven't spoken since. Don't imagine we will again.

It felt kinda weird - nothing like what I expected it to be.

Guess it was meant to happen otherwise it wouldn't have. Atleast it helped me realise that there are women out there who find me attractive.

I am really interested in finding out more about this chicky at work.
I can't stop thinking about her.

Her name is Zadia. She is so cute.

We'll have to see where this goes?

So guess who phones me today...?

Yup, you guessed it (for those who did) my ex. Out of the blue, for no real apparent reason...

I was like... ok?

So for the ladies on the BB - what does this mean?

She said that she was just checking to see if I was ok.

Why after like 4/5 months would she suddenly start caring how I was?
She didn't give a shit before...

brrrr...

She's probably starting to feel guilty over what she did.

Although people make mistakes, I don't think they always mean to cause pain or hurt. While doing something wrong "Good, now this will make him hate me" doesn't necessarily cross through their mind.

Maybe she's starting to see the light of exactly what she did, and what she's put you through, and she feels guilty and in a way wants to apologise or make it OK between the two of you.

That's only the way I see it though - any other girl could view it in a different light.

The only way you'll get a proper answer is to ask her this herself.

I liked things better when we weren't speaking.

It's almost like she phones just when I am over her and picks the scab open again. I refuse to believe that she knows me well enough to know when I am over her.

I am not going to phone her though. Don't want to encourage her. She changed her number and sms'd the new one to me this morning.

I thought that we had agreed not to speak and I was happy with that. I think if she phones again I'll tell her in a nice way that I'd prefer her not to.

The weirdest thing is, she asked if I was seeing some one and when I said no she got all pissed off?! I remember thinking to myself "What business is it of yours anyway?"

Then we were speaking about work stuff and I told her that I was getting broody everytime I go into the peadiatrics ward and that I was thinking of adopting a child - she got seriously miffed and said that I should find a wife and make my own baby?! WTF!?!

Here is when it gets really amusing - when I told her that I wasn't interested in some woman holding me back and I that would rather raise the child as a single father - conversation over!

"Ok, I have to go now"
*click*

What's up with that?

I told her back in 1998 that I give up trying to understand women... I stick by that statement.

It's like this one chicky at work. We were talking about relationships and break ups and she also got pissed off with me when I said that I prefer being single because there is nothing holding me back in life.

It's not that I am not open to a relationship, I just don't feel that I need to have a gf to be happy right now. I like being able to get into my car and just go where ever it takes me.

I drove to Kimberly the one friday after work because I felt like going to see the big hole. Spent saturay in Kimberly and then drove home in the afternoon.

I think the thing that is irritating me the most is I don't like mind games. If she has some thing to say then she must come out and say it. She knows that I don't have time for BS.

well it seems that maybe this girl at work likes you and when she heard "NO I dun want no gf to hold me back" she lost all care to response to what you say...

To be perfectly honest, any girl would get offended to be told that basically, "the female species holds men back".

There is nothing more hurtful, because, there are huge terrible bitches in the world, but there are also girls who aren't like that, who wouldn't hold a man back - but would rather help him move forward.

It does offend me when guys say that about the female population. Argh, it actually grates me to no end.

Just remember that not all women are the same. I hate women that bring down our reputations like that.

To guess:

* She is feeling alone, and now misses what she had with you more than she misses you
* She needs to justify her desicion(s) by hearing that you are still unhappy
* She is psycho and just wants to hear you have not moved on
* She maybe truly regretting what happend

By the sound of it, i will not vote for the last one. I personally vote for 1 and 2.

I'd vote for number 3

the psycho who just wanted to hear how miserable your life is and how you must suffer like a biach so she can justify what she did to you... erm ok nevermind I'm dreaming again

IMHO there's a possiblity that she feels bad about what she did and would like to justify it by hearing you say you are over it and started dating someone already...

this proves to me that she does or did not care about what your felt and does not take your feelings into consideration...

so !slap the biach already and move on

I've already said that I don't want to be in a relationship because of all the baggage I would bring into it. It wouldn't be fair on the woman involved.

After reading your guys views on the whole phone call situation, my mind is starting to work overtime. Why the hell did she phone me?

I am going to ignore it though. Eventually, she will get the hint?

Funny, everything was fine and then this happens and knocks it all down again.

Maybe it's time I change my cell number...

bugger!

i think the best way to handle it to just ignore her.... u must remember, which i'm sure u do, she cheated on you, she betrayed your trust.... by her phoning you .. yes it could be her way of seeking forgiveness.. and if that is the case, forgive her, then forget her... people like that do not deserve you effort, time, attention and consideration....

either she's phoning to be nice or she is phoning to make sure you're not over her and you still pining after her.... or, and this is possible if you have mutual friends at your work.. someone told her that they suspect you interested in this girl at work, so ex called to find out what the deal is... if i were you, i wouldnt waste anymore time on your ex... she cheated, its over! dont change your cell number, just dont answer when she phones... dont let her control what you do....


about the chicky at work getting mad...yes, us as women hate hearing the i'm better off without a woman speech.. it hurts.. however at the same time she must also understand that you just came out of a relationship that ended because a woman betrayed you and therefore you feel like you better off without a woman.. if its really meant for you and this chicky to connect, then just give it time.. what's the rush?

dont just settle for any woman that to you, is everything your ex wasnt... go for someone who is everything that you want and deserve....

hahahah :fear:


a friend of ours did a similar thing... He phone one of his ex's to say "Hi" see how she was doing and next but she did not answer her phone till later after he was out, got pissed and passed out... next thing he hears is the phone ringing and answers, at that point in time he thought it was his current gf so what does he say? "Hellloooo BABY"

needless to say she slammed the phone down in his ear... only later to phone him back later and crap him out telling him to never to phone her again. A month later she still phones him to kak him out and tell him not to phone her ever again...

So what happeend there?

My take on that situation is she's not over him, yes they both took it hard but she moved on and had other bf's while he struggled and felt the pain everytime she talked to him about the new bf's...

Are ppl so psychotic?

Fishfly: Yes

RurouniKenshin: go talk to this girl at work that you like. It cant harm to start up a semi-frendship now, maybe even help you to bridge that gap between 'its over' and 'its over, until she calls and my walls break down again'

I am actually seeing some one on Sunday. I met her at the Castrol Xtreme.

We'll see where that goes. I am more interested in this woman than any other I've seen lately.

I told my ex that it's too late to try and fix things and that things will never be the same. I won't be able to trust her for a long long time.

I realise now that my "women hold me back" attitude is maybe something I should re-evaluate. I wont be expressing that to any one else in future. I had no idea that it offended people. I think a little more tact is in order on my part.

This girl from the Castrol Xtreme is the sister of a work mates gf. I find her very much to my liking.

Hold thumbs for me guys - I would like to get to know her very much.

Good, I'm so glad for you.

Good luck, and enjoy it.

And, of course, don't forget to tell us how it goes.

YAY FOR YOU.

Nice!

Thanks guys.

Damn, thats one of the hardest emotions, getting over an ex. It took me two and a half years to get over my ex. And that was hell. But i learnt. Dont put your friends and family aside.

I learnt. When you meet somebody that you like, you must tell them that you like them and tell them how they make you feel. Life throws so many opportunities our way but, we dont take them. So what if we get hurt. Hey, thats part of life, there are always going to be people that will hurt us and there will always be people that will bring happiness into our lives. We live and learn. If we dont learn, we dont live.

Right you are computeralien.

It was her birthday on the 17th (last week wednesday) I never phoned.
I feel kinda guilty about it.

But every one I asked said I should just leave it.

Too late now I guess...

rurounikenshin it's time to throw out that date of b-days, annversiariy and things you did at that date... time to move on

Fully agree with Fishfly there. But, if somebody hurts you (i must just add here that nobody can hurt you unless you allow them to hurt you and unfortunately when you give your love to somebody, you put yourself in a position to be hurt) Okay but if somebody hurts you then dont have them in your life. Dont forget about them because thats hard to do but, bring those into your life that bring you happiness and love and everything else will be cool.

I believe the day that you are over your ex is the day that you can wish her prosperity - just with out yourself…
I’ve been there done that and got the scars to show… The only difference is that I was married and have the greatest little daughter. I still have my bad days especially when I miss my daughter. It’s in those bad days that I would even consider taking my ex back…
I don’t want a relationship right now. I have what I want – AN ANGEL!!!! Not to say I will never try again, but for now I’m happy with the bunch…