i have a bit of a problem...

my boyfriend and i we very happy and i love him very much..there's just one problem, and that is lack of quality time... i am a univesity student which means i have more time on my hands than he does....he is one of the financial directors of a company and as a result.. his always busy, always tired... when we met he was just an assistant accountant and over these past two years he progressed wonderfully and i am so proud of him...second thing is.. if his not busy or tired.. his sick.... he has a weak immune system....

the problem i'm having now is.... i truly do understand that his tired or when he is sick.. but..i'm starting to become frustrated because i dont see him as much as i would like to and sometimes... its just so lonely... i dont want to bother him sometimes with my issues or problems because i know his not able to...i dont want him to feel guilty when i do phone like when his at work and he doesnt have the time... because i know he feels crap when i call and he has to go or he cant talk...

i dont how to feel anymore or rather how i feel... when he calls and says he cant make it or he smses... that he cant because his sick or too tired... part of me wants to be so mad at him... other parts, understands... which leads to endless internal arguments and me being frustrated... which is not good because i dont want to feel that way

i feel a bit neglected.. even though i know its not intentional..i feel frustrated, lonely.... its like being between a rock and hard place (the latter is always good! he he).... me being understanding and accepting of it.. leads to my frustration and me not being understanding about the situation makes me selfish and uncaring... so just how am i supposed to deal with it? or rather how much longer can i....

its not that i'm having a problem being understanding.. the problem is that i'm disappointed and angry... but i have no person to direct that feelings towards because its not his fault that his sick or that his in meetings and at conferences... some might say.. why not leave then..thing is i dont want to leave, i want to find ways to deal with it, to work it out...not just leave... i dont just want to give up on something, a relationship, that is good

You'll have to speak to him, and tell him how you're feeling. Don't be scared to tell him, or hope that you won't make him feel guilty, because he has to know that his profession is putting strain on the relationship.

Explain how you feel, and ask him if there's no way he can make more time. Make time to be together.

You can't be in a relationship with someone if you can't talk to them about this sort of thing. Nor can you be in a relationship if you're too scared to bother him.

Let him know that you're hurting, and I'm sure he'll care once he knows how you feel.

Hmmm that's a tough one there Treshi,

Firstly if he cares about you as much as you think he does he should make more time... even if it's just to be lazy/sleep at your place or his... I can understand your frustration as my gf felt the same way when I work from 9 - 7:30 every work day. She felt lonely and bored as almost everyweekend I'm either tired, don't feel like doing anything or simply lazy.

What I would recommend that you do is to sit down on say sunday and speak to him, yes he may be doing well at work and keeping busy but if you are to be part of his life he has to relise this and make time for you... work should never be just his priority. If you do not spend time talking about this problem it'll simply escalate to the point where you tell him good bye!

There is no point in sitting and pondering about what he thinks as majority of the time what he thinks is not exactly waht you have going through your head.

I agree with what toasted has said. You need to communicate things. Communication is very important in any relationship. without communication a relationship will end up failing.

I would talk to him as soon as possible. If he says he is tired, tell him that it is important. I believe that this is something he would want to know. I for sure would want my to tell me if this was happening. After telling him I am sure that things will get better, and that you will spend time with him.

I often feel tired when I get home to the but when we do something together the tiredness goes away. Just going somewhere with her and spending time with her relaxes me. The biggest problem is actually just getting going. This could be the same for your BF, yet he doesn't realise it as you are understanding and when he says he is tired you let him rest. Try get him to just go out with you one night. Do a movie, or dinner or something. He may also start to feel less tired and relaxed and thus spend more time with you as you are GREAT for him.

The first step though is as toasted said. SPEAK to him and let him know your feelings.

Hope things get better, cause by sticking with it, you deserve things to get better.

Thank you guys for the response…

I think the frustrations and loneliness reached a high point this week because his been extremely ill for the past two weeks with bronchitis and his had to cancel a lot with me.. things we normally did together…and before he got sick he was away on business for a week…

Its not that that I cant talk to him about things… sometimes its hard to tell the person that loves u and that you love…. that his hurting you, that you feel neglected by him…

I have spoken to him about this before… and he has been trying. I spoke to him an hour ago... telling him how I felt and why… he listened… we made some agreements, compromises… we realise it wont change overnight, but we willing to work on it…. And naturally, I’m willing to give him a chance…

Let us know how it goes Treshi. I am glad that you have made some agreements, and compromises.


It is, and it is hard to hear that stuff, BUT it normally ends up for the better.