never thought i would EVER post in this section, but i guess that's life
this is actually embarassing to me though it shouldnt really be...

three months ago i met this girl at my school, i saw her playing guitar and i went up to meet her... i didnt have any intention of becoming 'more than a friend'
for the record she is nice but theres no 'spark'

now we've become good friends as in we would text each other often sometimes talk over the phone even though it would never be intimate things - it would just be as friends would talk. she would nag about who i liked and so we started discussing that too.

i dont know if it was something i said, but one morning (3 weeks ago) i woke up to read that she thought we shouldn't be friends, because i apparently said something that made her extremely upset... i didnt think so, so i followed up and argued that something is up.
it came back to me that it is because she liked me and i didnt see it coming, but she knew that i didnt have the same feelings for her, so i told her that she shouldnt destroy a great friendship over something like that... i don't know whether that was the greatest response though

so now things are going good as friends since yesterday, when i suddenly got a message telling me about how i am conceited, how i think i am god's gift to the world etc.
nasty things! she's kind of unpredictable so i ask her to explain why she's saying these things, though she's really stubborn now and keeps saying nasties

so i phone her best friend up and ask her what the deal is, and she reckons that she hates me because she likes me and she'll never get anywhere with me...
all of a sudden! although she tries to make me, i am not going to feel responsible for this because i really think i dont deserve it. it makes me think that she's immature for a girl my own age, i guess it's times like these when true character shows

im sure many of you can tell me how it just sucks to lose a friend, especially when you didnt see it coming at all... i have never been in this situation, so what would i do when i see her again, how do i not feed the fire and get her to come to terms ? will time solve that ? im kind of thinking this 'friendship' is doomed
WHY DO FEMALES LIKE COMPLICATING THINGS? DO THEY GET OFF ON IT ?
and for you old-timers reading this, stop sniggering okay :(

thanks for any comments or advice
[/vent]

Ah, the shoe is on the other foot for once. Usually it's the guy who's interested in being more than just friends with the girl and then being told that it's not going to happen.

Unfortunately, in a situation like this you can't really recover and go "back to the way things were" because there's this unspoken rule that once a person makes their true feelings known to another person then the whole relationship changes -- usually for the worse if those feelings aren't reciprocated.

At best, you can just be honest with her and tell her that you're not interested in getting to know her intimately and just wish to remain friends. Pretending to be interested in her would just be leading her on since you know that you don't and can't like her in that way. If she still can't accept this then I'm afraid the friendship will most likely be over.

With time though, she might move on and come back to you as a friend. Women are sometimes more reasonable than men with regards to a situation like this as time passes on, but don't count on it.

Like the great OJ said, things change once true feelings are put out in the open.
Two closefriends of mine had the same problem. She was totaly in to him, and he had no clue about anything until she finally burst, and told him. She was devastated, because when you feel that way, you go out of your way to look fr tiny signs to show that the person you like feels the same way, and often these signs are misinterpreted as YES.

Being the middle man, I now had two friends who would hardly speak to eachother
After a while, she came to her senses and went back into a sort of friendship with him, but things were never the same for them.

If you miraculously develop feelings for her, you would have a much easier life right now But such is life, you wil have to weather the storm, make sure her best friend knows exactly how you feel, and that you still wnat to be friends, so that the message can be relayed on in a girly way, a way hat will stick.

Good luck.

I say kick her to the curb and move on man.

having her around as a friend has exactly what kind of advantages? can the 2 of you go chasing chicks together? can you go for a piss together at the club and discuss the hot chick standing at the bar ?

other chicks see the 2 of you hanging out together and they will immediately disregard you because you are , indirectly, spoken for. Having a female "friend" means that the other chicks who may want a peice of you are without a doubt going to compete with another female for your attention and affection. and chicks just dont dig that shit.

men should have men friends and women should have women friends and thats the way it goes. when a man and a woman are friends its because one of them has other ideas of a relationship or just plain copulation.

Any friendship that happens between a man and a woman just lands up with one or both of them getting hurt.

and to put it into persective, I am borrowing this from bash.

Thats one of the best quotes i have seen in some time......

THAT IS SO TRUE


and blood's situation is really the exeption to the rule that it's the guys that usually see more in the relationship... as said before

that quote has changed my entire life

I see that as one warped idea of reality.

My best friend is a woman, and I dont have feelings for her at all. Hell, I have a girlfriend and the friend has a boyfriend. We hang out, talk about all sorts of things, and if I see a girl I like the look of, I say 'hang about' and go off and talk to the chick, no problem. For either of us. (well, that was before my girlfriend anyway, now we all just friends)

You cant say that the only things that you ever want to talk about are strictly guy things? You only want to discuss beer, women and sport? Nothing else? I can discuss that with her as well, but so many more things.

I have guy friends for those things, and I have her for whatever else. I dont see any difference between her and my guy friends, we are all just friends, end of story.

Well I asked my out, got the whole I just want to be friends thing. We stayed friends. Nothing changed. Then a few months later after thinking I was getting signs that she was now interested in more I asked her out again. Once again I got the lets just be friends thing. We stayed friends, yet again nothing changed. after a while we just started spending loads of time together and eventually I got signs (for real) that she wanted more, so I asked her out AGAIN. We are now dating and have been for ages now.



I disagree. I have loads of Lady friends. I am not interested in any of them... oh wait... they may be interested in me..... hmm.....

You dont need people in your life that make your life complicated, only you make your own life complicated by allowing these people into your life. Girls will be girls and they will always assume that us guys know whats going on with them. They do not understand the phrase "Assumption is the mother of all fuck ups". Its an easy decision to make. To be happy or not to be happy, thats the question? Sometimes we just have to be hard on ourselves and you know what makes you happy. Be true to yourself and just be yourself.

There's no rules that say your friends should only be male/female. I know alot of girls who prefer guy friends to girl friends. It's just we're easier to talk too. But I do agree that ur best mate should be of the same sex.

Im actually caught up in a similar predicament as blood105. I'm with this girl Geraldine who's this amazing springbok netball player. Problem is I'm head over heals for this other girl Sarah who lives in another town. I dunno wat to do because there's a chance that me and Sarah will hit it off (but it's a 1 in 3 shot I reckon). But what do I do? Im losing my mind over this!

Blood I reckon u have 2 options. First being: no more friends. Second being: Be with her for awahile and see what happens. That way if it doesnt workout u can go back to being friends. ITS THE ONLY WAY...

the reason why she is being nasty to u is she knows that by being nasty.. u being male.. will feel this uncontrollable urge to turn those nasty feelings into good...

therefore, forthwith and in conclusion... you will start being nice to her, like her and she will get what she wants... added bonus is when she tells her friends of how at first you hated each other and now its going strong and you so in love... in short... its called manipulation.. alot of females, not all though, are masters at it... if they cant get their way, they'll play the emotional card...

i'm sure it bothers you that your friend is being nasty to you... so she's hoping you'll be a dope and try to rekindle that friendship, even reciprocate her feelings because a) you dont want to lose her as a friend b) you feel bad that she's feeling like that and being nasty to you...

in fact, if she's psycho.. she might think that by you being bothered by the fact that the two of you are not friends shows that you really like her... a bit of a huge leap, however, some girls latch onto insignificant things and see a whole lot of nonsense in it that doesnt really exist...

my advice: if she doesnt want to be your friend then fine... let it be.. if she was a true friend she wouldnt be acting like this... best that you dont have any contact for a while and just wait for her to come to her senses.. if she still doesnt.. good riddance!

I swear Tershi must be a transvestite. She see's thins from our point of view like no women before her.

Sense just seems to radiate.

This is like smallville, clark wanted to bone lana, plain and simple! Cloey used the friendship fiasco to get Clark to feel guilty. Then she gets Clark to bone her. Basically what Treshi said, but in a far more loserish and crude way!

Anyway Blood, is she hot? Cos if she's hot and she plays the guitar then you might as well give it a chance dude! Theres no harm in trying, IMO the real friendship you possesed is over, it will take ages for both of you to get over the fact that she likes you! There always be questions in both parties mind wrt that matter. So i see it this way, give the relationship a shot, if it doesn't work then you're back where you started bar a few steamy sessions

Oh, there ain't nothing like the bash, bloodninja! Yeah!

wow so we sorted things out eventually!
she says i was on the wrong end of a really bad day, so i'll just accept that one...



yeah, i can feel it's that same situation right here.



i think you have the wrong idea - having girls for friends opens up your mind, you see things from their perspectives and you can learn alot more (intellectually) from a girl than from most guys. well thats the way i see it at least



i waited for her to choose what she wanted, because we know what happens when a guy decides right ? IT'S HIS FAULT when things go wrong

so she decides that she was out of line, she lent me her cds and gave me a slab of chocolate as an apology... i am pretty content that she took the blame, even though she called it a 'mood'.



nah, this was hardly manipulation
i did however keep my guard up for any signs, because i would just drop everything there and then if it did occur.



that was the best advice as she came back to apologise, i was very surprised that she was able to swallow her pride



weird, i asked myself the same question... i could just give it a shot, but then again there are so many other things in the way
1 - i like someone else
2 - because i'm in matric, i am restraining myself till afterwards
3 - i dont think she's up to the challenge
4 - i'm not a horny son of a bitch

thanks alot for the advice guys
more than likely things will spin out of control again, so you'll hear all about it as it happens

regards

With women, that is generally just around the corner at all times.

Good luck nevertheless.

When in doubt say it was a mood.

Glad you have sorted things out. Hows about you share that slab of chocolate with us?

gitano... 100% woman and 90% level headed....

i am a woman myself... and i know exactly what the rest of my fellow female species is up to and why... best thing i've learnt is to always look at things from both sides of the fence... u know, try to understand where he is coming from too and what his feeling...

and besides..i'm not always logical.. i do sometimes fall victim to the so called female stereotypical characteristics such as being over emotional, over analysing, moody... what type of woman would i be if i was not at least a tad bit annoying? lol