We all know that guys are very physically driven i.e when you see a girl you rate how hot she is not how cool her personality is. I had a long chat with girl and we got on to the topic of attraction, apparently a woman will not give you the light of day (no matter of good looking you are) until she has a chance to test u out emotionally. My question is, do think that is true? Or have u heard of instances when a girl behaves like most guys and only cares about the physical aspect?

hmm.... this is interesting... I THINK it is basically the same for guys and girls in certain aspects... i.e. If there is no physical attraction, then they won't think of speaking to the opposite sex. While for a lot og guys they don't care if the girl has a personality or not, just as long as she is this is where ladies differ I reckon on the most part. They will give you a chance if you have a personality, BUT there first has to be that physical attraction. This is of course just what I think...

Naturally you will get some ladies are just in it for the looks or the money, and vica versa.

Well, personally for me, a personality is first and foremost.

That's because, it would have to be a friendship first, and then possibly develop into something more.

Honestly, looks do matter to an extent- specifically when your relationship develops into something more, but the foundation of a relationship with me, would be based on our personalities, and how we 'click'.

But, I feel you can love someone, despite how they look. I do know girls, however, who base their opinions on looks first, so I really think it changes between everyone.

I agree with what you are saying toasted, and my and I were best friends before we started dating.

What I was trying to say though, is that would you let a strange ugly guy appraoch you and speak to you? I think a better looking guy has a better chance of doing this. Obviously you will get the scenario where you meet some person at a friends place and you do speak to them and click. I am talking generally at a club.

Yeah, I suppose you're right, but I was talking from personal experience.

The one proper boyfriend that I've had is DocterMoo, and we met on the net - so I've never been approached by an "ugly" guy, and I don't know how I would react.

But I agree, and I'm sure the majority would agree, that they wouldn't be as interested in an ordinary, or "ugly" guy, as much as they would a gorgeous model type. It's a sad fact of life.

Sadly that is the case.

Aah, the friend-zone.

what a hole to be in when things don't go the way you want them to.

i've been friends with this girl since high school, and she considers me a very close friend as do i her.

she's always had a boyfriend and when she didn't, i didn't want to go flying in (you know), and now she's had this boyfriend (whom i obviously don't think very highly of) for ages.

i'm screwed, i've fallen for this girl and i see her too often for my own good (because we're very good friends). i do get the feeling that if she wasn't attached i would be in without a doubt, but that looks less and less like happening.

i also get the feeling that i'm some form of security.

thus, i prefer girls who go for looks, i won't end up in the friend-zone and screwed.

^^ It was the Udder that cought your attention neh?

^^ Sorry that was directed at Toasted, you guys are to quick

Well, gotta say that it was a major plus.

It was the name... Darryl... What a quality name

Or mebbe it was the chatting to him til 6 in the morning, every day.

No lies.

Hmmm.... that could be it.

Been there Heir, and its NOT cool.

What I realised now that its all over is this: not only are you security for her, but she is security for you. You don't feel like you have to go out spading other girls, because "she's the one" and "one day she'll be yours", or "you've waiting so long that you should just keep at it and she'll drop that other guy like a hot rock and leap into your arms". You are able to convince yourself that you don't need to go through the experiences of dating and rejection, because one day this no-risk girl will finally come round.



I also believed this, and it came true ... briefly. But you have to be careful what you wish for. She broke up with the boyfriend, I convinced her to give us a try, and 24 hours after her and I were "seeing each other" she slept with her ex, which I can assure you, is more painful and soul-destroying that anything I'd wish on anyone.

I'm afraid to say, if she was going to fall for you, it would have happened by now. Don't ignore all the other great girls that are around chasing one that doesn't want what you want. She really can't help it if she doesn't like you, and there is nothing you can do or say to change how she feels. Believe me.

Back to the topic at hand though, I'd agree that if a women finds you physically unattractive, you have no hope, unless you are filthy (and I do mean filthy) rich. And if a woman is with you for your money alone, then she is shallow and not worth your time anyway.

As far as I know, women are similar to men in their judging of men by appearance first. After that first introduction, men and women veer off in different directions. She will size you up emotionally and check out your personality, while he will make sure you:

a) speak english
b) have no physical deformities
c) are not celibate for religion reasons

just kidding. But women place more emphasis on an emotional connection before become involved, while men might place more emphasis on a girl's personality, sense of humour, and similarity in interests and lifestyle.

I prefer a ladies personality first and foremost... a lady can be the most attractive one in this world but if her personality is as thick as I like my custard then they just don't make the cut

I do also have to stress the fact under the circumstances looks definately count... maybe call it being picky but heck I don't want to have ppl look at me funny

I believe this because Ive head it and read it many times.

I believe that physical attraction is simply the "spark" that may begin a fire that may develop into a relationship. It's not the only spark, of course, just the one most often used. You approach a woman in a club because she's very pretty first and foremost, for instance.

Depending on what either person wants out of the relationship though, that spark might very well just fade away if you discover you have nothing in common and that a meaningful relationship just couldn't exist.

Physical attraction is the easiest way of garnering an interest in yourself since it's of course visual and everyone has a pair of eyes. When you haven't been blessed with socially accepted good-looks though, you have to rely on other ways to get interest: charm comes to mind. Showing a woman that you're kind, caring, responsible and know exactly how to treat her will get you some phone numbers, no doubt. Communication in the end is what will seal or destroy the deal two people unknowingly agree to when entering into a relationship.

My advice to everyone however would be to treat each relationship as if it's your first one. Leave your baggage at home. He doesn't want to know about your past failed relationships or ex-boyfriends and she doesn't want to know about your similar experiences. It's a new relationship and should be treated as such, not compared with past experiences or assumptions. What I mean by that as well is what flew in a previous relationship may very well not fly in the new one. These are things you have to find out if you can from the outset and not a year down the line when you've moved half way across the country to move in with him/her or made any other drastic changes in your life to accommodate the other person.

One of the main reasons a lot of relationships fail is because you or she don't make it clear to each other from the beginning what you're in the relationship for. We're all getting older by the minute and all dying in that same minute which may sound morbid, but it's true and it's my motivation for stating that you shouldn't be out there wasting someone else's time or allowing them to waste yours.

How many people do you know that are a couple for a number of years but after (usually the woman) starts talking about marriage, the relationship ends badly? I'm not saying you have to know you're going to marry someone the minute you're going out with them, you should at least know and be honest with yourself and him/her if something like marriage will never be a real option and also not lead the other person on to believing that it's just a casual relationship when you've actually already started picking out wedding dresses.

When options change in a relationship as well, you have to tell the other person. If you decide you want to "play the field" a little more before settling down then you have to tell the other person. This will most likely end the relationship, but will it end with less hurt if you fool around while still in a relationship? Almost certainly.

So in the end I don't think it matters if you're physically attractive or not, if you can get someone interested in you for long enough to explain yourself openly and honestly, you'll get a lot of misses but that one hit will make it worth it.

Thats very true, every relationship must start from one spark of attraction and grow from there.

My 2c:
Years back when we were all still cavemen, it was a question of survival of the fittest. Thus the fittest males got the most action, in order to ensure the best strain wins. As has been the case the past century with sportsman, pilots, rocket scientists, etc. Seems like these days monetary value gets mistaken for strenght, where in most cases it is not.

Another point that i can pick up on is the fact that women ARE NOT always stimulated by a man's physical appearance (unlike us males). Now this got me wondering, what the hell do they look for in a man. Excitement? Thats something thats will wear off pretty quick in a long term relationship. What's left? Sorry fuck off, i am boning your friend.

To sum this all up, women claim that they are looking for emotional maturity, someone that is sensitive to their needs, will love them no matter what, have some form of success ahead. Now question is, why the hell did my last relationship not work? Well this chic tells me that i am too good to be true. WTF!?!?! I thought thats what she wanted.

And it seems to be getting worse......

Looks do play a role I guess, but how many times hanven't you encountered a hot woman, but she was as dumb as a brick - THAT makes the woman VERY unappealing to me... that, and when a grown up hottie has the mentality of a 2-year-old...

I do remember a line (vaguely) from that animated show from way back when, The Critic:

"You don't have to be good looking to get with hot women. I'll give you two words, 'Lyle Lovette'."

Well, there are a lot of examples of such things happening... Look at Dennis Rodman and Carmen Elektra, or Michael Jacksson and Lisa Marie Presley - however, in all the above examples, the guys were rich and famous...

So, to conclude my wavering ideas (which just about make sense to me this early in the morning), having money and fame can still get the ugly dudes the hot women...

Not caring about looks? If that would be the case women would barge down my door, rip the clothes off my cheese white skin and sodomise my cheeks... In other words...I havent seen it happen yet.

Now that is what I mean. Well said, and I think it is very true.

Well,
I'm not the expert here, but I don't think its ALL about looks when it comes to women:
I think the most important "thing" is: Confidence

What else do they want? Well I think if you have a Swiss bank account with trillions, it helps. If you are famous or powerful, yeah. In fact if you are a famous male model, who owns his own business empire its the best, huh. But there aren't many of those to go around. So we all have a fighting chance...

Confidence plays a big role.

But for me, the winner is attraction.
Without some form of physical attraction, no relationship anywhere in the world is going to work. Not even for Stevie Wonder.
Once there is that physical attraction, things develop from there, and the personallity becomes the most important.

But the fact still remains, that you would not ever consider even trying with someone that you considered ugly. It does not need to be a mind blowing OMG SHES TEH HAWT, but that attraction, however small, needs to be there, otherwise things just go belly up.

You know what I don't like? Say a girl doesn't want to be with a guy, and he'll say "It's because I'm ugly" - it's not always like that.

Maybe you're just not attractive to that girl. Everyone has a different opinion on what is attractive.

So even if the girl you're in love with doesn't want you - it doesn't mean you're ugly. You're either just not her type, (ie. some girls don't like blonde guys, or muscular guys), or she's just too picky.

It happened to me once where, this guy "wanted" me, and although he wasn't ugly or anything, I didn't feel that *spark* - and this left him feeling ugly and depressed.

AH, IT'S SO DIFFICULT TO EXPLAIN. Just a word of advice - don't convince yourself that you're ugly or undesirable just because some girls don't want you - that's just them.

It leaves a really crap feeling in mah belly. Hope you understand what I'm trying to say.

I understand that, but you must also get how seriously ugly and crap you feel after being rejected.

Well if we give science a chance..even the humble joe below average can net a supermodel. Yup...the secret is pheromones. Take 2 people apply special pheromones harvested off some willing induhvidual and see results. Amazing what information the TV has.
Now my question is where do I get some of that stuff (real pheromones not spanish fly crap) so that I can replace my current stockpile of Loser Pilz?

The one that I used to get often was. "You are such a good friend, and I don't want anything to ruin that friendship"

But as it turns out taking that extra step makes the friendship that much better, and stronger. My and I are not just soul mates... we are best friends. and that is the truth!!!

That pheromone in a womans case is a wad of cash and a nice car

Wad. Check
Car. Check

Nope not working...I'm only getting the desperate cases, no offense Sliv3r. Hmm maybe its time to do like my role model and use the patented "Dog yelp whistle, Dark alleyy and baseball bat" technique.
Problem is that every alley is taken these days.

You actually have to drive the car around with the wad of cash sitting on the dash board or hanging in the windows...

Or go to the Rivonia news cafe on a friday evening after work.....in your lambo/porche/M5/AMG/Crossfire

If I had a lambo i'd have to carry a stick around to beat them off the spoilers

I drive you beat

Going from a golf 1300 --> lambo you think you will be able to handle the power? LOL

"Beat" the woman with my "stick" I wouldn't mind tho

Slightly off topic here guys!!

Chicks who look at what you own instead of who you are aren't worth more than a one night stand. And thats probably all you would get anyway.

(esspecially Warpath, once they see how small his stick is )

He is married. He doesn't need to find anyone

of course he does....his wife is already deaf from listening to his issues and speakers.

I agree Beauty is in the eye of the beholder no?

Simple example, men think ALL females like a guy with a 'sixpack' I find it unnatural, too 'hard' to touch and pretty much as a result, give me a 'natural' looking stomach any day

/me thinks that hiccupsie just earned +999999999999999999999999999999999 brownie points with Paul

But ja, its not always about attracting women, personally, when I have worked hard to get my body looking the way I want it, I feel better about myself. Not everyone works out purely to get girls. Hell look at Ron Coleman, how many women find him atractive, and not his money?

but alas you do. by working out you feel better about yourself, thus looking happier, and more confident etc... so more girls are attracted to you (which you like) so in a round-a-bout way you do it for them.

I don't really like the whole muscular, six-pack thing. Just a bit of defintion is just right for me.

But even thinking now, no definition is fine for me as well.

I just don't want no muscle man. Total turn-off for me.

I don't want no MUSCLE WOMAN as well. A bit of Definition as toasted said is always good though. That "woman" in The Amazing Race is a BIG turn off.

Gitano hunny I've earned so many he's stopped adding them up

Him on the other hand.....

He is male so brownie points are not high on the list of priorities. Although I often try to earn a few every now and then to keep the peace

The first thing that attracts me to a guy is his mannerism....If you come up to me and say hey baby.. how's about you and me blah blah blah....i dont really know what guys say... i zone out after that point.... i wont give you the time of day..

it doesnt matter that much how u look... you have to capture me or rather intrigue me with the way you speak, the way you approach me....

i'm extremely attracted to men who smoulder..... it doesnt matter how u look or what you wearing... if you have that sensual, smouldering, delicious look.. he he... then u have my attention....

however... about looks not meaning much to girls .... trust me in means a hell of a lot when it comes to introducing him to your friends and family! not all girls are like that, but i know of a few that has had a boyfriend for months and not introduced him to anyone because they ashamed of his looks....

Define "smoulder"

To me, if you say someone who smoulders you mean a very atractive or sexy person, but you say "..... it doesnt matter how u look or what you wearing... ".

Does this mean he has to be atractive but, for instance, you dont mind if his hair has been blown in all directions by the wind or his close look like they come out of the washing basket?

smoulder... in my opinion... is a way of being.... nothing to do with the way you look....its your eyes, ur smile, ur lips.... the way you look at me... the way you speak... in that deep sexy whisper... the way you move....and whether or not someone is attractive is in the eye of the beholder.... so i guess to pull of the smoulder look you will have to have some degree of attractiveness....

if the smouldering guy's hair look like as you say "blown in all directions by the wind".... then come here... let me run my fingers through your hair and make it right....

if the smouldering guy's "clothes look like they come out of the washing basket"... then baby come here.... let me take it off and wash them for you! he he he he

So you could say its about body language.

Thanks, thats a good explanation

i can honestly say i couldnt care less about looks .... ive had fugly bfs and gorgeous hunks ... didnt make me love then any differently ... i firmly believe that everyone is beautifull in their own way. Im more attracted to other things like the way he looks at me and talks to me and the way he lives his life...

You say you dont care about looks and i believe you, but seriously, if a real ugly stranger (in your opinion) comes up to you and start hitting on you, will you give him the same time of day that you would have givin a cute guy (again in your opinion) in the same situation?