I feel like a cheater.
What do I do?
Full Version: I Am A Cheater.
Been a few months since my girlfriend died. She was the one girl I wanted to marry, I thought she was perfect. Now her cousin approached me and seduced me. She was naked in my bed when I got to the place I'm staying. She looked like my girlfriend and I was drunk so we fucked. The next day she said it was okay, she took advantage of the fact she looked like my girlfriend.
I feel like a cheater. What do I do?
I feel like a cheater.
What do I do?
Sorry about ur girl friend...
i'm really sorry about your girlfriend man but the truth is you are not a cheater imo, just human i'm afraid.
beer goggles have a way of distorting reality so dont sweat it too much, you were vulnerable and were taken advantage of.
your conscience will say otherwise but when you are hurting like you obviously are, the only way you will see sense is rationalizing with your head not your heart.
beer goggles have a way of distorting reality so dont sweat it too much, you were vulnerable and were taken advantage of.
your conscience will say otherwise but when you are hurting like you obviously are, the only way you will see sense is rationalizing with your head not your heart.
QUOTE(enigma @ Mar 10 2005, 07:42 AM)
i'm really sorry about your girlfriend man but the truth is you are not a cheater imo, just human i'm afraid.
That's what I'm trying to tell myself.
I can't get my girlfriend off my mind now. I miss her so much I sleep on her bed now so I can smell her. My father wants me to get out of this country to forget, but I don't think I can forget her this soon.
Getting drunk has been my solution. Until that cousin thing happened.
I have this stupid thought that she may get out of her grave and kick me in the nuts. Or show up as a ghost and kick me in the nuts. I won't mind getting kicked in the nuts as long as I see her again.
Drunk bastard talking. Sorry guys.
i'm sorry to say man but time is the only healer in this scenario
just take one day at a time, eventually it becomes more and more bearable.
the worst thing you can do is keep trying to hold on (sleep in her bed etc), you need to distance yourself as far as possible from "her", so imo your dad is correct in a sense
perfectly natural to feel that way, as long as understand that that is your heart talking and not a logical sense of reasoning.
just take one day at a time, eventually it becomes more and more bearable.
the worst thing you can do is keep trying to hold on (sleep in her bed etc), you need to distance yourself as far as possible from "her", so imo your dad is correct in a sense
QUOTE
I have this stupid thought that she may get out of her grave and kick me in the nuts. Or show up as a ghost and kick me in the nuts. I won't mind getting kicked in the nuts as long as I see her again.
Drunk bastard talking. Sorry guys.
Drunk bastard talking. Sorry guys.
perfectly natural to feel that way, as long as understand that that is your heart talking and not a logical sense of reasoning.
I know man. I know. But sometimes I get really depressed because I was so used to having her in my life and now she's gone. Rethinking my life without her is so damn hard.
Thanks for the advice. Maybe I should take that trip.
And right now I feel like no one will take her place. I've never really loved anyone that way, she was the only one who made me feel that way. I don't think I can ever feel that way again.
Thanks for the advice. Maybe I should take that trip.
And right now I feel like no one will take her place. I've never really loved anyone that way, she was the only one who made me feel that way. I don't think I can ever feel that way again.
it is in times like this that it is awesome to have genuine buddies, spend more time with them,confide in them and cry with them if you can.
i havent gone through anything nearly as bad as you have but my pain felt no less real at the time.Ii found out what real friends were all about and they pulled me through.
you dont have to leave the country or anything since the last thing you want to be is alone right now. Spend all your time with friends and family and get the support you need from them.
i havent gone through anything nearly as bad as you have but my pain felt no less real at the time.Ii found out what real friends were all about and they pulled me through.
you dont have to leave the country or anything since the last thing you want to be is alone right now. Spend all your time with friends and family and get the support you need from them.
QUOTE(enigma @ Mar 10 2005, 08:06 AM)
it is in times like this that it is awesome to have genuine buddies, spend more time with them,confide in them and cry with them if you can.
i havent gone through anything nearly as bad as you have but my pain felt no less real at the time.Ii found out what real friends were all about and they pulled me through.
you dont have to leave the country or anything since the last thing you want to be is alone right now. Spend all your time with friends and family and get the support you need from them.
i havent gone through anything nearly as bad as you have but my pain felt no less real at the time.Ii found out what real friends were all about and they pulled me through.
you dont have to leave the country or anything since the last thing you want to be is alone right now. Spend all your time with friends and family and get the support you need from them.
That's one of my problems man. There are lots of people hurting right now. My girlfriend's twin sister has cancer, battling it out. My friends and her friend's are so mixed closely, all of us be hurting. I am also trying to be there for her sister but when I look at her I see my girlfriend and it takes too much of a toll on me.
Someone up there really hates my guts.
i really feel for you man, i wish i knew what to say to make it easier.
as i said before, just take it day by day (hell i used to plan my day per hour just to get through).
have you considered chatting to somebody qualified about this? ego aside they may be able to help you, seriously
as i said before, just take it day by day (hell i used to plan my day per hour just to get through).
have you considered chatting to somebody qualified about this? ego aside they may be able to help you, seriously
I think I need intensive psychotherapy. So that they'll give me lots of drugs so I can feel numb. Just kidding man. Yeah I'm seeing someone qualified tomorrow. I'm trying to survive that long until I get inside that office.
Uh and no, I'm not going to do suicide. Thought about it but no, it's not my thing.
Uh and no, I'm not going to do suicide. Thought about it but no, it's not my thing.
lol, i know i dosed myself with so many damn tranquilisers,painkillers & sleeping pills that i didnt know right from left, but it is only a very temporary solution and didnt really help.
good to hear you are seeing someone, good luck with that man and let us know how it goes
BTW: dont listen to the radio, i swear when you are brokenhearted all they play are love songs
good to hear you are seeing someone, good luck with that man and let us know how it goes
BTW: dont listen to the radio, i swear when you are brokenhearted all they play are love songs
Sure man. Thanks again.
After above post I spent an hour just sitting. After that I went straight to my uncle's house (also the shrink). I didn't think I had the patience to wait until today. We talked for hours and we decided after telling my father that it be best for me and my uncle to go to Germany for a few months. We leave next week.
The part I hated during that talk was when he made me say "She's dead and there's nothing I can do about it so I'm going to accept it." 10 times. I wanted to
.
The part I hated during that talk was when he made me say "She's dead and there's nothing I can do about it so I'm going to accept it." 10 times. I wanted to
.
Shame, a very touching story. I lost my best friend, i couldnt imagine loosing someone who i loved soo much. I would prolly be in the same state as u are. I just hope that never happens to me. So sorry.
QUOTE
We talked for hours and we decided after telling my father that it be best for me and my uncle to go to Germany for a few months. We leave next week
i hope you find what you are looking for man, good luck
QUOTE(armthedark @ Mar 11 2005, 06:33 AM)
Shame, a very touching story. I lost my best friend, i couldnt imagine loosing someone who i loved soo much. I would prolly be in the same state as u are. I just hope that never happens to me. So sorry.
I hope nothing like this happens to anybody else. It hurts too much. I wish I was in your position right now, where all I can do is hope nothing like this happens to me.
QUOTE(enigma @ Mar 11 2005, 07:28 AM)
i hope you find what you are looking for man, good luck
Your per hour plan is working for me right now, so thanks again.
Hey Colos
Loosing someone you love is never easy, and u find you through fazes, first you cry, then u dont want to believe its true, then you become angry with god and question why he took your love away from you, then u feel "why me", then u want to end you own life.
There is a reason for this, that is the fact that the human mind can not just accept death, you cant just accept the fact that the one you love is gone, you keep expecting them to walk through the door. What are feeling is normal, its how u deal with it that matters.
You think that you cheated on your girlfriend, because u are still thinking that she is your girlfriend, this is understandable and acceptable in the current situation. But in time you will come to realise that you are only human. I would shoot the girl for taking advantage of you in a weak state.
My advice, I want you to go and sit in her room and lock the door. look around, think of the good times you had, dont think of the future you could of had, think of the time you spent together, and then cry yourself finished! Let yourself cry (and trust me, u going to cry like niagra falls) but afterwards u will feel better. Then I think you take this trip to germany, it will do you good to get away from it all.
Also understand that booz is a mood enhancer, if you are happy and you drink, u will become more happy, if u are angry, u will become more angry, and if you are sad, you will become more sad, booz is not a solution, since its actually holding you back from working through this.
I remember when my uncle was shot, and I watched my aunt go through this, trust me mate, there is light at the end of the tunnel, will be able to work through this, and you will in time learn to love again, she will always have a special place in your heart.
Also think of it from her side, where ever she is, do u think she likes seeing you drinking and being sad? think careful what she would want for you, If you really want to make her happy, and give her one last wish, sit down and think of what she would want for you, and go for it. also do something in her memory.
I know when my uncle died, it hit me very very hard, he was originally from durban, and he was a fitness freak, he was always doing sports. So in his memory, i did a cycling tour from JHB to DBN in 5 days (averaging 160KM a day) now if u look at my photo, u will see i am a huge lazy ox, but i made up my mind that this is what i was going to do in memory of him, when i got down to durban, i sms'ed my folks to tell them i was in dbn, and my father sms'd back "Uncle tony would be proud of you."
This broke me hey, i had such a rush of emotions, i cried solid for like 2 hours, but at the end of the day, i felt a hell of a lot better about it)
Just remember, time and space are the two key elements to healing any kind of emotional pain.
Loosing someone you love is never easy, and u find you through fazes, first you cry, then u dont want to believe its true, then you become angry with god and question why he took your love away from you, then u feel "why me", then u want to end you own life.
There is a reason for this, that is the fact that the human mind can not just accept death, you cant just accept the fact that the one you love is gone, you keep expecting them to walk through the door. What are feeling is normal, its how u deal with it that matters.
You think that you cheated on your girlfriend, because u are still thinking that she is your girlfriend, this is understandable and acceptable in the current situation. But in time you will come to realise that you are only human. I would shoot the girl for taking advantage of you in a weak state.
My advice, I want you to go and sit in her room and lock the door. look around, think of the good times you had, dont think of the future you could of had, think of the time you spent together, and then cry yourself finished! Let yourself cry (and trust me, u going to cry like niagra falls) but afterwards u will feel better. Then I think you take this trip to germany, it will do you good to get away from it all.
Also understand that booz is a mood enhancer, if you are happy and you drink, u will become more happy, if u are angry, u will become more angry, and if you are sad, you will become more sad, booz is not a solution, since its actually holding you back from working through this.
I remember when my uncle was shot, and I watched my aunt go through this, trust me mate, there is light at the end of the tunnel, will be able to work through this, and you will in time learn to love again, she will always have a special place in your heart.
Also think of it from her side, where ever she is, do u think she likes seeing you drinking and being sad? think careful what she would want for you, If you really want to make her happy, and give her one last wish, sit down and think of what she would want for you, and go for it. also do something in her memory.
I know when my uncle died, it hit me very very hard, he was originally from durban, and he was a fitness freak, he was always doing sports. So in his memory, i did a cycling tour from JHB to DBN in 5 days (averaging 160KM a day) now if u look at my photo, u will see i am a huge lazy ox, but i made up my mind that this is what i was going to do in memory of him, when i got down to durban, i sms'ed my folks to tell them i was in dbn, and my father sms'd back "Uncle tony would be proud of you."
This broke me hey, i had such a rush of emotions, i cried solid for like 2 hours, but at the end of the day, i felt a hell of a lot better about it)
Just remember, time and space are the two key elements to healing any kind of emotional pain.
QUOTE(Adelante @ Mar 11 2005, 08:50 PM)
Also understand that booz is a mood enhancer, if you are happy and you drink, u will become more happy, if u are angry, u will become more angry, and if you are sad, you will become more sad, booz is not a solution, since its actually holding you back from working through this.
That is brilliant advice Adelante. I know for a fact that I've almost cheated on my girl three times and thought to myself afterwards: "Man, I'm so glad I didn't".
The facts are that alcohol does make you do things you wouldnt normally do and the bottom line is you miss her and you dont want to be alone..
Something you should always remember: "If you truly love someone, not even death can separate you. They will remain with you in your heart forever".
All you need is time bro. Thats all you need. Love will find you again
first off Colos, seems like u're in need of one of these *hug*
u still seem to have a lot of hurt (And do i sense a bit of anger) in this whole situation. now i can't say that i've lost a bf before, but i have resently lost my gramps that meant the world to me. sometimes when i think of some of the things he did for us, and just the normal day to day stuff i want to burst out in tears since the wound is still so new. but the thing that keeps me going day in and day out is all the love i got from him and what he'd want for me. strangely enough if u ask ppl how they feel about losing someone and what they'd want ppl to do what they died, almost everyone says that they'd rather prefer everyone hold one big party in their honour. now if u think about it, wouldn't that be what ur g/f would want for u Colos ? i wouldn't want anyone to cry for me - rather to think of the things i did for them and how much i loved them. i'm sure she'd want the same for u. now the idea that Adelante had about going to her room and looking around, remembering her is actually a good one. she'll always stay in ur heart as your first / deep love ... but she wouldn't want u to be unhappy and forget all her love, now would she ? everytime u think of how horrible it is that she's gone, polish off one of those loving memories u have of her. how she wore her hair, her smile stuff like that - then u're finally true to her memory. and harsh as it might seem, i think the time that we're on earth are measured by the amount of lesson that we have to learn and teach other ppl and she was here to teach u a lesson in love that would always change the person that u are. now it's all up to u to make it a good one (in honor of her memory) or make it a bad one and throw all the good she meant to u away.
u still seem to have a lot of hurt (And do i sense a bit of anger) in this whole situation. now i can't say that i've lost a bf before, but i have resently lost my gramps that meant the world to me. sometimes when i think of some of the things he did for us, and just the normal day to day stuff i want to burst out in tears since the wound is still so new. but the thing that keeps me going day in and day out is all the love i got from him and what he'd want for me. strangely enough if u ask ppl how they feel about losing someone and what they'd want ppl to do what they died, almost everyone says that they'd rather prefer everyone hold one big party in their honour. now if u think about it, wouldn't that be what ur g/f would want for u Colos ? i wouldn't want anyone to cry for me - rather to think of the things i did for them and how much i loved them. i'm sure she'd want the same for u. now the idea that Adelante had about going to her room and looking around, remembering her is actually a good one. she'll always stay in ur heart as your first / deep love ... but she wouldn't want u to be unhappy and forget all her love, now would she ? everytime u think of how horrible it is that she's gone, polish off one of those loving memories u have of her. how she wore her hair, her smile stuff like that - then u're finally true to her memory. and harsh as it might seem, i think the time that we're on earth are measured by the amount of lesson that we have to learn and teach other ppl and she was here to teach u a lesson in love that would always change the person that u are. now it's all up to u to make it a good one (in honor of her memory) or make it a bad one and throw all the good she meant to u away.
Adelante, practically everything in your post made sense to me and made me wake up. I thank you for them greatly. I am doing some things in her memory and it involves giving some help for her sister.
I agree Badavis, she will remain in my heart forever. There will be no other her, and right now I feel I won't be able to love anyone the way I loved her. Right now I find it hard to think of myself loving anyone but her, like all other girls pale in comparison to her.
Thank you for the hug. I am most in need of one, every hug helps.
QUOTE(Badavis @ Mar 14 2005, 04:01 AM)
Something you should always remember: "If you truly love someone, not even death can separate you. They will remain with you in your heart forever".
I agree Badavis, she will remain in my heart forever. There will be no other her, and right now I feel I won't be able to love anyone the way I loved her. Right now I find it hard to think of myself loving anyone but her, like all other girls pale in comparison to her.
QUOTE(rix @ Mar 14 2005, 04:25 AM)
first off Colos, seems like u're in need of one of these *hug*
Thank you for the hug. I am most in need of one, every hug helps.
I second that *hug*
Really feeling for you man. That is soooo terrible it's frightening I would die if anything happened to my wife.
Really feeling for you man. That is soooo terrible it's frightening I would die if anything happened to my wife.
QUOTE(W( at )RP( at )T}{ @ Mar 15 2005, 09:33 AM)
I second that *hug*
Really feeling for you man. That is soooo terrible it's frightening I would die if anything happened to my wife.
Really feeling for you man. That is soooo terrible it's frightening I would die if anything happened to my wife.
Thanks man.
Love, appreciate everyday you spend with your wife. Never take her for granted.
QUOTE
Adelante, practically everything in your post made sense to me and made me wake up. I thank you for them greatly. I am doing some things in her memory and it involves giving some help for her sister.
Dude, only a pleasure
Alright. I flaked out going to the trip, moving date next week. I am going on this trip. I am setting my mind that I should go away for a few months so I can heal. In the meantime, I'll just stick around here.
Thats great news Colos, it's even better that you'll hang around here. We will always be here to give you some good feelings and advice and help you through this.
*I Love the NF atmosphere, always willing to assist and help in any matter*
Your thread really hit me in the heart, feel sooo much for you now. Anyone that trully loves someone but is having "problems" should read this as inspiration to keeping the relationship going. I know even though I don't have problems that your story has been an inspiration to work at anything life or my wife throws at me!!!!
I will always be greatful for her and always be good to her and never take her for granted, you have changed my view in so many ways and made me a better person out of your bad experience.
Once again my whole hearted condolences, if you ever need us we will be here for you and anyone else.
*I Love the NF atmosphere, always willing to assist and help in any matter*
Your thread really hit me in the heart, feel sooo much for you now. Anyone that trully loves someone but is having "problems" should read this as inspiration to keeping the relationship going. I know even though I don't have problems that your story has been an inspiration to work at anything life or my wife throws at me!!!!
I will always be greatful for her and always be good to her and never take her for granted, you have changed my view in so many ways and made me a better person out of your bad experience.
Once again my whole hearted condolences, if you ever need us we will be here for you and anyone else.
QUOTE(W( at )RP( at )T}{ @ Mar 17 2005, 09:40 AM)
Thats great news Colos, it's even better that you'll hang around here. We will always be here to give you some good feelings and advice and help you through this.
*I Love the NF atmosphere, always willing to assist and help in any matter*
Your thread really hit me in the heart, feel sooo much for you now. Anyone that trully loves someone but is having "problems" should read this as inspiration to keeping the relationship going. I know even though I don't have problems that your story has been an inspiration to work at anything life or my wife throws at me!!!!
I will always be greatful for her and always be good to her and never take her for granted, you have changed my view in so many ways and made me a better person out of your bad experience.
Once again my whole hearted condolences, if you ever need us we will be here for you and anyone else.
*I Love the NF atmosphere, always willing to assist and help in any matter*
Your thread really hit me in the heart, feel sooo much for you now. Anyone that trully loves someone but is having "problems" should read this as inspiration to keeping the relationship going. I know even though I don't have problems that your story has been an inspiration to work at anything life or my wife throws at me!!!!
I will always be greatful for her and always be good to her and never take her for granted, you have changed my view in so many ways and made me a better person out of your bad experience.
Once again my whole hearted condolences, if you ever need us we will be here for you and anyone else.
Thank you.
Pleasure Colos 
UPDATE: She's pregnant folks.
Congratulations
WHO ? Your dead girlfriend?
No tool, the chick he slept with.
This whoe thread stinks of lies.
my 2 cents
my 2 cents
QUOTE(Colos @ May 1 2005, 03:18 AM)
UPDATE: She's pregnant folks.
just when you needed that final push over the edge..
I hope you'll be a good father to this child. How many months pregnant is your girlfriend?
Keep us updated.
Keep us updated.
QUOTE(Rush @ May 1 2005, 12:26 AM)
This whoe thread stinks of lies.
my 2 cents
my 2 cents
Yeah, I'm just making all this up. My life is a fucking mess and I'm just making all this up. I'll even admit to pretending to consider talking to the bitch to abort the goddamn baby, something I never thought I would never do in my life. I'll even admit to pretending to getting drunk and going to the cemetery to fucking ask for forgiveness and asking as to what I should do to a dead person who will never answer back.
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