Hey everyone, this is my first topic so I tried to make it good.

A few months ago I dated this girl who was about a year younger than me, everything was great and we loved spending time together. Like most couple's we had our differences and arguments but I think I really might have loved her. I liked making her feel happy i.e. for her birthday, 100's of candles in my garden and a picnic type supper and etc. But after 4 months, 5 days and 18 hours 36mins we broke up. It was probably the first time I ever felt like dying on the spot. Anyway about 3 weeks ago I met this other girl but can't do any of those things for her. I kinda think I lost my romance sense by wasting it. So now the question I ask not only to the guys but also girls...Do you think love is worth everything, worth every drop of blood or is it just if your lucky enough to find someone you think is the one?

Sorry about the long-ass intro, had to set some stuff straight.

You have a 1 in 4Billion chance of finding 'the one', but then again, seeing that there are 2 girls for every guy on earth (theoretically), you'd have a 1 in 2Billion chance. Now lets say 15% of those ladies are lesbian, you'd have a 1 in 300Million chance.
So you see, you have to keep your eyes and ears open because 'the one' may come knocking at your door at anytime and then my friend, you have to grab the opportunity. And that opportunity is worth everything.

Adieu

I don't know mate, I really don't know if its worth it. But maybe, in some time you will look back and say the opposite.

I also had one of those relationships where you really forget about reality. Your world starts to turn only around that 1 special person. Nothing else matters anymore, you just want her to be happy and you will give everything to do just that.
When we eventually broke up, I was a wreck. I was unable to face the world by myself, it felt like someone stuck a peg through my heart. I gave her everything I could and in one instant she just threw it all away. It took me more than a year to get myself together and finally to realize that I need to let her memory go.
Only then I was able to see what harm it actually did to me, not only was I emotionally scarred but my friends also drifted away from me. It took a long time to get back the life I once had.

Now I ask the same question as you, was it worth it? I don't know, if our paths was to cross again one day in the future, maybe I will risk it all again.

But what I can tell you is that, if it lasted, it would have been worth it. It's a chance you need to take, you will get hurt, but maybe you will succeed the next time, or in 5 years. I guess there are people out there who never really found "The One".

At the moment though I am happily in a relationship with a wonderful lady and its only getting better every day . I can tell you that, the hurt I once felt, actually made me stronger and made me realize that there are also other important things that you must take into consideration. It was one big lesson in the end.

Thats my take on it, don't let it break you down, go and think about everything, keep the good memories and let the bad ones go. Look at everyday as an opportunity to meet your special someone, because if you keep walking around with a sorrow filled heart it will certainly pass you by.

Goodluck man.

It depends on the girl, but moreover it depends on how developed you are intellectually and emotionally. It isn't a maturity factor as it is establishing a very solid sense of who you are and achieving goals you set out for. By being the right kind of man (a man of high intellect and self assurance), the right kind of woman will recognize your value and seek you out. Bottom line is, your relationship is only ever as good as the participants, and in particular you. Work on being the man you envision in your mind, expand your intellectual horizons, and you will find your equal.

BTW, I'm not one to believe in the concept of "the one." There are far too many good people out there. Its just a matter of recognizing your own worth, presenting it appropriately, and the rest will follow.

Strange I just found this thread, I was just browsing through the topics and, thinking the exact same thing as you Messor.

The worst I've ever felt in my whole life, I've felt about 3 times over the past week. I can't imagine how you must feel though, I never went out with anyone that caused me to feel this bad. But that's a long story, doubt anyone wants to hear it. And I don't really wanna tell it.

I don't think love is worth that much anymore. It used to be the most important thing to me. But ya my eyes have been opened over the last week.

There's always a chance that the person you like and maybe even love, is gonna hurt you even if they don't mean to. If you wanna take the chance then go for it, it also depends on the girl. For the moment I'm doing all I can to stay away from girls, which isn't as easy as I thought.

Good luck

Well, you've all heard the saying "It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all;" depending on you though this could be completely true, or utter crap. Personally I think it's worth it even if it's fizzles out in the end, as there's nothing that can replace that great feeling of being in love, or at least thinking you really are. Being burned is a necessary part of developing yourself into someone capable of love; you won't really appreciate it until you know how damn much it hurts to have it ripped away from you.

I feel for you guys that have been burned, I've been there myself. The one thing you cannot do is wallow in self-pity and let yourself feel shit about it, put it behind you as fast as possible and move on. If you let it eat at you too long you're going to end up being 'damaged goods:' I have a friend who is now almost incapable of feeling for another girl since his 'one' broke his heart almost 3 years ago. Get out, meet new people and don't let your past screw-ups bring you down

I don't believe in this idea of 'the one.' Although I do believe in a deterministic system where our lives are inexorably set out, you could meet the person you consider your soulmate but for all you know there could be someone even more compatible and complementary to you living right next door, sitting behind you in traffic, or waiting for the day they can meet someone just like you.


Get back on the horse dude, don't give up completely. Hopefully one day when you're with someone who your universe revolves around you'll look back and be glad you did

Good luck!

Thanks so much for responding to my topic, I value the opinions of others.
Azgard I can say the same about love but please don't forget what good things there are about it. I know thats kinda weird from me who was complaining but there is still some happiness in it. Anyway hope we both find it some day

Puppy Love is Real to a puppy. Its harsh to say, as much as you "loved" her, she didnt "love" you the same in return. This is a cold hard fact which is hard to swallow, and hard to get over. If you have read my "Woman Issues" thread, you will see i am the worst when it comes to woman and heart break, I always seem to set myself up for it.

I dont think there is anything wrong with what you did, and giving everything towards your relationship. What you did wasnt wasted. Nothing in relationships is wasted, even spending 2 years with someone and breaking up. Some refer to this as "Wasting 2 years of their life" NO NO NO! you havent wasted anything, you have learnt so much about yourself, your likes and dislikes, the type of people you get along with in a relationship. How you interact with a particular type of person in a relationship.

Please dont feel like you have wasted 4 months of your life on this woman, because i promise you now, you havent.

Just remember, Love doesnt really cause heartache, Its what you think is love causes heartache.



Then you are not ready to start dating again, because you are still carrying emotional bagage from your past relationship. Granted, we all bring emotional bagage into new relationships, the difference, is you havent delt with yuor bagage. You need to sit down either with this girl as a friend and discuss this stuff with her, or talk to someone who you trust, and is very understanding.

Personally, I think if you using this girl as a rebound girl, because you seem to have no love interest towards her. I personally think, that its in your best interest, to deal with your emotional bagage before entering into a serious relationship with this young lady, since you are only going to get more hurt, and he are going to seriously hurt this girl.


Btw: Welcome to Net-Forums

I suppose I need some time to recover, then I'm sure I'll try again. I'm not one to give up so easily. Problem is finals begin tomorrow... My timing is perfect as usual.



There are a lot of good things. I don't have much experience in that, but so far I know what you mean. But at the moment the bad is really outweighing the good. The thing is now if I continue and ask a girl out. Since there is one that I like, and know, and I think she likes me too, well she likes asking me questions anyway. I'm scared the same things gonna happen again with her.

I know that sometimes it gets to much, I snapped at a good griend of mine once just because he mentioned it as a joke, but thats something I'm not proud of. Azgard, you and I have alot in common and I think we've got some things straight and some things not, like they say you learn from your mistakes...lets just hope we leran from ours.

Dude, keep the faith. I had a gf a long ago and I though she was the one. Well she ended things and I thought there was no way I would ever find someone else, or find that feeling again.

I was WRONG!!!

I am now with the most amazing women ever (IMO). My feelings for her are stronger than my feelings for any other women I have been with!!

There is hope, keep the faith. I don't think you should look for love, rather let love find you. Make friends with chicks... I think the best relationships are those that develop from a great friendship. My current situation.

Cheers

someone once said "You can't feel love, until you have felt hurt"

Messor.

It sucks to be rejected buddy, real or 'puppy' love.
And then you find yourself where you are now, asking yourself
'Is this shit worth it?'
Well, while it hurts to be rejected. The next love that comes your
way always feels sweeter than the one before.
So its sounds so easy to say just hang on in there, that the hurt will go away and that love will again come your way. But it will, trust me on this.
Even if it don't feel like it now.

My point is that you have to move on if this relationship is spent, you tried.
It didn't work. Move on.
You have to continue to believe that your love lies just around the next corner.
That it’s only a question of time.
Because if you don't. You will miss or reject that love that next comes your way.
And if you think plain rejection is bad you will be surprised to know how
kak it feels to have missed a true-love opportunity.

I'm not good at this, so I hope it made sense.
Cheers

Hey

I can honestly say Ive been where you are. You're confuzed and not sure whether girls are worth any time and effort at all. Take it from me...the last three girls that Ive had a chance with have all rejected me because Im a) leaving for cape town in a couple of months or b) just such a good friend that they dont want to ruin it. WTF! Girls aren't worth it...not now.

You're looking for real love but the fact is there's a 99.99% probability that you aren't going to find it. You will find girls who think (wait for it) that guys don't have emotions. Im being generalised here but this is what Ive heard from adults and other older women. They honestly don't realise that guys have emotions and get hurt over the littlest things. They think we're just in there for the sex (granted some of us are but again a generalisation)! The problem comes in when you aren't and they (girls) screw you around because of it.

Relationships now are a growth period. Its time for you to find out who you are and what you want. Time to experiment () and find your likes and dislikes. Its not time to find your wife and set up a family!

The best thing you could do is be friends. Friends rock and I know you have friends who care about you and will help whenver you need it even if they aren't there with you.

Good luck with your troubles and if you ever need to talk just gimme a shout!

Ciao

Some good points all you guys have made here.

Just something I think is quite funny. Women are always complaining that guys are insensitive and everything. But they don't realize that they can do the smallest of things and it will make us break down completely.

This kinda reminds me off an episode of South Park where Butters gives some real wisdom on this subject. First time I saw it it really made me think

Love is...what?
If anything, most definitely worth it. It never seems that way when you're hurting, but it's easier to contemplate giving up when something is capable of causing you so much pain. Or has done so.

And its very very very cliche and I do hate saying it, but time will sort that out. For now, just don't get lost in your anger/disappointment, concentrate on something you enjoy that redirects your attention. That's experience talking.

You have to take the rough with the smoothe dude

Why do you think God made woman with 2 sets of lips?

One to shout at you with and one to apologise with

It is worth it in the end

Yes it is. Even if she cheats on you with your brother and father at the same time, or gets hit by a big-ass truck or something.

The fact is, every relationship in life will end in pain, weather its being dumped by your gf or seeing your partner of X years die. The only way you can escape this is by dying first, and thats just kinda sucky.

Anyway to the point:
A relationship, especially a happy one is not worth avoiding because a few years down the line you might get some pain in the post.
So yeah. Its worth it. Don't avoid a relationship just because it might contain a few tears.

messor that really sux mate.
is love worth all the heartache/pain/sorrow... for me it is. i was once told that when u get old amd near death you regret all the things u didnt do not the things u did. thats how i try to live my life, if the chances of finding the ¨1¨ who is meant for you is 1 in 4 billion its still a chance and i would not hesitate to take that chance, yes it means that the possibility of getting hurt increases exponentially but without the hurt you cant feel the wonderfull feeling that is falling in love.

let me put it to u another way.
everyone you meet, you meet for a reason, you meet him or her so that they can teach you about life, give you some information that u dont know yet and once they have done that they leave. the girl you will end up marrying will be the one that has the most to teach you. i know that just after a breakup it is very hard to see what she could have possibly tought you but it will become clear with time.
i am only seeing some of the thing that i was tought from my past relationships 3 years down the line.

Every chance taken will bring you closer to the girl that surpasses your you dreams and she will think the same about you.
never shy away from love, when you are old and grey all you will have are you friends/family and your love.

goodluck with love mate its not an easy journey buts its the most rewarding one.

ROLF

seriously though...i had my heart broken once with a girl i really loved, i hurt like hell for a long time and in many ways..even 2 yrs later i am still not quite over her.

in every subsequent relationship i have been an emotional vacuum, unable to feel anything but persisting in the hope that one day i will feel something, it just seems that everyone else is a substitute

Amen to that CrazedFerret!! A - fuckin - men!!!

I agree. This life has so many ways of making us grow in so many ways. Though some of our experiences in this life may seem truly hard to deal with they do not
come to us for no reason. We are sometimes so caught up in the pain of our bad
experiences that we actually forget to do a very important thing....LOOK ON THE
BRIGHT SIDE. Yeah yeah I know it sounds stupid but we should really do this. When you look for the good in all your experiences of life you will see that the good of your experiences always out weighs the bad.