Today I SMS'ed this telkom guy (yes I have his number) and he decided not to reply (we give him real shit, been here 5 or so times this month). So I thought, "fuck that". He came earlier this week and swapped the lines around (our main line seemed to work okay), but the problems were still happening. So I found one of those adapter things u plug the cable into, joined it with the two wires (never bothered hooking up to the "cell" looking thing and other cables) and IT WORKS 100%! My downloads are great and everything is great
Hooray!