A couple of people already know this story, but i would just like to get everyone else's views.

The Background History:
I have known this girl since i was in high school, we have basically been best friends for the past five years. She was so madly inlove with me back in the day, we had a couple of flings, but nothing serious, it was a case of "I was to stupid to see what was right infront of me".

The buildup:
She went over to the UK, and while she was gone, it made me think about her a hell of a lot, and while she was gone i started falling for her very hard, Her and I have always been very open and honest with each other, so I told her how i felt about her, she replied by saying that she also had feelings for me. Problem... she had a boyfriend, but she wanted to end it with him because things weren't working out.

The Story:
Last week friday she got home from the UK. I ment up with her that night for some drinks, and everything went well, we spoke a bit, and she told me things weren't working well with her boyfriend, and she wanted to break up with him, but she also needs some time to sort out her life and stuff, since she had been away from home for a year. To which i agreed with her, and told her she must do what she feels is right, and what will make her happy.

On the Saturday, she spent the day with her boyfriend (it was there 1 year) and they went out to supper and he stayed at her house.

On the Sunday, she broke up with her boyfriend, I phoned her juring the day, and she was crying and upset, I told her things would be ok, and basically just let her cry on my shoulder.

On Monday, We spent the day together, we got dvd's to watch, I took her out to dinner and drinks afterwards, and we spoke about a lot, (I said something and it reminded her about her boyfriend, and she started crying in my car) I told her that she must take her time, I am in no rush, i want her to be happy, and not to bring past issues or anything in a relationship. She knows how I feel about her, and that I would give her, her space and let her deal with her issues, and i would just be there for her. Monday was awesome, i dropped her off at home and everything was perfect.

(Note, she is going back to the uk at the end of july, and comming back in november to stay for good)

I also let her know that i thought if she wanted, we could leave *us* until she got back from the uk in november, then we could take a look at our situation again.

Where it all went horribly wrong:
On tuesday.. i got a sms from her...
I'm going to movies at 5 2day, so i cant give u the photos. 2 tell u the truth, i'm really not doing so good, I need 2 be on my own dave. Know u might not understand, but i cant stand to see you right now, has all been a bit fast 4 me this week just getting home & all the stuff with Mike. I will call u.

My heart sunk, i felt sick, and i started shaking...
I didnt know whether i was hurt or cross, I sent her a reply, saying that I know she has no inntension of phoning me and that if me not being in her life will make her happy, then so be it. I never got a reply...
I sent another sms saying that I understand she needs her space and time, and she cant do it with me around, and i will respect that... I never got a reply...

As much as i try tell myself everything will be fine, or as much as i try tell myself i am over it, and i can deal with it, I cant... Its freaking eating my up inside for 2 reasons...

1) I am scared that i might not ever get to see her again
2) I want to phone her, just to hear her voice, or to try talk to her, but i know this will make matters worse.

I honestly dont know what to do, some people say leave it, others say get over it, the rest say she will come to her senses.... its been almost a week not, and its seriously killing me.. to the poin that I go to bed at night hoping that the next morning I will wake up and it would have never happened, everytime my phone rings or a sms comes through, i think its from her.

I have gotten to the point where i dont know if I hate her or love her, or if i love to hate her

What are your people's views on this...

I think that your reply there should have been a lot more subtle, seeing that she was dealing with issues, which you were aware of.

I would opt that you phone her, just to see what is up and all, but then again, you did say this:


Quite a kaka situation there, seeing that the two of you are hurting inside, and care deeply about each other.

On the one hand, you could leave it, but that will leave you with the "what if" syndrome... What if I had called her, we could have straightened things out....

However, calling her could also bring about the "what if" syndrome.

I am not giving advice, but if I were in the situation, I would call her, or even go to see her before she leaves for the UK...

Adelante that is crushing.

Time for the cold hard facts.

She’s just come out of a 1 year relationship. For anyone (especially a woman) that will be a lot to deal with. If she had to fall into your arms now I’d raise a question mark; rebound? I’m not one to talk I know...
She needs time to re-adjust herself to life without this guy. That might take weeks or months but at least she is now single and you have a chance. A far better change than a few days ago
She’s leaving for England in a few weeks. Well that is a hard one, as we chatted about long distance relationships a few days ago. Inter-provincial is bad but inter-continental might be a little more tricky . That would need a serious foundation IMO.

What I would do if I was you:

Call her up and ask her if she’s okay. Tell her you care about her enough to swallow your pride and fear of rejection to make this call. Say it hurts to see her this way and you would like to see her again sometime soon for a drink. If she says yes to it then take the opportunity to show that you care and enjoy the time spent together. More than that will be overkill right now.
But you need to heal yourself too. Get the answers you need to make a decision, can’t let her go with a question mark still in our mind. That’ll kill you.

My 2 cents

Wish you the best.

But addyddr u dont understand...

I know she is hurting, and I know she needs to heal herself, and I know she is going back to the uk for 4 months. thats why i told her maybe we should leave *us* for the meantime, until she gets back in november, that way she will have her time, and we can look another look at things in november when she got back.

You are telling me this like this is a random girl i have just met, she has been my best friend for the past 5/6 years
and i dont mean like we saw each other every now and then, We spent all day at high school together, and most times after school aswell.

The Relationships issues isnt new to our stuffed up relationship, but its just never been this bad. We have always spoken freely and told each other our problems.

I dont expect her to randomly just jump into my arms, i dont expect her to ever do that, what is eating me is how she has just pushed me away and cut me off completely. she has basically in a matter of 6hours cut me out of her life completely.

And in reply to lobo... I know the best idea would be to phone her, but i know her well enough to know that she will put the phone down on me, or it will make matters a lot worse.

Look, its not so much the relationship rejection, that i can handle, I have had enough bad relationships to get over this, and that part of things I am over. I never expected her to suddenly just drop everything and ride off into the sunset with me.

I just want my closest friend back

What I was thinking though, is if by the end of july, if i haven't heard from her, send her a sms along the lines of "am i ever going to see you again" or even phoning her.

I think what is getting me is i dont know where I stand with her, does she plan to call me, does she really want to ever see me again, I dont know where I stand with her. I could even accept if she told me to my face "look dave, i dont want ever see u again" or something like that, just so i know where I stand.

Dave I think you missing what I`m trying to say. I remember you speaking about this girl a while ago in another post so no I`m not saying this like it`s just an arb girl. The point I`m trying to make is phone her and sort things out. If she gets onto a plane and flies away you`ll be in an even worse position you are in now. Get the answers you need to get things back on track and work on it from there.

alrighty... lets say I do phone her, what do I say after "I'm great, how u doing?"

It will be rather arb on the phone...

You don`t even say hello. Just say:

`Don`t say a word. Just listen to me for a minute. I care about you and I don`t want to loose what we have over something like this. I know it`s hard for you and I want you to know I`m here, even if I`m 3000miles away. We have something special, don`t throw it away.`

Stop and see what she says. If this means anything to her she`ll want to see you again. If not then Dave you tried and no-one can point a finger at you

She isnt 3000miles away, she is 10km up the road. She came back from the uk last friday, and goes back at the end of july, and then comes back in november to stay and study.

SHE IS HERE, NOT IN THE UK

Well, The phone call will go like "Hi, listen to me for a *deet* *deet* *deet* hello... u still there? *deet* *deet* *deet* SHIT!"

Lol. I know she`s here but when she`s gone back she`ll remember what you said. Trust andy the love doctor...

i hate it when girls use the silent treatment and make it look like u've done them some great harm.... happened to me recently: one moment the girl loves spending time with me and we get along great, the next i can't even get a single reply from her and its bye bye just like that

Addyddr...

Dude... I took your advice.... if u didnt have a gf... i would kiss you

I just spent 45min on a cell phone with her. turns outs to be a huge misunderstanding...

She thought that I wanted to have a relationship with her right at this moment in time... and if u read the sms, the "I cant see you now" doesnt mean she cant physically see me, its that she cant date me right now.

I explained to her that i had no intension of even trying to date her now, because i know she is hurting, and going back to the uk and all. So we both agreed that it would be best to sort things out when she gets back in november.

She also thought that my reply was basically saying that i wanted her out of my life, which obviously it wasnt, So all the shit is sorted out, we going to go out for dinner next week. She told me a lot of the stuff which was on her mind... she burst out crying on the phone... telling me she is so glad i called, because she doesnt even know who her friends are... she tunes "atleast i know ur still there for me"

So yeah, we spoke, she got a lot off her chest (and she has a nice chest to get stuff off ) but thats besides the point. she says she feels a hell of a lot better now.

My Word, U think boyfriend / girlfriend relationships with woman are hard, just a close friendship, now that is hard shit.

We aim to please. Visa, Matercard, cash and bank guaranteed cheques accepted.

Hi Adelante.

I can simpathise(sp?), the same thing happened to me, the only dif was that she just broke up with here bf of 3 years.
Andy your advice was spot on, been thru this have you?

T.I.M that and a lot more...Best (worst) was a bisexual gf who was kissing girls when I went to get her a drink. Let’s say trust is an issue in my life since then Lucky for me I`ve now found someone who is pure, not tainted by society’s sh!t.

damn man you missed your opportunity for a threesome ;-)

And I thank the stars for that.

must be 2 russian women that turned into big russian man as they grew older, therefore no threesome was wanted :/

frodo: unsolicited spammy replies that are off topic, openly offensive and deasigned by their nature to troll will result in deletion and the raising of your warn level. Please do not force us into negative action. Let's try keep the posts constructive?

Thanks

r u serious?

feels like school : (

( at )doovatis

its a case of, I dont come into your bedroom and shit on your bed, all Ninja_Mo is saying is that u mustnt come shit in my topic.

Post deleted in fear of Jewish suicide bombers.

Adelante my initial thought was that there was a huge misunderstanding there in your SMS... besides when you said that she prob thought WTF I just lost a bf and my best friend... what she needed was a friend to speak to and after you guys crossed the line things became very complicated!!! Happened to me

Fishfly: yeah i think we did cross that line.

I am having dinner with her tomorrow night, i told her I need to talk to her, and sort out some stuff, I want to let her know face to face how i feel, what i think of the matter at hand, what i think we should do about it, and i would to get her input aswell.

At the moment there is still some gray area's, which i want sorted out, as u can see, I always look to deep into stuff, so i want everything sorted out, before my mind starts to wonder again.

Oh let us know the outcome! Good luck

i phoned her earlier on today, she seemed to excited to go out tonight, like.. really really excited, it scared me I think this might turn out well, I will let u know what happens.

So where's the update?!

Yeah.. About that...

Ok, here it goes...

The Arrival
I get to her house at around 17:30, phone her, and she tells me she will be a couple of minutes, I wait a while, and she finally comes out. We get into the car. Now I thought we could have a nice evening, we could have some dinner, and then maybe grab go see a movie or go for drinks, or something along those lines....

She no sooner got into the car, when she told me... "Please dont be cross with me..." I ask why, to which she replies "I sort of forgot I was going out with you tonight... so I double booked with Greta (her friend)". So I ask her whats the story, she told me that Greta was going to meet her at 18:30... (this was 18:00 already) So I told her that is cool, i dont mind (Meanwhile I'm thinking to myself "*gee* Now I really feel important".

The Drinks
Go decided to go to go coffee at this place, and we start talking, I told her what I needed to tell her, but she gave me the impression that she was beating around the bush, like she didnt want to deal with the matter directly. I told her how i felt, and that i thought she should go back to the uk, and we rethink stuff when she gets back... I never got a straight answer back from her about this..

Now I was moaning about how she never sms's me, and she told me she had no credit on her phone and stuff. So I was like cool, but 10min later, she starts telling me about the night before when her ex was smsing her, and she was replying and she was telling me what she was replying ect... So I reply.. "What... I thought u didnt have any credit..." She got this dumb look on her face, and just carried on telling me the story, as to have like ignored what I had just said (That is what u call OWNED!)

Then Her friend arrived... this is the part where i should have left, I spent another 2hours sitting... with diane ignoring me flat. they spoke and spoke and spoke like I wasnt even there, eventually i just said that I was going home, chuck down some cash, and got up to leave. Foolishly expecting a "No dont go", but instead i got a "Ok, i will come with you to ur car"


Diane told me she would let me know about friday night, what they were doing, and organise something with me, I told her she wouldnt, she promised she would..
Now, for the past week(s) I am yet to actually get a sms or a call from her when she says she is going to. Also I can sms her, and never get a reply...

I sent her a sms that night, I never got a reply...

The Next Day
The Next day I sms'd her during the day (just something nice) and let her know i would phone her later that night (no reply) that night, I phoned... it just rung... 10min later I phone again... nothing.... 30min later i phone, and her friend (greta) answers the phone, and tells me that Diane isnt with her at the moment, she cant find her... so i'm like "Well, can u get her to send me a missed call" to which she replies "yeah sure... but thats ONLY if i can find her" I'm like:

Needless to say i never got this missed call... In all honesty, I think diane saw me trying to phone her, and gave the phone to greta (yes she would do something like that)

The Day After That
The next day I decided I would just ignore her, so eventually i get a sms from her saying "Sorry about last night... greta couldnt find me" I ignored it, and didnt bother sending anything back. I also decided to what and see if she would sms me about the friday night... yeah you guessed it... she didnt.


Yesterday
I sms'd her saying "Shot, thanx 4 letting me know about friday (like u promised) Atleast I know how UNimportant I am"

I got a sms from her, saying that she had passed her drivers, could I phone her. I ignored it, and eventually she phoned me (I was driving at this time) I told her I would phone her when I got home. I phoned her, gave her a well done. She goes in to tell me "Well U didnt reply to my sms the day before, so I am not running around for u" so I said "Oh, so its cool if u dont reply to my sms's and I must run around for u" she replies "I always reply to your sms's" (I have sent her around 20 sms's, I have gotten 3 replies)

She then started rambling off about some stuff and that, to which i replied "Listen, I got a lot of work to do, i will see u round" I hear take in this deep breathe.. and says "umm... o..k..." I just said bye, and put down the phone. That was yesterday (saturday.. I havent heard anything from her since)


BUT WAIT... THERE'S MORE!!!!!

Things get a bit more complicated now...

The Night we went out for drinks... I got a sms from natalie saying "Dave... I'm comming Home..."

The Background
ok, Now Diane, Natalie and myself were all in school together...
Natalie = one of my ex's... we dated for 14months back in std7, but there has always still been something there between us. we have had a couple of flings since we broke up (5 years ago)
Now Natalie went down to dbn to study and stuff, now she is moving back home, which complicates things...

Why You ASK!!!
Most people wont understand the hidden bond which is between Natalie and myself, when we together, things just happen, we both always seem to loose control and are just drawn towards each other. Now its fine when is in dbn, out of site, out of mind, and she is far away.... but now she is gonig to be here...

I decided I would try very hard to control myself when we go for dinner and stuff. But this sorta fell through... since it already started over sms and phone calls...

I spoke to someone (Rain) about it, and she was telling me I should just let things happen with Natalie, because there is obviously something there, and we both obviously have a special bond...

Oh the Drama
If I had to let things happen between natalie and myself, I think i would loose diane... (if I havent already)
If I go for diane, I think I will wonder what could have been with natalie..

In all Honesty, I know I will be more happy with natalie, and I am really being drawn towards her, but ya... OH THE FREAKING DRAMA!!!!!!

for those who care, and are really into the "Story of my life" I am going out for dinner with natalie on tuesday night

Adelante I think you should write a book, Mills and Boon style or a script for a soapy, because the complications seem never ending.

U know what... I think I might just turn this topic into a Mills and Boon short story

Heh, ja, it would make a good "soapy-like" story indeed.

Here is what I would do, but once again, this is not to give advice...

Go for dinner with Natalie, and even be honest with her about the issues happening with the other chick, and hear what she has to say...

As for the other "UK" chick... I dunno... she seems a tad disrespectful really, like ignoring you at dinner... Perhaps you should ask her why she did that, Adelante... I would (then again, I am not giving advice here, so feel free to ignore me).

Err... I had soem other stuff to say, can't remember what exactly. Sorry.

Well.. diane and natalie arent exactly the greatest of friends (because i am in the middle)

I spoke with a mate of mine on saturday, now he has known them aslong as I have, and he knows all the background behind this..

he says "it seems like diane is thinking... ok in the past, you didnt want me, so now I'm going to stuff you around" and he thinks she doesnt know what to do, since I just stopped sms'ing her.

Its scary, everything I think of Nats (Natalie) i get this smile on my face. and some of the sms's lately... umm. ya...

On saturday night, i was drinking some coke, and i read this one sms, and i started chocking... it went like..

She Sent: "What we going to do when I get back"
Me Sent: "What Would you like to do when you get back?"
She Sent: "You..."

at which point I didnt know what to say, so 10min later:
She Sent: "Why so quiet?"
Me Sent: "How do I reply to something like that?"
She Sent: "U say, "How about dinner Nats - I need to carbo load first""
Me Sent: "Dinner sounds good "

so yeah, there is obviously something there, I think what I like about Nats, is she doesnt beat about the bush, if she likes u, she will tell u, she is very transparent in that respect, she doesnt do the whole mind games thing (which I think diane is trying to play with me)...

Adelante, think to yoursel why exactly fo you want to be with this Diane?
Is it because she is like a childhood sweetheart and you think you are meant for each other? Is it because she's hot? Is it because she gives good head?

It cant be because you enjoy talking to her, because from what I've seen you two just get spiteful and resentful with each other.
She doesnt sound like she has a very nice personality, so seriously.

Youre gonna be a lot happier if you go with Natalie. Trust me, go with what will make you happy. Think about spending a whole day with someone fighting over how little she sms's you or how much she ignores you.

Quite honestly I dont see one single reason for you to go with Diane over Natalie.

Just my thoughts.

You wouldnt, because You dont know the history between Diane and myself.

When her and I are together (alone), things are perfect, we dont fight, I just think that with all that has been going on lately, there is just a bit of tension there. It will either get sorted with time, or by a screaming match (which is pretty common between her and myself)

She is hot.
She gives awesome head.
If I had to discribe my perfect woman, i would end up discribing her.

Maybe it's me but it's a tad crude..............i think

I mean you're looking for this love of your life and you sum it up like that ?

Wahahahaha this must be a joke rite???

Well in my honest opinion adelante you should maybe go speak to Diane regarding your position in her life, I think this is the best thing to do... Do not speak about what would happen when she gets back from the UK but instead speak about what would happen now till she leaves. If she is playing games with you then you need to be frank with her and let her know how much you really care about her but this will not hold you back from finding someone in your life as you are not prepared to wait for something that will mean very little to you...



As you have described your feelings towards her (Diane) it seems like when you two are together you move off into another reality and forget what's here in the real world and the real issues at hand - that is the fact that she has just lost a bf and quite possibly you (her good/best friend).



This here seems like Greta might be causing some of the problems with you and Diane. It could be quite possible that she has told Greta her problems and she has given some advice about you two which has put some doubt into her mind as she is quite frigile at this point in time and any advice other than her own would deviate her emotions. - NOTE this is just my speculation.



If these are your responses to Natalie then it's merely a sexual desire for her. Tread carefully.

Hey adelate what's the outcome? come one update plz

Hey

Yeah a lot has happened...
The Quick Story
Natalie and I went to dinner, and as expected, things happened between us...

I felt so wierd on wedensday, that i didnt hear from her until friday again, where she asked me if i wanted to come with her to monte casino on saturday. I replied with yes, and on saturday (around lunch) we went to monte...

I then suddenly realised how much i enjoyed being with natalie, that night we went out with some old friends from school, and had a great evening, I spent the whole of sunday together with her, and i spent last night with her aswell.

Good Ol Diane
I never heard from diane for a while, until last night when she sent me a sms asking if i would come to her fairwell dinner, I didnt reply... Now she has been acting very bitchy to me, and I have gotten the impression that now since she has lost all this weight, and does modeling, she has developed this ego about herself, and i think she feels she is to good for me.

Anyways, she phoned me today, to find out if i was going to go, so I replied with
"Can I bring my girlfriend with"

there was this like silence on the phone for about 30sec or so, and she replied "yeah, sure..."

so tomorrow night I am going to this dinner, I dont really want to go, I spoke to natalie about it, and she says she doesnt mind going (she knows the past story with diane).

Cut a long story short
to cut the long story short, natalie and I are now going out, on sunday when i was with her, i felt so at peace, I havent felt like that in a long long time. I am very happy at the moment, but will it be a bit short live?....

Good things never seem to last
Natalie studied to be a shef, and she makes awesome food, now she is currently look for a job, but it looks like she might get this awesome job at a hotel which is far from where we live. I have told her that I would stop her from going, I want her to be happy, and the best for her, but deep down, i hope that she doesnt go, I am not amped for heart break again... but only time will decided the outcome of this one...

hmmmm good with natalie, only not good to play diane with the whole GF story.

Shoulda just let her go not knowing anything, now she's prob thinkin you doing this just to get back at her. Which from what I read doesn't seem true OR ARE YOU?

nah, ofcourse its not true.

We went to Diane's Fairwell last night, which was pretty cool, surprisingly there was no tension, diane was surprised obviously, but everything seemed cool...

Now things with natalie get a little complicated, since because of the industry which she is in (a Chef) she has gotten this new job, which is pretty far from where I stay, so are just going to have to see what happens, we both decided we not ampped on the whole long distance thing.

man i havent posted in here for a while

Update:
about 2 weeks ago I told Natalie to duck, which will be explained as i go along, and then i got a surprise the other night.

The Gap in between
Well Natalie took the Head Chef job, and since it was sort of midway between home and work, i would go there twice a week, and stay over.
This Started off ok, she is/was working from 6am to 9pm every single day, so to spend time with her, i would like have to do shit in the kitchen, but it wash the floor, or wash dishes, or whatever. But I did this so i could spend time with her. by around 9, she would be so tired, she would just go to bed (not much in the way of conversation ) and then i found out that one of her ex's phoned her up, and asked her if she wanted to with him for his Grad Party, and then boozing afterwards. To which she said yes, two days later, her ex phoned her up (now her ex, just left her, no phone calls, no nothing) he told her he wanted to take her out for dinner and drinks, so they could talk things over... she also accepted for this.

She asked me if i was cool with it, to which i said i wasnt, and her reply is something I will never forget:
Well thats fine, i actually dont care if u are cool with it or not, i'm still going
I was so taken back by this. On top of that, she made previsions so that she could have those nights off from work (it was amazing how i had to do so much just to spend time with her, and these guys come along, and she drops everything and makes time for them)

After those two nights, she started acting wierd and shit, so I told her to duck (Well actually we went out after work one night, and that whole night she said shit all to me, so when we got back to where she was staying, i asked her if she is going to be like this the whole night, because if so, i might aswell go home, and she just replied "Well, drive safe" and then she slammed my car door...

now those who know me, know u dont diss my car, let alone abuse it... after slamming my door, she dropped her cell phone... needless to say: Car vs Cell phone, Car wins. and I just drove off, i havent heard from her since.

The Surprise
I got a sms the other night from diane, which said "Dave, u know i will always love u"
and then she phoned me, and we spoke, she like confussed her undieing love for me, and was crying and saying how she should have taken her chance with me when she was out here and all this crap.

What did I reply? "oh thats nice"
I told her if she comes back we can see what happens, but i am not getting my hopes up, and i am not setting myself up to get owned again.

oh just by the by....

Natalie left me with her email password (big mistake) I found a email of her's she had gotten the morning of the night i broke up with her, it tunes
"So tell me about yourself, what do you do , do you have a picture of yourself, if not describe yourself

Cheers for now

Brent


I couldnt find what she had sent back, but damn this chick knows how to pimp herself out.

HAHAHAAHAHAHAAHA! That made my day!

Hmm... did you try analysing why Natalie would display such shitty behaviour, Adelante? I mean, you two were best friends at one point, innit?

SadisticLobotomy: she has some stuff happen to her in the past which has given her a "I dont give a shit about anyone" attitude, she doesnt care if she hurts someone or not.

well then im only sorry you didn't own her with the door when she bent to go for the phone

Good luck with Diane.

By the by:



That is illegal I just hope she doesn't happen across this thread.

Cheers

cyfermaster:

/care

Dude, I think you should still try be her friend and try help her to come right. Obviously something that happend has affected her, and you as a GOOD(once apon a time) friend should try help her out. Seems to me that she is 'crying' out for help.







hmmm... I wonder why? haha

Later

1st rule of trying to understand women : Dont try and understand them


women get involved with the hope of chainging their men and they dont.
men get involved with the hope that their women dont change and they do.

Hear, hear.

And any man who claims to understand women is either gay, or a liar - or os I have read, so dont me please.