Hi all

So this I guess is my part 2 of `Love` I posted a while ago.

I`ve met this amazing girl who just happens to live 1500KM away from me (although it feels like a different dimention). We met here on PM and I spontantiously decided one day to get onto a plane and take the 2 hour flight to meet her and see what might happen. Well I left on Friday 4th June and was planning on staying until the Sunday but as things worked out I only came back yesterday (almost two weeks later).

The time we spent together was great and the goodbye lastnight was bitter to say the least. On the plane I got to chat to someone for the first time outside of the `circle` and she was telling me how lucky we both are etc but then also mentioned long distance as being a serious problem.

Now that I`m back in CT it feels like this can`t work. As if the distance is going to kill it and although NOTHING bad has happened it just feels like it can`t work. Anyone out there who has had a long distance relationship please give me some advice on how to make this work as it`s my first long disatnce realtionship ever.

well andrew, i could tell you how unlucky you are but the truth is..you are not .

if you have met someone you feel this way about and who returns those feelings then you only have to decide how far you reckon this relationship could go if circumstances werent an issue and evaluate what lengths you are willing to go to make it work.

i'm not going to feed you the naive 'love will overcome everything crap' because it doesnt,i have personally found that long distance relationships dont work, people change and have other experiences and tend to grow slowly apart. this is however my experience and may be different for you so if you are willing to try then do so by all means as many people have managed it succesfully.

i reckon that if you truly feel so strongly for this person the one of you is going to have to make the sacrifice of relocation otherwise i fear the relationship will slowly fade

just my opinion and its based on the assumption of you and her looking for a long term relationship

Couldn't agree more.

My marriage bombed out due to the amount of time I spent away from home, I'd sometimes see the wife & kids once a week or even once every two weeks.

So what I'm trying to say is, if being married doesn't guarantee that a long distance relationship will work out, how would it work out if one or both of you are not prepared to make the sacrifice of relocation.

I too have found long term relationships don't work. I think at the end of the day you have to decide where the relationship is going and, if the situation warrants, be a man and take a risk. Just before i moved to London i met a wonderful women and started a relationship. 4 Months later i was back in Durbs and 3 years later i was married. Going on 2 years now and loving it! Unfortunately its all about risk and personal choice but i really feel that most long term relationships are doomed...its just a matter of time. Sorry to be a pessimist and maybe you guys are different!

Also (And i know this is difficult!!) don't let hormones, urges, and media rule your decisions. We are all so easily controlled by chemicals and even now when i am going away on a long business trip i always make sure i get laid first!

Hey There!

Well, Well never thought that these memories would return...

The honest Truth is that Long Distances Relationships Aren't Easy But they can work...

Myself i've had one that lasted 9months & one that ended after 2weeks! So yes it can go both way's...

The one of 9months ended because she was in the USA for a year & the fact that we didn't see each other for 6months with another 7months to go was too much for her...

But you are 1500km apart, witch is as you said 2hours flight or just a bit more than a day's drive, sure it's gonna cost money but if you go one month you one month her then you can see each other once a month & make Kalula rich *BIG SMILE* Another thing that kept us from seing each other was that i didn't have fixed income then so i couldn't save up to go & visit her...

A friend of myne was in a long distance relationship he moved closer after about a year & halve & now they own a house & they are planning on getting married! They wen't through Rough times, where they nearly broke-up but i don't know what kept them toughter, call it LOVE...

So Yes, it takes a lot more work than a normal relationship but it can be done...

I also think like all the guy's before, you must think hard about where you want to go with this relationship & how serious you're hoping to get & YES AT SOME POINT ONE OF YOU WILL HAVE TO MAKE A SACRIFICE & MOVE CLOSER...

my feeling is, if the love is strong enough to overcome the long distance, then it should be strong enough to overcome living in different cities...

I'm sorry, I would love to say it can work, and I believe that with the right personalities it can, but the figures are against you mate. I hope it works out, just dont get too attached to where you are. The real dream of love is being able to chase it wherever it runs...

I think enigma covered it pretty well, what it essentially comes down to is what you are willing to put in and give up for the relationship. That is what will decide everything.

I met a girl 6 months before she left to go and do a 4 year degree at rhodes. We had a blast thinking we would just go our seperate ways when it came time for her to leave as we had both been in kak relationships before and did'nt want anything with restrictions. The time came for her to leave and I subsequently endured a 2 year long distance relationship that nearly broke every tendon of sanity that I had available. In the end, after personal tragedy prevented further study she moved back to JHB and we have now been going out for 4 years and are busy buying a house together. Nevertheless to say I am still in love and extremely happy.

This one worked out for me but to be honest I do not think I could or would put myself through that kind of emotional stress ever again. So I guess we are back to the question, what are you willing to cope with for the sake of love?

long distance relationships dont work, or very seldom work.

simply because to have a proper relationship, u need to see, touch and smell the person you are inlove with. the reason "long distance" relationships last a long time, and because u never see the other person, so dont usually have things to fight about. The problem comes in when u do now suddenly start see'ing a lot of one another, that is when u realise that this person isnt right for you.

a real relationship is not based on sms's phone calls and emails, its based on being able to hold the person, touch them, comfort them and be with them.

Well my gf and I have been going out for 2 years and 1 month now. and I must say when we got together I was still studying down in PE while she stayed up in JHB so we did the long distance thing... and I must say it's something of a Expensive thing... Phone bills, cell phone bills and the flights plus the drives up to JHB was impossible!

But I perservered knowing that I would be moving up to JHB after the year ended, but even so things were very difficult, we argued each and every day we saw each other... To the point where we almost left everything. Thank goodness we still together. Plus she's help me though so many changes and diffculities this past year.

I am surely grateful we are still together!

saying together over distance is easy, staying together when see'ing the person everyday is something else.