Im confused, and not easily but maybe someone (from a guys side) can explain this to me in away that I can understand.

My ex and I broke up a week ago after being together for over a year.
Mainly because he was depressed, had major financial problems and because of all this, couldent handle being in a relationship aswell. He said he felt emotionless.

I was upset by the breakup and really tried hard to be understanding thinking well maybe after awhile, we will see what happens and maybe its for the best. Time apart, gives people time to grow. You know the saying, "you love something, set it free, if it comes back to you, it is yours, if it doesent, it never was."

Well today he openly advertised how he "didnt score on his date" last night. Unbelievable!

Am I missing something here?

He wanted out of the relationship, but didnt want to come out and say it to your face, so he used the "I dont have time for a relationship" excuse.

yeah he was to much of a coward to break it off without a lame excuse

the fact that he is telling you about not scoring tells me that he is either not over you, and that he is looking for a way to broach the subject of reltionship with you, or he has a lousy sense of humour. I think the latter.

My advice, in fact, plea to you is, dont feel bad about this guy. It was the end of something good, but the beginning of something so much better. Move on, he sounds like a turd and he's treating you badly.

PM does not like guys like that. Want us to 'delete his life account'?

Yep he had to use some lame ass excuse to break up

You have set him free, if he comes back punch him in the face repeatedly

Alex... after reading most of your relationship replies, I'm surprised you havent written a book titled "How to be a Woman God" by Alax Ninja_Mo.

Ok so I don't have a man's perspective but i just had to reply and say:
Insensitive, inconsiderate. Whatever issues he's having don't seem to justify that.

Ninjo Mo..I like the way you think and since he is a member of this site, deleting him would be my first choice!

But Im better than that, thankfully I have a awesome bunch of guys to chat to and spell the truth out for me, telling me the things I already know...

What you are saying is probably "hitting the nail on the head" kinda thing...

but mostly I feel stupid because there was times when I could have packed it in, my friends said getout but love kept me in, so "DUMBASS" is firmly written on my forehead...

I'm Opening myself for a lot of flaming here but just to drive it home i'm going to say this:

From a guys point of view that's done this before (you feel more like a friend to me the last couple of weeks route) HE WANTED OUT & DIDN'T HAVE THE BACK BONE TO COME OUT & TELL I STRIGHT!!!

I really do regret not telling her at that point stight what the deal was, but i did tell her a couple of months later when we talked again... After she told me what it did to her mentaly i'll never do it to someone again, i'll rather tell the truth & hurts more but the pain goes away quiker...

Don't Beat Yourself Up Over Him It's Not Worth It...

Thats Because Puppy Love is real to a puppy.

ie: Love Blindsides u from the bad things in a relationship, I know, I've been there, and after a break up you always feel bad, and the funny thing is when ur feeling bad, you only ever remember the good times you had. Which makes you feel even worse.

But give it time, Nothing fixes a broken heart better than time

I'm sorry you experienced that, and having been in a seven year marriage to a man "too depressed" to do anything but loaf in front of the TV, I can understand your frustrations. If you read between the lines you wrote, you'll see the pain, the heartache, NOT of having lost him, but of what he put you through. Might I suggest something? Get rid of the baggage, and start living for you.

Look, you want to be happy? Its up to you. Your happiness is your moral obligation, not your companions. This was a very profound realization I came to about three-four years back, in the midst of a very painful relationship; painful, because I loved his mind, but hated his indolence. I'm still impressed at how he can easily shirk his responsibilities with a mere "I'm depressed" declaration, as though that somehow absolves him of his obligations. Note that such individuals blame everyone else for their problems, seeming to forget that their blight in life is their fault. How many productive professionals bitch and moan that life is not fair? To hell with fair. You want something, you've got to go get it. Waiting for a break, a chance, for someone to open the door, is like trying to run a race from sitting on the fence. Only when you actively pursue your best interests do doors open, opportunities arise. Nothing happens on its own. Success can be measured by the deliberate planning and action of a productive mind.

As far as understanding this perspective... Do you really want to? I mean, don't you want to live a happier life? Ask yourself, as I remember having to ask myself, were you really happy? Reading between the lines, its clear you weren't. Don't you think you deserve a man who is your intellectual, philosophical, and practical equal? And moreover, why do you torture yourself to associate with a guy who would tell you about scoring or not scoring after having had a committed relationship with him? Frankly, I just couldn't. I value myself too much to subject myself to that kind of pain and humiliation.

Come on, girl. Rational selfishness is NOT a sin.

BadBoyTazz...

You are so right and you know what, I realised last night that I made the fatal mistake of doing what all people do after breakups...

After having dinner with friends and a couple of drinks last night, I got home and was completely alone and my mind started working overtime...

I then sent him a sms about how much I missed him (which I felt was the right thing to do at the time) and he replied and said he felt the same way
BUT the minute I wanted to talk about us (BIG DOOR SLAMMING SHUT)
He said sorry that he cant talk about us and that he needs to be alone. Puke!

LOL! ...I have to laugh at myself because I should have known better
Anyway I needed the extra kick up the ass to just walk away and thats what Im going to do, life is too short to waste it...

Yana...I am a very strong person with a outgoing personality and so many of my friends said to me afterwards that they were suprised I stuck it out as long as I did because they new about the problems we were having.

When somebody says that they have no life because they had to sell there BMW there's a "Big clue", when somebody says that they have a problem with your weight (and Im not skinny but Im not the size of a house either) there's a "Big clue"...

I just gave everything of myself including changing myself to suit this persons requirements and there were times when I was just so unhappy, but you think that if you can stick through all the hard times, you can make it through anything.

At least I can count on you guys being completely honest, and I appreciate that because I need to hear it...

you could always let us know what his nick is so we can flame him

Awww! Now that's true friendship. LOL.



AngelatHeart, hang in there. At least you recognize your worth, and are trying to move on. I know it hurts, and its true that knowing the truth can be a bitch, nor does it change that you did feel something for him at one time. Fortunately, time is a miracle healer. Maybe take up that new interest you've been thinking about. I'm telling you, devoting yourself to your passion (i.e. writing, reading, etc.), is the best medicine for any heartache. I wish you all the best.

Thanks, but I am always the person to react to a situation and think later.
Im not out to hurt him, even if Im the one who got hurt.

I respond emotionally and I dont want to be like that because you ended up doing stupid things.

But I appreciate the offier

thank you Yana. I'm devoting more time to me because I spent so much time putting other people needs and interests first.

So I've made a list of what I want to achieve and Im gonna go for it!

I'm so happy to hear it. Oooh, a make over party would be really fun just about now. Maybe even some shopping. I love buying a new slinky dress after a break up. Reminds me I'm a woman that can be sexy sometimes. hehe

Lol, from what I've read in this Mars & Venus section the majority of the posts are made to do just that (albeit in most cases the person who's emotions are being belittled/undermined are not usually PM members)

"you love something, set it free, if it comes back to you, its meant to be, if it doesent, it never was."

I find this and incredibly senseless and reckless approach to a relationship. Sorry If I am treading on toes here but that is no way to prove anything. Especially when throwing words like "love" into the equation.

Love is one of those "big" four letter words...

I once dated some one who lived by this same mindless pseudo - philosophy and it drove me up the wall! I found her reckless, impulsive and way too manic depressive for my patience levels.

Ok, from expierience and possible at the risk of being flamed on Andy's behalf.

I think that it isn't right for any one to judge Andy coz we don't know the whole story. There are always two sides to every relationship story and they very rearly match up.

(I have learn't this the hard way way too often)

Andy made a decision which he thought would be better for you both. Showing that he did actually care for you enough to let you go. That gesture in itself should be proof enough that he had your best interests at heart as well.

Break-ups are never easy. And people are often left with questions that never get answered. The thing is, you have to think about what the other person was thinking or going through and try to understand it from their point of view at that point in time.

Now onto this word "love"

This is a word that gets thrown around way too often and way too soon for my liking. I do not know what you guys felt for each other but I am gonna give you my take on that word.

I personally get sick to my stomach when ever a new girl tells me that she loves me or is "falling in love with me" after a few weeks or months. Reason being, she doesn't really know me in such a short space of time.

I never told my gf that I loved her until maybe 2 years into the relationship. By then she knew me inside out. My good points, my bad points - the light and the dark side.

After we split I was reeling - I couldn't believe it. So many questions that even to this day have never been answered

After a time I met some one else that I was interested in and in week 2 - "I love you"

My response was: "No, you don't - coz you barely know me"
A fair enough point as she had only seen me like 4 times.

Naturally that was kinda the end of that.

I seem to get the impression that I am old fashioned and am the only person who thinks this way. Who ever really knows.

I am different now and maybe over the years have matured because I can tell my fiance that I love her like 1000 times a day and it still doesn't seem enough.

Hmmm, after reading the date of the last post I might be dragging an old issues back up - but I'll add my 2c woth any how.

yeh old issues...

both party has left pm now.

Case closed.