A good woman is proud.
She respects herself and others.
She is aware of who she is.
She neither seeks definition from the person she is with,
nor does she expect them to read her mind.
She is quite capable of articulating her needs.
A good woman is hopeful.
She is strong enough to make all her dreams come true.
She knows love, therefore she gives love.
She recognizes that her love has great value and must be reciprocated.
If her love is taken for granted, it soon disappears.
A good woman has a dash of inspiration
and a dabble of endurance.
She knows that she will at times have to inspire
others to reach the potential God gave them.
A good woman knows her past,
understands her present and forces toward the future.
She knows that the world is her playground.
A good woman does not live in fear of the future because of her past.
Instead, she understands that her life experiences
are merely lessons meant
To bring her closer to self-knowledge and unconditional self-love...

That`s the elusive `perfect` woman. If anyone spots this breed please let me know. But without being sarcasit you just don`t get this kind of quality anymore in woman. Most girls I`ve met in CT are the way off the mark.

I think all of us women have similar traits, otherwise we couldn't relate to such a woman. I love the list...but...

The only contradiction I see is the "unconditional self love" portion. The concept of "self love" is very abstract, and requires some concretization. I think its better to say that women of solid mind and personality (meaning, a woman with an objective philosophy) is a woman of worth, because she see the world as valuable as her own life, which in itself is great. She knows the value that you can't have your cake and eat it too.

Now, take into account that a person's personality (involving emotions) is dictated by what she puts into her head (what she studies, thinks about, intellectualizes). Because, she won't care about it, if she doesn't know its value. This process is done with the mind, not the heart. For instance, you won't care that someone stole your favorite bracelet, or your awesome stereo system, if you didn't internalize intellectually the value of gold/silver, gems, the quality of sound from your excellent subwoofer, etc. These things are determined through the thinking process. Once the value is established in your head, your emotions follow. This is also true in relationships. Its through the process of getting to know a person, finding the commonalities and character traits that one values in another person that a healthy love develops. Love at first sight does NOT exist. Its LUST at first sight. You're merely projecting the ideal in your head when you see that person. They may look the part, but you don't know that person from Adam. You might get lucky, and he/she might end up being the best thing that ever happened to you, but, if you notice, it doesn't occur until you get to know them, meaning you must think about the pros/cons and see if they're a match. Yep, you must THINK about it.

I think its interesting that many guys say that women are creatures far removed from any objectivity. Its true that many women, as many men, harbor many confusing, contradictory philosophies, thus the pain in many relationships (believes in doing things for herself, however feels obligated to give her last nickle to a bum for fear of not being generous or altruistic. See the blatant contraction there?). Once contradictions are resolved, its much easier to be the "perfect" man or woman. You're not riddled with conflicts in your head, pulling you into a vicious internal battle. And, do you know who wins in those internal battles? Divorce lawyers, soothsayers, religions who take your appeasement money, and all those wonderful therapist that charge $120/hr (yeah, that's American money, so multiply that times 6.5R).

What does that leave us with?

We go about bitching and moaning that the opposite sex doesn't understand us (no wonder), and that life is unfair (go figure). All the while, we're the perpetrators of our own doom. I know. I was once there myself. It took A LOT of hard work to figure this one out. Since then, life is easier, I'm happier (even as an athiest, folks), and things are going my way (yeah, I really do mean that). My philosophy? Be objective at all costs. Its the only way to be true to yourself, thus being true to everyone else, including a partner.

Well, that is my two cents tome.

i have met one or two very similar to this, but they are like the quagga, almost extinct

YANA is completely correct

Interesting that Shakespeare has been preaching it since whatever century...

the 16th century, Alex.


Interesting comparison T.I.M. LOL. I haven't heard that one before.

Hmmm I suppose the perfect woman (in my dreams) is like the perfect man, they just don't exist.

But then again wheres the fun in perfection, its the flaws that make people who they are and life interesting.

The perfect person is someone who has flaws but you love those flaws as much or even more than their perfections

Yana, the term quagga comes from the stellenboach downhill mountain biking community, it was coined when there was only one maby two girls racing downhill and they competed very rarely, so the term quagga was used to descibe them, i just changed it cause most people believe that the quagga is exctinct but there is one (i think the second one died) in captivity (breeding project).
I think its rareness decribes the perfect woman (or man) brilliantly.

I agree with you T.I.M., regarding the imperfections. I love Megafox to bits. So much so I simply don't see any imperfections, because I love everything about him. Of course, partially because he IS so perfect, but regardless, faults or not, I love that man and would follow him through hell and back again. Also, thank you for the info. I'm not from So. Africa, nor do I live there, so I don't have the local perspective.


I don't think its about finding the perfect person, but the person perfect for you.

Perfection is an end, not a beginning. Flaws allow for evolution, for change- often a change for the better that inevitably an outsider would consider, again, to be flawed but you know/feel/etc to be 'better' (a term that wouldnt exist in a perfect state).

Besides, who could date a 'perfect' woman/man, especially if they believe themselves to be perfect? Perfection=complete=equals no need for another.

When you settle for less (than perfect), you end up with more.

That's a very interesting perspective, one inwhich is shared by many idealistic Americans here. I disagree with your premise, as it fosters the concept of accepting a substandard mate.

The truth is, you should shoot for the best you can get. Why? Because settling for less equals misery. How can I possibly know that? Because I settled for less twice, thinking that I could work with their faults over time (meaning, I could work around them, or accept them after time). Truth is, you don't. Marriage is a very complex thing. You MUST determine precisely what you want in a mate and seek that person. I've been married twice. I settled for imperfections that almost destroyed me, literally. I abdicated my happiness in the end, my development as a human being with an intelligent mind. I had to forego all the pleasures I should have been able to enjoy because of their faults. Sorry, but the concept of embracing more faults as a means of getting more out of a person just is another way of trying to raise the status of indolence and incompetence. I accept neither now.

Sorry to be so harsh, but I'm quite passionate on the subject. Its one thing to have faults, its an entirely different thing to praise those faults as honorable and noble. Nobility is measured by the respectable character of a human being. Give me a man who follows a strict code of ethics (no, not religion, but an objective philosophy that encourages productivity), and I'll show you a god among men.

Yana, Stellenbosch is about 50km's from Cape Town, slap bang in the middle of great wine country, its basically a student town cause Stellenbosch University owns 70% of the town.
Just for interests sake.

Wine country AND its a University town?! I like it already. LOL.

Very interesting. Makes me want to move there. hehe.

its the best place to have a jol, meet new people, get horribly pissed and study

Never mind all that, not to mention that it's one of the oldest towns in the county and the scenery is to die for...

Horribly pissed and study doesn't work to well

But ye, I must agree with anime, its a very nice place. And they seem to have a lot of health food shops around, but they have got cheapish and good food

A few things to be noted. One, I both respect your position and meant no offense to the incidents of your past. Two, this post was more aimed at men/women who only settle for perfection [aka the pop-culture movie Boomerang], and set those standards of perfection based upon set behaviour standards and body standards. Three, my perspective that gave rise to my position comes from both my own history and my Taoist roots [we hatez this idea of 'perfection' ]. I have had plenty of friends and family who aimed for less, as you did, and either ended up with more or as sadly as happened to you, ended up almost destroying themselves. I'm not arguing for accepting less because you believe that you only deserve less/ need less/ 'insert flawed reason here', but rather dont set standards which you yourself could not live up to, especially if those standards hide other qualities which you yourself did not look for in the first place, but rather finding aspects that become just as valuable/ needed as qualities you never knw you needed, but come to be valued for what they are.



So you shouldnt, and wont. My point was towards a standard that removes the tunnel vision from people eyes, not for accepting a 'substandard mate'. I cannot and will not abide the positions of 'standards of perfection', the gloss and photoshop of modern media [of which many people I know base their standards of beauty/ attraction/ what they 'could' love]. People are complex phenomena, my point is against limiting your standards but rather having a complex standard that fits complex people in complex situations



Do not be ashamed at being passionate/harsh , but rather embrace it as a quality that sets you apart from the 'frozen face, blazing eyes crowd' [ie: they agree verbally with what you are saying, yet you can see in their eyes they cannot abide with what they are agreeing to]. I cannot STAND the folk of 'Janus'. In other words, I love a good debate I hope I have brought across some of the meaning of what I must admit was a pseudo-cryptic post, and perhaps cleared the air a little?

Anime & Methias, when were you in Stellies last or are you local???

Was there in Oct. last year.

I have moved to Namibia, but still take any given opportunity to get down to the Western Cape where my heart belongs. Please believe me after living in this sh*thole of sand, sand and more sand... anything with trees and water is like arriving at the gates of heaven...

Where abouts in Namibia are you?

It is a beautiful country to drive thru, went there a year and a half ago.

W1D0WM( at )K3R, I took no personal offense. As I mentioned, I am passionate on the subject. I do note that your definition of perfection is in relation to the superficial concept of perfection. I must confess, I think I've met only a few people in my life that fall under that category. It seems most of everyone has a grasp of what is real and what isn't. True, some get caught up in the hype, however, when it comes down to it, most folks are looking for something substantial in a mate, however, most don't introspect enough to determine precisely what that substantial thing is. Funny thing too is the common thread that seems to allude these individuals--to not clearly define character traits desired in a mate (i.e. level of intelligence, philosophical commonalities, temperament, etc.), they are bound to end up with someone loaded with contradictions, kinda like a staunch christian that doesn't believe in the existence of hell. The irrational arguments vehemently spewed by such individuals has the legitimacy of the O.J. Simpson's courtroom glove act. If it don't fit, you must deny it! Well, you get the gist.

It all comes down to that intellectual indolence I mentioned. Perfection is somewhat subjective, but only in the sense of what a person's true values are. If you value the mind, than a person of great erudition is the only mate of choice. Philosophy plays a very large part in it. I myself am an athiest, and to me, perfection is in the development of a man's mind, reaching such intellectual productivity that he cannot keep himself from living his dreams. Its those that loose themselves in their passion (most likely their work) and create something that improves the lives of people that are the true heroes in my book. I don't worship men like Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise. I worship men like the engineers that built the Hoover Dam, or designed the first viable fuel cell. Its the men of the mind and industry that I go ga-ga over. Why not religious types? Too many contradictions. I'm not in any way an altruist.

BTW, no worries, as you didn't offend me. I'm glad to know I didn't snub your nose in.

Anime, I totally understand. I lived in the high desert here in California (funny, folks don't know that Southern California is one big desert--Star Wars desert scenes were filmed in our Mojave Desert, which consequently was only 20 minutes from where I lived in the high desert). It was like living in a sand box. Every day I dusted, the grit got into my eyes and mouth, my skin was dry constantly, and I was in a perpetual state of sweat. Needless to say, when I moved back down to Orange County (30 minutes from downtown Los Angeles), it was like moving into a tropical paradise. I love Orange County, home to the Huntington Beach (And the Beach Boys too ). I love the beach, the sunsets, and the well terraformed planned landscapes all paid by association fees from homeowners (yeah, people actually have to pay association fees above mortgages here, and average house prices are over $800,000 American dollars. Just multiply that with 6.5 and you'll get that in rand). Even so, its beautiful here. I love the multi-cultural environment (we have hispanics, which yours truly is, middle-easterners, asians--lots of asians, europeans, and that itty-bitty minority known as caucasions, all mixed together into a wonderful fruit salad of a culture, where we all converge on such locals as Hard Rock Cafe and Tommy's Chili Burgers, where an obese asian with a foo-man-choo mustache, balding head with long wirey hair, holding a cleaver grimaces at you with a blood stained apron, asking how you want your burger. One word of advise if you ever venture into Los Angeles and head over to Tommy's. Don't ever ask for a burger without chili. You might as well have been one of the guys that instigated the Twin Towers fiasco.

Well, that's my tome.

Anime, the problem is people look for "PERFECTION" and forget about the inner qualities of a good women as you have mentioned.

Respecting yourself, is not only about outer beauty but also about accepting yourself for who you are and it's difficult for most women to do that especially if the man you are with, has their own expectations. I have never been a skinny blonde but I have always made the effort to look my best and love myself for who I am but again to get a man to recognise those qualities is not easy.

Very true and I agree 100 % with u AngelatHeart !