I recently found this on another forum, and I want your honest opinion on the matter. Please, honest heartfelt answers, and if you have any girlfriends, tell them to come check it out. Anyone who knows YANA and other prominent PMLadies personally, please get them here. Anyone who knows Adelante's Athena, please contact her as well.

This is a list of the 26 things the perfect guy would do. your thoughts please?

1. Know how to make you smile when you are down.

2. Try to secretly smell your hair BUT you always notice.

3. Stick up for you but still be respectful of your independence.

4. Give you the remote control during the game.

5. Come up behind you, put his arms around you, squeeze you tightly against his chest, and whisper softly into your ear

6. Play with your hair.

7. His hands will always find yours.

8. Be cute when he really wants something.

9. Offer you plenty of massages.

10. Dance with you even if he feels like a dork.

11. Never run out of love.

12. Be funny, but knows when to be serious.

13. Realize he's being funny when he needs to be serious.

14................ Be patient when you take forever to get ready.

15. React so cutely when you hit him and it actually hurts.

16. Smile alot.

17. Plan a romantic date full of cheesy things he wouldn't normally do just b/c he knows it means alot to you.

18. Appreciate you.

19. Help others out.

20. Drive 5 hours just to see you for 1.

21................ Always give you a peck on the cheek when you depart from each other's company- even when friends are watching.

22. Sing even if he can't

23. Have a creative sense of humor.

24. Stare at you.

25. Call for no reason

26. Quit smoking, chewing loudly, drinking, or drugs just b/c he loves you enough to quit!!

thanks

P.S.

Guys are free to post as they wish, but let me add a little disclaimer here, the first post that does not take this thread seriously, and comes in here to slander romantic people or cause shit is going to suffer my personal disfavour. This is a serious topic for me, and I would appreciate if it was replied as such, thanks

damn :(

maddox made an article about these exact questions. Since i dont want to upset alex i wont post it here, but i'll put in a link to the article.

http://maddox.xmission.com/26_things.html

Thought I saw this somewhere... think Valheru also posted something like this in the off topic section...



This would really have to apply to me... GF always take the remote from me to watch Bold/Days.

plus gf hair smells amazing

27. Have a nice meal ready when she comes home from a hard day at the office.

28. Make her a nice bubblebath

29. Send her flowers to the office now and again even though it's not a special occasion

30. Look after her when she is sick

Yeah dawg, I saw the maddox one. I laughed at some of them.

but then again, maddox just blasts stuff for humour. So dont worry, wont get angry

Im curious to hear though if anyone does this sort of thing, does it work (as such) I mean is it appreciated, does it help keep a healthy level of love.

Most importantly. What I want to know from the guys who do do these things, do you do it for yourself, ie you are that kind of person, or do you do it because your g/f/wife/fiance loves it?

If you have to think of what you should or should not be doing it's not worth it.

hunter: I know what you're saying, and in my heart I agree, but it's like, they say if you keep doing what you're doing, you're going to keep getting what you're getting.

And it's like, what im doing (whatever that is) is not getting me anywhere, and I'm reaching a stage in my life where I freaking want to share my life with someone. I've never even had a g/f before - yeah yeah, so what.

This is the kind of stuff that I would do naturally. My real question was going to be for the ladies and ask, because this is a serious concern. They say these are the things the perfect guy would do. But then being perfect is clearly not enough.

I mean the perfect boyfriend will do these things. But then, he's already in the in zone. So its more a case of the perfect guy who wants to keep the relationship going will do these things. What must the perfect lonely do to get in the inzone? Cause this kind of shit does not cut it...not from personal experience in any case.

I guess im just exasperated, frustrated, lonely and sullen, and want to know what it is im doing wrong.

in my experience i have noticed that guys who do these things are never taken seriously and arent appreciated. Guys who beat their girlfriends and dont give a shit about them get the good women.

add: do drugs, drink too much, drive their cars like idiots, have money/status/power, are general shits, moody, rude, bastards, cheat on them, lecherous guys, the ones who treat them like shit and dont care about them, the good looking guys, the playas.

Why is it that women are attracted to phuktards, but the guy who does all these things, get's nothing except the pleasure of dealing with their heartaches when the shit hits the fan - and it always does.

Forgive the bitterness, but damnit, im bitter about it.

It's that old cliche "nice guys finish last"...

Unfortunately you just gotta hang in there and you'll find the right person, it might even be somebody that you already know through somebody else...

First time i met my fiance we had an arugment about the football shirt i was wearing. Things work in mysterious ways...

Well at the risk of sounding like a big "romantic" yes I do do such things out of my own. However I do not currently have a girlfriend and my last girlfriend was too inmature to appreciate such gestures.

And what millennia says is 100% true:

That I have to agree with aquadog there!!!

Man can you handle the ladies... when a guy treats them like gold the girls ball their eyes out but still runs back over and over and over again?

what is with that??? I've ask a few girls already and they couldn't explain. The best I've heard is that they want to tame the wild ones! Sorta like a challenge!

Got this in an e-mail a while ago...



Any ladies want to comment?

I think 4 me through my relationship as its grown and we've become more intermit (spelling & no not physically, thats 4 another topic) with each other I find myself doing more and more of those things with out evening thinking. In the beginning u usually set out to do such thinks but it just becomes more natural with time, I think being romantic is also having a respect for ur partner, u find urself giving and not expecting...

Okay...whatever!
Someone's gotta tell me where they conduct these surveys.

How to get in the zone...hmmm...

I'm gonna cause some trouble and say that ALL interactions between male and female (unrelated) has some sexual component. Ok, so if you know how to be friends with a girl it's not that much different, I think...it's just that ppl tend to attach so much importance to it when it's 'formal' and then they get all nervous and stuff.

If you can talk to any girl you don't know too well without freaking out, you can make it into the zone provided the chemistry or whatever is there.

Just be...natural (damn I hate having to use such a cliche!) and a time will come when it's make a move or move on. Er...not much help I guess.

Tell you guys what, i'll do a rapid survey of ppl around campus and bring back my answers, k?

Lunch time, perfect. Later!

yeah i agree with solo there!

i kinda do those things by myself sumtimes without even realising it...but all i can say besides thte fact that u dudes probably think im a sissy...but hey love makes ya do strange things:)

Later

Not at all true.
I've been goin out with my gf now for more than 2 and a half years and I'm a relatively nice guy (to be honest I have slipped up once or twice and taken the burn for it) . I couldn't be happier and if things go the way they are now there may even be wedding bells...

And in my next line i said

Nice guys don't always finish last, just most of the time...

The harder you look, the harder it is to find the "prize"

Ninja, dont worry man one of these days the perfect woman will be in your life and you will look back at this time and laugh.

Doovatis: thanks for that man, that's spectacular. No idea how true it is, sounds like it was written by an American, but hey, it's a start. thanks buddy.

Also, of all of the women that I sent this to, and I sent it to almost every single one I knew, there was only one who cam back with a proper response, discussing it as I asked. Amongst the others, were 'awww cute - blah blah something unrelated', 'my boyfriend does that - what's up with you' etc...

enlightening to say the least.

Rapid survey completed!

Results....inconclusive.

Sorry guys, everyone's got their own idea on the subject and to me only half of them made any kind of logical sense. What I mostly got was - "It depends."

So never mind then, I stick by my first post.

Ninja-Mo, i was in a similar position when i turned 19, but i had never even been kissed.
Well i got my first kiss when i was 19 and a half, it happened about 1 month after i had given up on looking for a girlfriend, the girl who kissed me was one of my very good female friends who i had known since primary school, we lasted about 2 weeks (i believe the term is "having something").
I got my first girlfriend when i was 20 years and 3 months old, the girl i went out with was not the girl i was going after at the time, we lasted 1 year and three days.
second girlfriend lasted 1 month, i wont go into that one
third girlfriend i met two months after i had given up again on finding a girlfriend, we lasted 1 year 2 months and 5 days.
Current girlfriend i met when i was still going out with my prevoius girlfriend, it will be 8 months on the 2nd of april, and i have never been happier.

The moral of my story is this; Dont look for a girlfriend, just be yourself and be patient, everything will happen in time.

If you look, you dont act like yourself and women can tell however if you are yourself and dont really care if she becomes your girlfriend or just a friend the girls will be more attracted to you cause there is no hidden agenda.
Well that attitude helped me, but then again i am a natural flirt

oh a few tips: remember dates (birthday, anniversary etc.) and be a gentleman i.e. pull out her chair, open doors for her, remain standing untill all the girls are seated(ok thats very old fashioned but it does help), NB!!! if there are no free chairs get off yours and offer it to her even if she is not the one you like, any other girl there will think alot more of you(ie. hell that was so sweet, wish my boyfriend did that for me).
Other things i can think of is listen instead of talking, eye contact when she is speaking to you or you to her and be interested in what they say even if it bores the hell out of you, also be desicive not indesicive, girls hate indecicion.
all this is from my experiance so it may differ from what other peoples experiance are.

Thats about it

Hope this help

PS. just be yourself, if the girl you like girl doesnt want you then it is not worth it.
If a girl thinks you are an idiot/old fashioned/prick etc. then she is not worth it.
You will find that perfect girl, but you might have to go through a few to figure out what exactly you want, it will happen to you so dont stress to much.

Here's something for you to think about...
Your partner (girlfriend/wife) is your best friend but with physical contact

thing is this: im not looking for a girl, and im not looking for tips.

Be natural and dont look is kind of the only choice I have since I moved to a foreign country on my own, and am not of legal age to really leave my apartment at night. Basically, day after day, its come to work, then go home and die. So its not that im looking for tips, although yours are well received believe me ^_^

The point is more, those were 26 perfect things a guy would do, and still, 90% of the women I have spoken to say otherwise, im merely trying to find the truth of it. With all the guys replying I kinda went on a little self-loathing stint which i apologise for.

Yeah, being alone sucks, so I rant sometimes. I get over it though. I chose to be alone for 6 years, nothing for it but to get on and do it.

Wow! Well, okay, I'll address each comment with my own. Then, I'm going to ask you a question.



Its funny because this just recently happened to me with Megafox. I've NEVER had a guy pay attention to my moods before, and generally I don't say too much because I realize that its not fair to impose my poo-poo mood onto my guy. I'd much rather focus on the good. However, this last weekend, something happened and he noted it. He heard it in my voice and actually asked me. HE ACTUALLY INSISTED THAT I TALK TO HIM ABOUT IT!!! Sure, for you guys that might not seem like a big deal, but for me, I was floored. In fact, I didn't even realize how much it meant to me that he cared until it happened. Its like I've been missing this amazing thing and suddenly, I have it. I refuse to make a man feel guilty because of me. I don't do that, because its wrong. We talked and I felt so much better, just telling him how I felt. We had a good time afterwards, and I swear, I love that man even more for it.




I admit that if my guy wanted to smell my hair, I wouldn't care, or whatever he wanted to do to my body. Hell, its there for him to enjoy. If he wants to run his fingers through my hair, or play with my fingers or whatever, I wouldn't even think twice. In fact, I'm pretty good at thumb wrestling. Now, if he did this intentionally for me, I would probably push him away. I CAN'T STAND IT WHEN A GUY DOES SOMETHING JUST BECAUSE HE THINKS I'LL LIKE IT. He better like it too, or I will be very offended. In other words, I refuse to accept a token that requires sacrifice without a reward. I want him to enjoy me, not try to make brownie points, for god's sake. I'm not a score board. It would be no different than if I went up to my man and said, "wow, you're so huge babe" because I thought it would boost his esteem. No thanks. I call it as I see it. I won't fake anything!




Let me explain that if anyone, absolutely anyone were to come up to Megafox and threaten him, I would be there in attack stance ready for a fight. I protect my own, just like a lionesse. I confess, I find it very sexy when a guy tries to protect me. Let me explain why...

Today, women aren't the submissive, quiet creatures of yesteryear. We're fighting many of the same battles for a livelihood as any of you men, and as you all know, it gets ugly, very ugly. Stress is high, as well as tempers, etc. In this day-to-day battle, women don't have it as easy as men. For instance, take a woman speaker. Generally, women must state their credentials up front in order to be recognized as an authority. Her voice, her skirt, and her soft, feminine features makes her look weak. Thus, she must make clear with her tone, her manner that she is a professional and intelligent mind. Men speakers, on the other hand, can come onto a podium casually, go on to discuss something that happened to them on the way to the engagement, even crack jokes, without having to state their credentials until much later. It is taken for granted that men are professionals who know what they're doing, whereas women must demonstrate and prove their strength (this was taken from Presentations Magazine, from a study conducted at UCLA socialogical studies dept.). I know this stuff, because I'm a marketing coordinator for a national firm and have to go to presentations and such. Now, here I am, I wear a suit with high heels, constantly stating my credentials to people, having to prove my value and strength as an asset all day long. I get home, and other life issues come up, like bills, that must be addressed. When a man takes the time to just respect his woman, its like saying, "take it easy, you don't have to prove anything here. You are loved because of who you are." She can then let go, be at ease and finally find some peace in knowing she's not alone.




What the heck! What makes you think I'm not the one watching the game! I may not know much about cricket and rugby, but believe you me, I'm an adamant football fan, and I mean, ADAMANT! I love sports. I love all kinds of sports, and like many American's am glued to the TV during Superbowl (I was bummed this year cuz my good friend at work with the 62 inch screen wouldn't let me come over to watch the game sigh. ). Besides, I love it when I'm a sports widow. Hell, I get some of the best writing done (yeah, I write on my spare time. Not that you could tell with my tome posts). So, hey, if you're going to watch sports in front of me, hell, the only thing you should be worrying about is me eating up all your munchies and taking up space on the couch.




Okay, let me ask you guys this. How would you like having your girl come up behind you, squeeze you tight, pressing her endowments against you? Yeah, I thought so.




My hair? Or his hair? I'm very affectionate, so either one works. I don't put all those gel things and hair stuff on my hair, because I myself drag my fingers through my hair. I love stroking hair, as well as having my man do the same for me. *shrugs* It really doesn't matter, however, its nice. NO, there's no meta-message in that statement.




Now that I love. In fact, one of the pre-requisites to being my guy is that you must like hand holding in any occasion. I tend to keep my hands on my man constantly. I'm a very sensual person, and love the feel of him on my palm and fingers. Just to feel him there means so much to me, even more than words can say.




PLEASE DON'T SUGAR COAT! I can't stand it when a guy beats around the bush. Get to the point. I do. If I want something, I'll tell you. If you do, well, hell, you better tell me then, and don't expect me to read your mind. I don't expect you to read mine. I put this in the catagory of playing games. I don't like playing games, and really hate it when people do it to me. In fact, that kind of stunt would end up in a break up.




Look, if you don't want to massage my back, or anything, DON'T! If touching me makes YOU feel good, not because you're trying to make brownie point but because you enjoy the touch of my skin, then do it. I love giving massages because I love having my hands roam over my man's body. Again, I refer to the fact that I'm a very sensual woman. However, I also know that there is a difference inwhich men and women experience massage. For men, its great after a long days work, to help him relax. It works for women that way too, but it also functions well as foreplay. If you massage your woman, not like you're on some race, then 9 times out of 10, you'll get lucky. We women tend to get so into day-to-day we forget that our bodies have such wonderful pleasure opportunities. We can actually be horney without knowing it. Not until we feel the touch of our man, especially roaming over our bodies such as in a massage, do we acknowledge the need that has built up within us. The body is such a wonderful instrument of pleasure. Problem is, we women are so focused on getting things done, we forget to just stop and relish that pleasure. Its nice to be reminded by an occasional massage, but man, you better mean it, and enjoy it yourself. Otherwise, please don't patronize me--don't do it if you don't want to.




If you dance like a dork (wow, the image of a whale's thingy dancing is quite scary), and you're self conscious, stop being a butt and don't dance with me. I want my man to feel confident, and I refuse to engage in any activity that would lower his ego. I'd much rather be doing something we both liked and we both had a good time doing. Otherwise, after a while, such activities would associate me with pain. I don't want my man to think of pain and me as being one. thanks, but no thanks.




What the heck does that mean? If you're not in love, you're not. If this means, you should work on your relationships, well, hell yes! Its like as if you got a pay check from work, and left it in your wallet. What good is that check, if you don't cash it, to take it to the bank to buy cool gadgets and stuff? You have to use it wisely, pay bills, budget, so that you can enjoy cool gadgets with many buttons that light up and make neat noises. Yep, I'm a gadgets girl. hehe. I love my toys.




Look, if you don't have what is now coined in the States as "emotional intelligence" you better gets some quick. This is precisely what people are looking for, though they don't know it. Its part of that development of your person, and your philosophy that dictates your emotional wit. You want to be emotionally stable? Then develop study philosophy (no, not religion, and such, but men and women of the mind, and the nature of existence). Be smart not just in math and science, but in Aristotle, etc. Me? I think Kant was the most evil man that ever lived.




See above post.




I hate being late to things. I only take 10 to 15 minute showers. I've got make up time down to only 5 minutes, 10 when I apply foundation and blush, which I usually don't. Hair takes about 5 minutes with the blow dryer. So, I usually get up about 1.5 hours before work, so that I can get there in plenty of time. Of course, I have a very lacked schedule, because I can work up to 13 hours on a given day, like today. Frankly, I won't go out with my sister-in-law for this very reason. I swear that woman would be late if the President of the United States were to show up at her house. If my guy were that narcissistic, I'd say, "see ya."




This is one of my biggest bet peeves. I HATE IT WHEN A WOMAN HITS A MAN AND SCREAMS WHEN HE HITS HER BACK. I've told my lil bro, who is 20 years my junior that if a girl were to hit him, he has every right to protect himself and hit back. Okay, she wouldn't be as strong as him, but by what right does she have to hit him. Last time I saw one of my lil bro's friends sock him in the arm, I virtually rip her ear off, flayling chides that would make a sailor blush. I don't tolerate this kind of double standard. In fact, I don't tolerate ANY double standards, because that is simply evil. Someone hits me, I'll let them have it. I've been abused before, and I refuse to tolerate it in any form, even in a joking scenario, I won't put up with it. To me, hitting isn't a joke. Its a threat.




Okay, if you smile a lot, I'm going to think you're not getting anything of what I'm telling you. Its like a foreigner who just keeps smiling because he/she doesn't know what else to do. All I can say is, I hope that's a smile I put on your face after one of our romantic activities.




I've NEVER had a guy do that for me, so I wouldn't know. In fact, most guys I know don't do this, and I confess, it hurts. I go through a lot of trouble to make myself sexy and interesting to my man. The least he can do to invest in our relationship is plan an evening where I don't have to be the one to get the flowers (yeah, I actually had to do that), pick the restaurant and pay for the food (yeah, that too), and decide if its the cartoon movie or the latest Van Dam flick. I've never been taken on a date where I was wined and dined. And though I don't know what it would be like, I can say this. If my man were to do that, I swear to you I would worship that man's body until he was a heap of flesh sprawled on the bed.




You tell me? do you like being appreciated? Yeah, join the club.




Sorry, but I'm not an altruist. You wish to help others out, I hope you enjoy it, cuz I won't engage in that. I offer the best of myself in what I do for a living. Getting paid for my talents doesn't make it any less valuable and worth while. On the contrary, I'm being efficacious and intelligent to market my skills and love what I do. When you love what you do, life is endless bliss.




Talk about a waste of gas!! Hello! I'd say that you don't know how to handle your finances, if you did that kind of garbage. If you did that, I'd have to wonder ifyou own your own petrol station, or if you were made of money. Either way, its either time to move closer, or consider other options.




Yeah, I engage in PDA (Public Displays of Affection). As I mentioned before, I'm very affectionate, so I do kiss "hi/goodbye" with my man. If he has issues with that, he won't be my man for long. I refuse to apologize for that. Its just that important to me.




Dear lord, please don't. Look, if you make a dog howl, keep your day job, and PLEASE, don't sing to me. I love being sung to, but I would prefer a man that is comfortable with his voice. If he doesn't like to do it, DON'T!




Creative? As in, let's out do Monty Python? Come on. Sense of humor is good enough. Creative? I don't know a single human being that has a good sense of humor that ISN'T creative. Generally it goes hand in hand.




That just happens anyway. I love staring at my man, watching him move, seeing the nuances in his expression. It all affirms the amazing beauty that is life, and moreover that an amazing living creature is sharing it with me.




I think its better said that you call just because you want to hear his/her voice. When I hear Megafox's voice, I melt. I swear that man could get me to do anything at that point. I love hearing it, and never tire of it.


The problem with these kinds of suggestions, tips, whatever you want to call them, is that it lumps all of us women into one large sum. That's very unfair. We are individuals. I'm a certain kind of woman, where there are probably other ladies within this forum who think I'm a moron, and don't know what I'm talking about. Why? Because her premises don't follow mine, just as you men don't all share the same premises for existence.


Question:

Are all men the same (i.e. leave the seat up in the rest room, engage in gaseous activities during sports games, only want sex 24/7, etc.)?

The problem with trying to lump the genders into simple categories is that you're going to eliminate one benefit--compatibility. Yes, its a benefit to search for that one person that is most compatible to you. In fact, I'll venture to say, its a lot of fun. Why? Because in order to know what you want, you have to know who you ARE. You have to introspect, analyze what makes you tick. In doing this, you learn vital things about yourself, and moreover, realize the value you bring to life. Also, in realizing your worth, you begin to put things into perspective, and gain a greater understanding of how to apply your strengths as a human being into practical day-to-day application. In other words, to find that right someone, you must BE that right someone. You will attract the kind of person you see yourself as. If you feel you're scum, she'll be scum, etc.

Now, one word of advise. Don't be deceived by stereotypes. 9 times out 10, those trite observations about nice guys and jerks is utterly untrue. Its just like saying that bitches always get the nice guys. That isn't true either. In fact, generally the problem lies within the under developed philosophy of each individual. If you don't have a solid moral code to live by, then you will reap the rewards for your indolence--you get the psycho-bitches from hell and bimbos with no brains. No, I'm not talking about religion, I'm talking about living a moral code to maximize your happiness in life. Life is wonderful, but its up to you to figure out how and why.

I'm going to reply in private to YANA on this one for the purpose of keeping certain things private that should ramain so

Hope you dont mind...

Dear lord why would I mind?


However, I'm about to go to bed, as it is 12:42 am my time (I live in California, which is 10 hours difference from you folks).

I'll be sure to check back before I go to work this morning.

Sorry, but I'm just beat. I had to work over 13 hours today, with project managers who each have their own agendas for the presentation I was designing. Needless to say, two head or more is NOT better.


zzzzzzzz

Yana what would you do if she doesn't want to talk?



hehehe unfortunately not every girl thinks like you Yana. My GF would KILL if I do that... at one stage we were apart for a year and each time I drove 1000km just to see her for the week or in between holiday's. She would appreciate it sooooo much.

Thanks Yana atleast I learned something from this thread.

Cheers

Then you have to ask yourself, what would it be like lying next to your wife at 35, the bills are pilling up, the tax man is knocking on the door, and you just found out that your mother has cancer, and she doesn't want to talk about it. Ask yourself, is this the kind of woman you want as your life companion? If not, then you know what to do. If you think I'm being extreme, wake up! Its like this. And sometimes, its even worse. You have to make priorities in your life, and your partner better be compatible to you, or else you're going to suffer. LOVE DOES NOT CONQUER ALL. Your mind does, and if she can't effectively communicate herself to you, and visa versa, you're going to experience pain. Its not like she has to spill herself 24/7, but know when its appropriate to express herself when it comes to important stuff. If she keeps blowing you off, maybe there's a deeper issue you should investigate, and determine what is the real problem.





If she would do that, I'm very sorry for you. How long do you think you can maintain an kind of civility before you break? I'm telling you, if a girl demands that kind of servitude, the pay off better be damn good. Otherwise, you'll grow resentful, and she'll be bitter--both of you will end up suffering.

I'm a practical woman. When I see my man spending too much money, I raise my brows, not in disapproval, but in concern. I know what financial pressures are all about, hell I supported two men that were major moochers. I know the responsibilities men are under to fulfill their financial obligations. I do it myself.

I'm not suggesting that you abandon tokens of affection, but please, do it because you take pleasure in seeing your woman with those things. If you like the roses, get them for her. If you like the bracelet, rings, etc, get it. If you like driving 1000km to spend a few minutes with her, fine, but if it becomes an obligation, or some kind of expectation, then stop. Get real, because life will, even if you won't.

While i do understand why you say that, don't you think that you have taken the 'hint'-thingie just a little out of cotext and far too seriously?

What "hint?" I didn't see a hint. Its one thing to nudge someone, but what I'm talking about is girls that just sock a guy cuz they think they can get away with it, knowing the guy won't sock back for fear of being labeled an abuser. Its those girls that I am targeting, and feel deserve to be put in their place. Guy or girl hits me, they better be ready for retaliation. Otherwise, keep your hands to yourself, thank you very much.

Yep we both know... but even so she does help with the fininacial issue
I would only have done it if I had the money too... luckly it was only for a year too



It's not that drastic, sometimes ppl dun feel like talking... but sometime she decides to withdraw from everyone then resurface a day later... I guess maybe it's all about timing. Although it's gotten better as of late, she's less withdrawn if something is wrong... and I force it outta her

Misunderstanding, YANA. I was referring to one of the many so-called 'hints' you replied to when you said that.
Still though, i doubt the person who wrote that actually meant for the girl to sock the guy. Just one of those playful punches/slaps, you know?

wow, after that post that YANA made, i don't know if there is anything more that i can add !

i guess most of what i have to say, ties a bit of both of the pastings in (the one that Ninja_Mo made, and the one that doovartis pasted).

the most important part in a relationship is respect. and that is where honesty comes in - there is nothing worse that lying :/ and part of the whole respect thing is that i want my partner to do things for me 'cos he wants to or out of respect for me - not cos he thinks that's what i want (i can almost guarantee u that it would be wrong). and this respect is a thing that goes both ways - it's not only him doing things for me out of respect - tis a two way street . and always taking and not giving it's healthy in a relationship ....




please, don't even go there!!! only a tone deaf donkey would appreciate that

so in the end Ninja Mo - i don't think any of us can help u out of ur misery, but trying to be the perfect guy or b/f for any prospective girl - u r selling urself short: u are a wonderful person in ur own right.
the best advice i can give u is : be urself at all times. and if u find something in ur behaviour that bothers u (like saying hurtful and unneccessary things when u r angry[projecting my faults on u ]), try ur best to change it for urself, never for someone else ....

and it is not worth it to be in a relationship just for the sake of being in one.

and one last thought[as said by one of my friends]: remember that studies have proved that mammals, and in particular humans, can smell desperation

what if you dont have a nose?

and besides, i can see desperation very well kthnx. Nothing puts me off more than a desperate chick.

Fishfly, you're the one that brought up the issue. If it really doesn't bother you, then why bring it up? Also, why should you have to force it out of her? Its one thing if it happens once, or twice. But if your g/f isn't coming to you after finding out she can be comfortable talking to you about things, don't you think you'll get sick of having to approach her? Look, what you do with your life is your business, and obviously, I am all the way in the States and won't have anything to do with your life, except this post. I'm asking you these questions because I'm older, and have experienced some of those kinds of nuances in a relationship, which at first seem just annoying, then turn into frustrations, which turn into major relationship issues. What you determine works for you, is your business. I'm merely bringing out options that MIGHT occur. You must decide in the end what you're willing to live with.

Yakman, I don't think its extreme, because my ex husband used to sock me in the leg, telling me that is wasn't really abuse, because it wasn't on my arm, my face or my torso, as though he could negate the whole issue by location on my body. Either way, it was very demeaning and devasting. I mean, I shared a bed with this bastard, and he had the audacity to hit me, repeatedly. You can justify in your mind just about anything, if you rationalize it in your head. If you feel that its okay for your woman to shock you in the arm, fine, its your arm. Me? I take exception to something like that. Now, let me explain something here about playful socking, and sexual atttraction. If you're the kind of person that enjoys a good smack in the name of sexual enjoyment, you're an adult and have the right to what you deem is fulfilling (my aversion to hiting isn't about this, its about intention). Its what you feel is appropriate and not. If you get off on your girl smacking your arm, hey, more power to you. I don't mind my guy playfully smacking my bottom, but that's because of who he is. I trust him implicitely, and know that he would NEVER hit me to intent to hurt me. But, if he were to get frustrated with me, or want me attention by socking my leg, arm or chest, I would cry, because that wouldn't be playful to me. So see? Its about what you're acceptance level is. We're all adults. Its up to each individual to decide what is acceptable and not.

rix, you hit it right on the nose (yeah, I know. Groaner!). Respect is so important. I mean, doesn't a guy want to be acknowledged for all he does? How would you men like it if us women saw you working your tails off, making money to put a beautiful roof over our heads, buy us expensive stuff, and take us out to fancy restaurants only to brush it off because you're a looser anyway. HELLO! No way baby! A girl like that spells misery. Its no different for women. We also work our tails off, try to build a home that is a haven, and find fulfillment in our lives. Like men, we want to be acknowledged for our efforts, just to remind us that hard work isn't a four letter word.

Anyway, I'm pontificating again. Jeez.

Alex, I wish you all the best, as well as all you men. You are truly unsung heroes, and don't think for a moment all of us women are blind to it. We see it, and honor you out there the only way we can, by admiring, understanding, and respecting your achievements.

*sigh* *dreamy eyes* FINALLY!! I am happy.... men are changing for the best around here lately it seems... :-)

Wewt. Lana has taught me alot in this thread. Lana for president

Lana? I didn't realize I had an alter ego.

I have absolutely no desire to be president, though I almost majored in law in college, but I don't have the stomach for the B/S that goes on in politics. Instead, I opted for being an author, where the B/S is not only intentional, but desired!

I would be nice to hear what guys like in a woman. I keep hearing about women being so demanding in relationship, whereas I've experienced the opposite before Megafox. In fact, I'll start another thread just for that.

replying there then!

And no, I dont want you as a president...too much democracy. If you ever annex a country, let me know I'll be there in a hurry

Well I just wanted to hear what some of the ladies would have to say about this issue... I know she was trumatised by a break-in when she was about 6 and she's also had other issues that are considered very serious. So I guess it would be what's making her withdrawn

But no need to bite my head of there

My take on the "Nice guys finish last" or "Treat them rough and you'll get the muff" phenomenon of assholes getting the good women is simple:

We humans are animals. The female of the species throughout nature looks for the strongest male to pair up with in order to ensure the genetic strength of her offspring. Obviously humans are a little more evolved than that, but the general principles still apply. In humans, the "strongest male" generally involves someone who is fairly well built, and has a confident personality.

What 2 traits do most of these "asshole guys" that get all the chicks have?
1. Jocks/athletic/good physique
2. Confidence (even though to you it may appear as arrogance).

Face it, guys who have confidence have a much greater chance to come right, since they'll happily go up to any girl and chat her up, therefore exposing themselves to more opportunities to come right.

I read a while ago that most women rate quiet(spelling???) confidence as the most attractive thing when looking for a guy. confidence can easily be arrogance, so i think the trick is be confident but dont advertise, ie. the whole "look at me i am so great" thing or going up to every chick and hitting on them.

OMG! I didn't mean to bite your head off. For that I'm sorry. I came across strong, but didn't mean to demean you. I only wanted to put those hard questions out there. As I mentioned, you're an adult and will ultimately decide what works for you, like any other adult. You did ask, and I answered. No hard feelings intended, kay?



I think what you're talking about, T.I.M., is reticence. I agree, I find a man that is ascetic in passion the most attractive man alive. Its not that he is incapable of passion, only that he reserves it for the appropriate moment and person. THAT is sooooooooooo sexy.

YANA, perhaps it's just me, but when i read that orgiginal comment about a girl hitting (not socking) her guy, i didn't in the slightest associate it with anything sexual.
Least of all i expected to be labelled a kinki dude/masochist (just kidding, of course)!
And no, although pain is pain, i doubt i would enjoy it in a relationship. I do not get off at girls smacking me silly, ok?

The point i'm trying to make is that, although i do not condone any sort of abuse in any form, i don't see anything wrong with a playful punch being thrown to the shoulder of a girl's boyfriend/husband. As long as it is in good spirit and not interpreted negatively by either party. The moment any of it becomes painful (physically or emotionally) to any of the two, then it needs to be put to an end or discussed at length. And literally hitting someone in any part of the body other than the face etc. against his/her will, perhaps even leaving marks, and then having the vile nature to write it off as not being abuse, is simply dispicable.

Personally i don't think that your acceptance/tolerance level has that much to do with it (to an extent, certainly). There is a difference to me between literally hitting (usually associated with the face and arms, or torso) someone, and punching or slapping them playfully.
It is hard for me to explain, but i have this perfect image in my mind of just how i see this particular action.

Yakman, it is the double standard that is implied that disgusts me about that particular issue. You see, if a woman does that to a man, its playful. If a man does that to a woman, its abuse. This is the attitude that irks me. Mind you, I do understand your perspective, and for you that is acceptable, but since I'm a woman that dislikes double standard, and truly believes in living that Golden Rule, I don't engage in that. The same thing can be accomplished by nudging someone and giving that emphatic feminine tisk we women are so famous for. All I can say is that you are one very kind man to tolerate that from a woman.

Now, as far as the S&M concept...I wasn't trying to suggest that you engaged in that activity. I was merely stating for general audiences that MIGHT engage in that, what I was referring to. Sorry for the confusion and the misrepresentation.

Hmmmm, that would make a really interesting thread to discuss. Problem is, I know nothing on the subject, and couldn't put together a good thread to save me on the issue. Oh well. I'd be very good with the many wonders of flavored finger paints thread. hehe

(like i said, i was kidding about the S&M thing [no pun intended])

Alrighty, that i understand, and i respect that. I suppose this is where the many different perspectives of peoples? personalities come in. You do not do anything of the sort because you believe it to be double standards, and from your perspective (a woman's) i can see why. But personally, i don't mind at all - The least i can do is take a few playful punches (not in the face, though). Double standards it may be, but the way i see it, i somehow think that woman are 'entitled' to it, yet i would never do the same to a girl, regardless of whether or not society actually saw it as abuse. I'm not sure if one could classify it as a matter of principle...
But then again, perhaps its partly due to me being beat up when i was young.

You know, the more i try to explain this the more i think that i'm twisting it into something that doesn't sound all that 'healthy' (mentally) anymore :/

Dun worry it's not a big deal. I'm very easy going but thanks for your help

Just to add my 2 cents......

I know a realy cute hottie that's going out with a supreme a$$hole piece of sh#t that treats everyone including her like total dog shit.........yet she swears she's privvy to his "sensitive side" and how "deep" he is,and if only "everyone else" could see his sensitive side we'd all "understand".

??????.....???

Now this phenomenon occurs more often than we think,hell it's a daily occurance........and i really do think that nice guys finish last,let's face it shit floats and that's how people like this make it to the top.............and guys if you want to land the babe of the ball or the hot thing at the gym just remember,be an asshole/bastard.Guaranteed!

But give 'ol cutie some time until she get's burnt by him then she'll be whimpering over a glasss of wine over how he broke her heart and how she was the only one that understood him while sobbing and annoying the crap out of everyone else......

But of course not all women are like that,it's what's inside.........they say.

BULL.................SH*T

... and then she'll go out with the next asshole she meets.