Beauty, they like to tell you, is in the eye of the beholder. So it follows that physical attraction is all based entirely on individual perspective. And to add another dimension to that is the attraction above physical - the personality aspect.

Why then, does it seem that society has a given definition of 'sexy'?
Let me ask for honesty here - how many people, at some point in their lives, would not admit to feeling attracted to someone who didn't match this definition because of what people might say, and have regretted it?

I have, i know.

Does anyone else here think that even our right to love who we want to love is being undermined by what the world tells us is fashionable? What is a sexy woman? What is a sexy man?

Just a late-night arbitrary thought, but I'd love to hear what people have to say...

Very fascinating topic. Considering that I used to weigh 309 lbs before I lost most of my weight (I've lost a whole person, and some), I can honestly say that I've been at the opposite end of that issue. Frankly, I used to look like the mother of a thug. I was overweight, and I was miserable. However, I was married to a man that loved me and thought me attractive. We're not together any more, for other reasons not related to this, and have since met the most amazing man alive, who has only ever known me thin. I didn't understand how it was possible my ex would think me attractive, then again, he never said I was beautiful. He just said I was attractive. Now, when my ex looks at me, he actually says I'm beautiful (yeah, it was a sore spot for me while we were married, cuz he NEVER said anything about the way I looked, even when I tried hard). Funny thing is, I'm happier than I was before, because I feel beautiful on the inside. I lost the weight because I was ready. Now, I love wearing cute clothes, jewelry, etc. I never did before, because I thought it wasn't worth the effort. Am I beautiful? I leave that assessment for my sweetheart, Megafox. Since its him I want to please, I hope he thinks so. Between you and me, I think he does.

As far as being attracted to someone who others thought weren't. Hmmm...I've always not cared what others thought. When I think a man is sexy, he is to me. I don't care what others think. I care what I think, and I think my man is VERY sexy. Do others think so? I dunno. I was shocked that he hadn't been taken a long time ago. I figure, I got very lucky. He's mine, and THAT makes me very happy.

I think everyone has merit for one thing or another. Truth is, beauty comes from within. What we're attracted to is the physical manifestation of our ideal. If he/she looks the part, we're attracted. However, as you know, once you get to know a person, if they don't exhibit those traits you value, he/she is history, as it should be.

I guess the question I have to ask is, does it really matter? If what others think matters to you, ask yourself, why? By what standard are those people judging, and should you match their standards? Most of the time, I find the answer is an emphatic NO!

this is interesting, for example. you could have two girls

girl one = tall, thin, blond hair, nice eyes, nice body, dresses in a mini skirt & a boob tube and smokes and is a bitch.

girl two = a average sized girl, ok body, not a model, dresses wells, nice personality, and doesnt smoke.

out of those two girls, i would honestly find girl two more attractive that girl one. why? because although she might have a fine body, she dresses slutty, has a bitchy attitude and smokes, three things which i consider a mega turn off, the second girl might not look like a super model, but it doesnt matter since she is an all round nice lady who doesnt have the attributes of any of my turn off's

now some people will disagree with me, thats the beauty of life, everyone is different and everyone has there own likes and dislikes. something i have always noticed, How many google looking men/woman have you seen in a SUCCESSFUL marriage? I personally havent seen any.

and i think this is due to the fact that hot girls/guys know they hot, so they develop this attitude about themselves, which i find a real turn off, i would rather have a nice plain girl over a sexy model with an attitude. Yes i will admit the model is nice to look at, i would be lieing to myself if i didnt think she was sexy, but at the end of the day, who is going to make you happy, someone who cares more about themselves than you, or someone who loves you and wants to be with you?

i think there is a difference between Attractive and sexy

girl one is sexy
girl two is attractive

sexy is only a physical aspect powered by your sexual hormones.
Attractive is more than that, to me its on a deeper level, if a girl is attractive, she not only looks good to you, she also carries those personality attributes which attracts you to her.

personally i prefer to date attrative girls

Well, first off, yeah, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I think Eliza Dushku is the world's most beautiful chick, while others think its Jlo. there is no accounting for taste.

Looks aint everything though. I know that i will most likely not end up with a stunner or a real looker, cause often that's not what im looking for. I dont mind though, cause for me looks are nice to look at. Not gonna count for much when the lights are out anyway.

I know for a fact it is possible to fal head over heels in love without even meeting someone in person. This happens.

Its really all about how much cotnrol you give it. I had a long loooong reply planned for this, but as i type i find it too painful. my only comment therefore is grab hold of your emotions, and think with your head before your heart. if your head says its good and then your heart does too, then you know you are in the game.

Beauty Is Defnitly In The Eye Of The Beholder!

& Yes personality can make someone attractive to! My hole life i never dated Blond, Thin Girls just because i didn't find them attractive, or sexy...

Then i met my X (we didn't break up because of stuff like this, other sh!t) she is blond & thin Model Style but she had a personality that just flowed out of her & filled everybody around her with that strenght & happyness! We dated for 16months the longest realationship i ever had...



Good Point, makes me Question so of the choices i made in my life...

C'mon, dude, you don't actually turn the lights OFF, do you ? Where's the fun in THAT ?

I'd like to embelish the topic slightly with an example from my life.

I went out with a girl 5/6 years ago. Tall, blond, beautiful, gorgeous figure, done some modeling etc. We were together for about 2 years. The amount of sexual attraction I had with her from the word go was borderline indecent. What I'm talking about here is pure, lustful, carnal desire.

I went out with a girl about 2/3 years ago. Tall, brunette, gorgeous figure, done modeling etc. (yes, I do have a weakness for models). We were together for about a year and a half. Initially I felt absolutely no sexual desire for her at all. I had a romantic attraction to her. It was only after some time that I developed the same sexual desire I had with the other girl.

Now, the bit that I'd like to figure out is why the difference in initial feelings for the two girls. I'd known them both as acquaintances for some time before going out with them. In both cases there had been immediate physical attraction and flirting as soon as I was introduced to either.

Any similar stories or answers ?

I can't give answers, cause my mind is a Mess this last month...

but i do have a similar experiance...

I dated a girl Dark Hair, Medium Built, killer personality... When we met you could see the flirting & a blind man could feel the tention in the air with a stick! There was Physical, Sexual & Intelectual Attraction from the word go...

A couple of months after we broke up i met a Blond Girl, Model Style Body, Killer Personality! When we first met we wanted to Rip Each Others Eye's out couldn't stand each other, then we went on holiday with a mutual friend (Blond girl was the peace keeper with the perants of friend) & we where forced to got to know each other! As we got to know each other i felt attracted to her but not like the Dark Hair Girl, this was only "Intelectual" attraction, we started hanging out after we came back from holiday & only after about two months of dating did the Physical & Sexual Attraction start to surface...

Gues it only shows that Personality can be as sexy & as big attraction as looks...

Wow, some interesting replies here...

Well, this whole thing actually spawned from a discussion I had with someone else on this forum...we were trying to figure out what it meant to have 'it.'

Like I said, I have been in that situation where I wouldn't admit to being attracted to someone because I'd get laughed at. Fact is, I was younger and stupider back then. And it took me long enough to realize it, but I know that faking it is not worth it, and looking for someone just so I get a good review from others is an even bigger waste of time.

I don't believe that beauty/attraction/being sexy has very much at all to do with the physical. To me it seems to be far more than that from the outset - because even our most attractive models and other celebrities are the ones who have 'it' - that something extra that defies definition.

It is possible to fall in love with someone without ever having seen them. So, if that's true, what does seeing them have to do with anything?

Sexy is part of every aspect of a person, not just one. But Yana has all the best lines...



Sister needs to be a professional philosopher.

hmm, I must have missed YANA's comment there.

In response. Yeah, in many many ways, and I dont want to go into Freud or Oedipus complexes, but yeah. I agree.

I also want to say though that is nto always the case (nto saying you meant it was 100% all the time, im just adding for the sake of the discussion)

Many times, in carnal relationships people are attracted to the physical manifestation of the exact opposite of our ideal

There are some things I know about a women I could conceivably be with.

(please note, this is not 100% acc yet as I have abslotely no base of experience and does not include the possibility of purely platonic and sexual relationships and/or one-night-stands)

But I know that since my kids are going to be brought up in a Christian environment, that it is important for my girl to either respect that or be a christian herself. (as i said, not always 100% but we are talking ideals after all)

I think, giving my history and upbringing being steepled in Afrikaans, and the fact that I am one of 4 people in my entire lineage that actively speak English, that being at least able to understand the language is important.

On to more pertinent stuff. I know I want a lady. I want a decent, down to earth, good person. I dont want a superslut however hot, I dont want the seething temptress, the exotic beauty, the mystical enigma or any other nonsensical BS. I want a lady. Plain and simple.

that being said, I know many women who are nto as such. One in particular has fantasies of going down on men, is quite willing to swallow, wants to be tied up and could well be one of the most naturally 'hot' women I have ever seen. In many ways a man's perfect dream (adelante and the rest notwithstanding - im talking averages)

Of course, there is a very strong sexual attraction to her, and when she publicly advertises her live cam episodes, it takes a considerable amount of mental self control to pull my self in line and realise not only do I find that wrong, but its not what I want.

So sometimes, we are attracted to the physical manifestation of the oppoiste of our ideals, and only though mental exertion can we overcome those ..whatevers...and realise what it is we want, and more importantly being able to overcome wanting what we 'think' we want in lieu of what will give us true happiness in the long run. if that makes any sense.

I agree 110% there with Adelante. I have also found that "beautiful people" as in physically attractive, seem to have an "attitude" from my personal experience. And as I result I am not attracted to the typical "blue eye blonde" bombshell that gets "most" males drooling. I am now old enough to look past such things and try and see the real person inside a person. You might think this sounds corny, but there are a lot of "beautiful people" who know it and that totally advantage of it to use and manipulate other people.

Smoking is one thing that I just cannot tolerate in a partner ! I don't care if she is the most stunning person on the outside and inside ..... if she smokes I totally lose interest straight away.

As far as "What Is sexy" goes ..... I find a woman who dresses less revealingly far more interesting than someone you dresses very revealingly. I long skirt over a mini anyday (leaves more to the imagination to be honest). One of the first things I notice about a woman is her hair (probably stems from a secret desire to have some myself as I have a shaved head ... LOL). An intelligent brunette with long hair. Now to me that is "sexy".

There is no better feeling than turning down the promotion girls in a club. No matter what they are selling / giving away I always turn them down without the slightest hesitation.

They cannot stand being rejected in any form , and they keep coming back and keep getting turned down. It is classic.

i am seksy.

I have to agree, there is nothing worse than looking up and u see this fine fine lady walking towards you, you catch her eye, she smiles and looks down, u think to yourself, "Hell this woman is fine!", and then she whips out a smoke, Thats when i tune "K-Thanx-bye"

Smoking = Mega Turn off.

by the way... no offense to anyone who smokes

Wow! What a wonderful compliment. I do follow a solid philosophy, and have studied it extensively--Objectivism.




You bring up a very important issue--contradictions. Many people have them in their philosophy, simply because folks don't introspect as they should. For one reason or another, there are men and women that get intellectually lazy, following what others do or say rather than deciding for themselves what they should believe in. I've seen this repeatedly, and its so unfortunate.

When a man is attracted to a women he otherwise thinks isn't his ideal (it is given he doesn't really know her), and in fact exhibits traits that concern him, he must introspect to find the contradiction. Generally, these contradictions are warnings that one has not fully studied and determined what his/her philosophy is. Instead, this man/woman have taken bits and pieces from this or that religion, social credo, or scholastic mantra, which becomes a gargled mess of contradictions. You see, religion teaches absolute altruism, the abdicating of one's self for the "betterment of mankind." Society tells you that one should be politically correc to the point of negating one's intelligence, and foregoing the obvious truth (I'm of a particular nationality, and thus I'm automatically superior to everyone else. No I'm not speaking of caucasions, but of my own nationality of hispanics. Yep, hate knows no bounds.). Education teaching a young person that one cannot know reality, because everything is subjective, actually teaching that the mind is useless! Hell, the mind is man's greatest survival tool he has! Anyway, that's off topic...duh.

As you can see, much goes into attraction, and since sex is the summation of a man's highest values, this becames a very sensitive issue. Yes, attraction is subjective, but how one achieves complete integration of knowledge is not. One MUST study one's self, and understand how he/she relates to reality. One must understand the axioms of existence, because one can even ascertain what is one's highest values. Until all the contradictions are resolved, love will just become one round of misery after another.



Whew...now I need a latte.

Never made much of a difference to me since I 've been attracted to the same type of girls all my life. with the follwing body ratio: 2/3/1
As long as she ain't got a weave, don't smoke and don't got too much of an intimate relationship with alcohol then its all good.

One thing that you can *never change is how you look. How you feel about the way you look comes across in the way you do things, walk, talk etc... I don't think it has anything to do with your actual physique.

Yeah sure, DD's and a J-lo kickin' ass get my attention, but that's that. It gets my attention, the same way that a pimped out Escalade would. I would though never want to own one of these or go out with one of these or dream it.

9/10 girls I've been intrigued and interested in have been kinda chunky, not Oreo like shaped, but they have been on the thickish side. Which to me is fine and is never really an issue. (I see her first, not the ratio)

Sometimes though I do tell the person I'm with that she's a beauty, it takes nothing from me at all and i can say it without thinkin' about it. It's not that I'm being false, but the important thing is what it does for her. If it makes her feel slightly better about herself that day or whenever else, then let it be so.

In the eye of the beholder, not in the eye of the beholder, it doesn't matter at all. If two people find something they like about each other, then it needs no justificationl. We all should just let it be.

Chinky*

w0rd!

Hahaha... you with your loverly 4 adders r very sexy!

IMHO I perfer girls with a beautiful attitude and personality, no matter what she might look like. If she is the most gorgous babe ever (like what adelante said) but has the worst personality I wouldn't like her at all! I would rather meet the person than judge her by her looks.

YANA: in response

I agree 100%. Brilliantly said, and a latte well earned

You have put into words that which i could not. yay

I think the frustration comes in, where the mind knows what is good for the being overall, and the heart knows that it lies in the same place. But the physical hormones/lust/call it what you will, looks elsewhere. Probably the main reason for infedelity, and I can fully understand why so many couples are paranoid about it

I seem to remember a very similar discussion when I was last around...

What two people like, is what two people like. Not everyone is going to like everyone, and not everyone is going to be attracted to the same thing. Some people go for looks, some for a voice, and others for thoughts (letters/emails/irc). I find that if the other person meets your specific "requirements" the others are utterly irrelevant. Those are the people you can be yourself, and not worry about being open with. Those are the people who you want to spend a lot of time with. If you have to create a facade to be with someone, they are wrong for you. To change yourself into what someone else considers "sexy" just to get their attention, is just wrong. You're lying to yourself, and to the other person, and YOU are the one to end up being hurt. If someone doesn't find you sexy when you are yourself, move on.

Sorry, been gone too long.

What I find sexy? A person's mind. Looks are nice, but you can't have a meaningful relationship with a mirror, despite what some people say. If you're unsure of how sexy a mind can be, think of The Matrix. What are sight, sound, taste, touch, and smell to you? Mere electrical signals being sent to your brain which are interpreted accordingly. Now, read a poem or book. Does it make you taste something? Hear something? Feel something? Smell something? A good mind, can stimulate every sense, without you having to be in the same room as the person, all with a few words (text or sound).

as long as you can bang it like a salvation army drum its sexy. JUST KIDDING. i find "cute" chicks more atractive but most of my friends dont agree with me. you see they are perverted 15 year olds who would much rather sit in the closets and ... nevermind. what im trying to get at is that some ppl are atracted to different things.