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Well it seems most here (Aside from o-juice who cut me deep with his critisism of my horror attempt, 'The Open Haunts') are too afraid to post any real critisism other than, 'Good job' and so forth and so on, lest they be labelled misers or something, so you have no fears of flames.

I WOULD comment, but I don't read poetry, Highschool killed off any appreciation I had for it and I avoid it like the plague.

But thats just me and Im sure others will enjoy your work, so please feel free to post more.

Glad i'm not the only one that Highschool Screwd...

But i must admit Angel4EverYoung & Athens (hope i'm right writing out of memory) touch something inside me, maybe it's cause "i feel like i know them"

I mean We are all Family Hear Aren't We...

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Society says: Be reputable!


Be good!
It says so in this Book.
Be normal!
It's only moral.

If religion didn't mean anything
would the world be guilty of blasphemy?
Is the conscience of a man like me,
influenced by the standards set by society?

How far can a human psychologically go,
oh that! They don't know.
Judging people by their ethical standards...
But how would they react,
If they saw a man died in an attack?
Only to find out that the man who judged expressed hate,
to the victim it was. But hey, he doesn't decide the mans fate.

Oh haai, by the way. There is some hefty copyright on my poem so don't copy it

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Just in case you didn't know, some more contributions by our members can be found over here.

Angel4EverYoung your poem 'Questions in my mind' almost had me in tears! Cause it So Represent Me it Scary!

Damn what's happening to me

i think each of us can relate to it in a big way...kind of like zodiac...i digress

thanks for moving it here, and im enjoying it. i just wish i was a better poetry critic, i could actualyl give some contrsuctive opinions

Um this whole section is devoted to creative works, and myself and a few others have already posted some of our work...

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Heeeey, someone actually read my stuff!

Thanks much for compliments...

I did like the very first poem. I am bad at being a critic since I don't believe you can really criticize poetry unless it really sucks. But believe me when i say i found it powerful in the subtlety of the images. Class stuff.

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Well Phoenix you might just have the one thing that REALLY STINKS!!!! So critisize all you want but the person it's for will know 1000% what i meen!

This is THE FIRST "poem" i ever wrote, almost failed a English Xsam once because i didn't write a poem & it will be the last & only one i ever wrote...

I don't know Big of Fancy Word So Excuse The Use Of Simple Words!

BTW: If you guy don't understand it feel free to ask for a explination but i make no promises

=====================================================

To The One That Ownes My Heat
***************************

my heart is empty
but happiness is plenty
my heart glad
even though it wants to be sad

happiness apart was found atleast by one
but the other keeps holding on
to safe a broken heart

feelings there still lie
never ever will they die

the more i dig
the more i find
the more i find
the less i want to leave you behind

mistakes where made
selutions wheren't found
in time to safe
the only thing my heart craves

Once you set me free
i found my way home
now it time to repay the fee
i hope you found a home

i love you with all my heart
why do we have to be apart

=====================================================

OK, here is a recent one. My girlfriend left and moved out suddenly after living together for 4 years. This poem is about seeing her again and the hopes that brought. Its not a very good poem, this is because at the moment I feel like i have been labotomized.

I saw you on a Thursday evening,
waiting for you the sun once again gleamed golden through the trees
golden with the promise of your eyes glittering as sunlight upon a stream
and me peering in, fearfull in the presence of beauty

I saw you on a Thursday evening,
and gently we held hands, a simple touch that enflames my heart
enflames the heart of a sun once again, a sun that went out with the occlusion of its moon
a sun that burned too fierce and sent its moon out seeking the coolness of space

I saw you on a Thursday evening,
your sweet voice penetrating my burned out heart,
a voice of diaphanous threads strung by an angel, sewed up this fallen heart
and ingnited it once more, a chance to burn once again

I saw you on a Thursday evening,
and gently I burn, gently forever more.
For a sun without its moon has no purpose
and without this one purpose it dies.

How can someone i don't know feel so like i do?

Nemo If i had any ability when it comes to poems this is the poem i would have wrote!

If it's any consilation I KNOW that feeling of loosing someone only to realize you still feel something Year's Later & then having to keep that Love For Yourself cause it's not allowed to show, HOPE I GOT YOUR POEM CORRECT!! *HIDES IF I GOT IT WRONG*

gawd, some great stuff by u ppl ;-)

anyway,

here's one... think i did post it on another thread before - cant remember though ;-)


The March

Marching to the mountain of knowlege
I smelled your perfume in a dream,
drunk at the fountain I felt your touch,
...and I screamed.

Roaming the towers of Babilon
I see the doubt in your smile,

it is then: That I like to conceal for a while.

While breaking down the walls of begregation I suddenly wake,
and through my eyes of black 'n white
I eventually see...
Realising impossibilith, is a wall I can't break.





here's on for the afrikaans ppl



vanaand

vanaand is dit ek, en jy,
in my gedagtes.
vanaand is ek weer een van die verkragtes.
vanaand's my hart weer vlink,
dis pyn en seer en riviere wat ek al weer aan dink.
vanaand:
dit klink so soet,
asof...
asof ek weer swem in gedagtes...
-van aleen en bloed-
vanaand is dit weer ek en myself,
-o, ja: en jy-
wat weer daar in die diepe water delf.
van-aand...
is die hemel weer 'n ander blou,
(vanaand is die hemel swart... soos altyd)
vanaand verlang ek na jou...

vanaand, moet ek dit stop!
dalk...
ons is tog so anders, so...
is dit nie?
dit voel so reg, en soet, en, sleg.
-frustrasie baan die weg-
maar vanaand is dit ek en myself,
sonder jou,
wankel in die winter kou, en:
-dink ek te veel-
jou gesig wat my gedagtes streel,
my "klein" hartjie wat my verveel,
en...
-sigarette, en coke-

vanaand is ek net deurmekaar,
soos ek seesiek in my gedagtes vaar.
my plankie swaar, die golwe hoog,
en die wind,
wat sny,
...soos rooigetei.
die sterre vertel
-mos- van...

vanaand is dit ek, en ek aleen.
vanaand laat val ek my pen, terwyl die warboel bly vloei.
die badwater bloei...

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*BULL SHIT* We can most of us is just to scared to Gamble it All...

Or To Do Something about it when we get the chance...

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Suppose You've Got A Valid Point... I never thought of it that way...

Sorry i was just going through a rough patch when i made that post & if thing start going rough i usualy only see things my way...

Peace...

Here is one that I wrote when I was in matric, in 1985, for Special Girl...

Love Poem
Shakespeare once said: "What is in a name?"
I once asked: "What is the Secret of love"

Now that I have met you, I know,
That everywhere you go,
my hart, my soul, a part of me,
will follow you, on your way.

You may think: "He is only talking"
But, think about it, where you are walking,
That somewhere, in a place,
In a city, far, far away,

There lives a guy, whom as he kisses you goodbye,
Swore an oath as a man, and said he would love you, as much as he can.

Hey everyone, new here. Study at rhodes in gtown. some of my writing is at this address http://succubus.rucus.net

Ignore the band stuff - go to orectic strank

dr z

thanks

Dr Zabo is an excellent writer, I would urge you guys to check his stuff out.

Wow, Dr zabo, you got some shyte going on there dude, really intense stuff! Also liked reading through the entire site, hope Cypher makes it big! Would like to hear some of your stuff though, maybe you could make some Mp3s avail under the download section! If you don't want to give away the whole thing thats fine maybe a sampler!

Those poems under lovestory, shyte extremely intense dude, some lines were so indescribable, "It is lotus".... I am robert, I am lotus, shyte, makes me feel light-headed! Cool

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Hey angel4everyoung, welcome back. Please write more, I for one like your poems a lot.

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The world is a ceramic ashtray
Never clear never glass
See not the truth and go not astray
We are all the same no different class
We are all butts the tobacco our lives
With smoldering hope we cling to life
While the world burns us with its dismay
Higher powers use us up and throw us away
Has our smoke brought meaning or cast the stench of Human decay?

Pardon my lack of poetic licence. I type what comes to mind.

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Here is my meager contribution.

See what you think.

Late night musing:

I pray for death
Most every day
Blow out my breath
Start my decay

Pain must end
Stop the despair
My heart she rend
My soul she tear

So will it stop
And be no more
I do think not
Oh what a bore.

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Wow, thank you for the kind words.

Yes, there is a story, but nothing unique. I like a girl very much, but suprise suprise, she does not feel the same and I have to deal with that. I tend to overthink things, and as a result I end up torturing myself until I can barely take it.

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Here we go again:

Hope:

There is hope
I’ve once been told
But now my heart
Is icy cold

No more talks
Of things to be
Hug and laugh
Run with glee

Where are you
You little feeling
Very rare
And so appealing

A lesson you think
I must learn
So be it
But for love I yearn

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Here's a quickie:


Rumbling tum, tiny fish
Shall I fix my favourite dish
Buttered nice and wearing spice
Or belly down on a bed of rice?

DRUG


follow

follow fellow mellow hollow brim glass drink drink got gut rut stut tering sing swing back black fire entire fake snake shake shake

wake

fight light right light ning ring ring thunder under blunder bus fuss

cuss

suss stain remain feign brain hollow

mellow

follow

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Such a great poem, needs to be a wallpaper..

Translated from norwegian, better in the original form..

"The Raindrop Is
Hanging There
Not"

It's a Haiku..

/Gunk

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Ooooh.. Poetry rocks! Usually when I write something, I post it on deviant art. It has been a while since I wrote anything. I would now though... like to share one of my favs, that I wrote.

Dirty Fascination

Is it a crime..
for what I do to you in my mind?
Something I will never say
it will only keep you away

You don't know me
I don't even know your name
But this lust is unyielding
It cannot be tamed

This feeling is not just physical
I want to have and hold you
Make you mine and mine alone
Together we will be home

You tease me with your sweet grin
However innocent and unmeant
Your eyes so grey blue
Your skin so white and fair

You make me feel dirty
And yet also so sweet
In my mind
When your eyes and mine meet

This feeling is torture
This feeling is pain
Knowing you are not mine
For my heart has been slain

--

ciao